Inheritance to grandchildren bypassing children

[mucky123]

I just wondered if someone could shed some light on why I feel the way I do. It is absolutely none of my business. I freely admit any thoughts about it are unreasonable. If anyone should have anything to say its my bil/sil.

My dh and I are quite comfortable, not interested in an inheritance. We have 3 dc. My Bil not so comfortable but alright. Think they might have a tougher retirement than we do. They have 2 kids.

My ILs. Have some money not loads but are comfortable and very likely to leave readonable inheritance. They intend to leave everything between 5 grandkids. So my kids will get more of the pot than bils. I'm really irritated by this on every front (1) haven't discussed it with their sons, feels like a kick in the teeth for them, (2) gc will be inheriting fairly young. Will this discourage them ftom working, will they piss it up the wall or lose half on an unsuitable marriage, (3) it's like the parents aren't trusted to send the money on to their kids, and (4) it's unfair between brothers as our kids get a bigger slice of pot. That seems unkind to lovely bils family.
Partly also I'd like to be the one to give my kids a house deposit, pay for their wedding etc and this has all gone as they will now have a reasonable inheritance quite early.
I know I'm being unreasonable,

YABU. Many people can’t even dream of an inheritance. Count your blessings.

You're not being unreasonable. It should be 50/50 between their sons.
YABU for using house deposits and wedding costs as a reason why it's unreasonable.

It's not your money. You don;t decide where it goes.

Inheritance shouldn’t skip a generation - it should go to children equally to choose whether they pass it to grandchildren or not.

There’s no such thing as “should” about it. It’s - at least in England; I know Scotland is different, not sure about any other countries - completely up to the people leaving the inheritance.

If someone is leaving their estate directly to grandchildren I think it’s fair to do that equally between the grandchildren regardless of their “side” of the family - they are individuals, not extensions of their parents.

Quite frankly i think you need to mind your own business. What your in laws decide to do with their own money is nothing to do with you.

I didn’t say it can’t skip a generation, I just said it shouldn’t…there’s this thing called an opinion - I gave one 🤷‍♀️

Im voting Very unreasonable

Inlaws are seriously seeking the changes in society, where we have the elderly living for so long, their children are collecting pensions when they die

So why leave any inheritance to a child in their 60's . who's bought the house, paid into their pensions, when the grandchildren are struggling to get a foot up anywhere ?

Mum just died, Im 62. What need have I of any money she has left me? Sure it will be nice to have, but we have the house/cars. everything paid, and the grandkids are needing it more then us

So give your inheritance to them?

Smart arse

They will be getting it

We are in our 60's We already fund their schools , hobbies and holidays . We buy their electronics and "designer" clothes - well those that arent labelled Primark

We buy their mums cars, give her what she needs to keep home - boiler packs up, we pay - etc

So when we pass in possibly 10 to 15 years, the grand kids, will be mid 20's. early 30's , at the age when they will be needing money. To get a house, pay uni fees, travel the world- whatever they choose

So will I give them the shirt off my back as well? Now before I die, before I make provision for our older life where we may possibly need carers and I dont want them to waste 20 years of their lives looking after us as we did my mother just so we can give them money now?

My dad left everything 50/50 to my sister and I. I have three DC she has two. This to me is completely the right and fair thing to do. My will is a three way split to my DC.

They're not even dead yet!!

If there is going to be an inheritance tax bill I can really see why people do it, otherwise the tax man hits twice.

I do kind of see the logic behind OP’s thinking - and they’re obviously trying to be fair rather than grabby.

I do lean towards it being more “fair” to allocate inheritance between children, as splitting between GC can be more varied. But equally, it’s obviously up to the person leaving their estate.

Just to note, if you’re a beneficiary in a will and your siblings (or others) are likeminded and open to dialogue and fairness etc, then you can come to an agreement regarding redistribution of the funds - something like a deed of variation I think. Have had it twice in my small’ish family:

When my Nan died, she’d apparently left different amounts between GC and step-GC. It was varied between, she wasn’t thinking less of step-GC, it was more along the lines of any boys got more (this was over 30 years ago, I’m not judging her). Her two sons, between them, legally arranged to forego some of their shares so that all GC received an equal amount.

Before she passed, one of her cousins died and left a small inheritance. My Nan, again through formal means, gave up her share to be split between her GC.

It's not that the parents aren't trusted to pass the inheritance on to their kids, but they may not be able to if it all gets eaten up in care home fees. Personally I'd split my estate 50-50, so that my kids share one half between them, and my grandkids share the other half. That way the grandkids are getting bequests as individuals in their own right, to help them on their way into adult life, but the direct offspring still get something to make their lives more comfortable if they need it. And if they don't need it they can sort out a deed of variation to pass it in to their own kids.

Your feelings are valid and you can be upset, but you've set an expectation on money that doesn't belong to you and that's where the issue is. I find it so unsettling that people have such a claim to money that someone else made. I personally told my parents to spend it while they're here, why pass money down when all we'll do is the same by trying to leave something behind? I told mine to go on holidays, buy over expensive beds and golf clubs and eat out all the time because they earned their money and should spend it.
Our parents get to choose what they want to do, and that's the right thing. They earned it.

If you are in a good position to not need the money; if you got it you could piss it away faster than your kids. If yoh don’t by the time you die to pass it on your kids could be retired themselves.

I'd actually be delighted if my children were left money by their grandparents, it could make their lives so much easier.

YABU. And I think especially unreasonable on point 4. The grandchildren are their own people and have been left money on that basis, not on the basis that they are just extensions of their parents. I genuinely don’t understand anyone who would add this up and feel hard done by that their nuclear family has got less because their children got the same amount each as their cousins.

mucky123 · Today 00:31

Question: I just wondered if someone could shed some light on why I feel the way I do.

Answer: It is absolutely none of my business.

There ya go.

Personally I think it should be an equal split between children not named GC (especially if there is any chance of more grand children being born after the will is written that could totally miss out).

But ultimately it's up to the person writing their will.

You are entitled to your opinion based on your own values and experience. But it is unreasonable to expect others to automatically fall in line with your worldview.

I can see your point but its not a hill to die on, and anyway hopefully it will be a long time before it actually happens and things may have changed for BIL.

Not sure why it shouldn't skip a generation, all our kids are the inheritors because we had a family talk about it and are more than happy for it to be that way as me and dh are absolutely fine so it's split equally between the grandkids.

If you pass your money to your children, the family pays inheritance tax every generation. If each generation gives to two generations after, you pay inheritance tax half as often. Obviously, to pull this off you need two successive generations who make enough.

OP as someone already posted, when the inheritance comes to your children, you can give your BIL the same amount. You said you wanted to be the one to help your children, you are comfortable, so if for eg they are left 40k, give you BIL 40k. Then that gives you the chance to give your children the money and you help your BIL. I don’t know your post seems a bit “pick me” like you’re digging for praises, it’s weird. Anyway it’s easily fixed, when the money lands, take that x amount from your own coffers and give to BIL