Inheritance to grandchildren bypassing children

[mucky123]

I just wondered if someone could shed some light on why I feel the way I do. It is absolutely none of my business. I freely admit any thoughts about it are unreasonable. If anyone should have anything to say its my bil/sil.

My dh and I are quite comfortable, not interested in an inheritance. We have 3 dc. My Bil not so comfortable but alright. Think they might have a tougher retirement than we do. They have 2 kids.

My ILs. Have some money not loads but are comfortable and very likely to leave readonable inheritance. They intend to leave everything between 5 grandkids. So my kids will get more of the pot than bils. I'm really irritated by this on every front (1) haven't discussed it with their sons, feels like a kick in the teeth for them, (2) gc will be inheriting fairly young. Will this discourage them ftom working, will they piss it up the wall or lose half on an unsuitable marriage, (3) it's like the parents aren't trusted to send the money on to their kids, and (4) it's unfair between brothers as our kids get a bigger slice of pot. That seems unkind to lovely bils family.
Partly also I'd like to be the one to give my kids a house deposit, pay for their wedding etc and this has all gone as they will now have a reasonable inheritance quite early.
I know I'm being unreasonable,

My grandparents left their estate to their grandchildren. The reasoning being their children were already set up in life, and didn’t have the same need.

I was the eldest, at 20. My DB the youngest at 14. All 6 of us used the money for house deposits. Something our parents said they would never had been able to help with otherwise.

My mother was initially upset over it, but now understands. So much so, that my parent’s estate goes to their grandchildren.

as long as it’s not a shock when the will comes out, it’s their money to do what they will with it. My Grandad was always very open about it, so it was never a shock.

But it's not really weird, as inheritance can be life -changing. Even if you're the least grabby person in the world, it's quite hard not to have any thoughts at all on something that could change the course of your life or the nature of your retirement, even if you never air those thoughts.

the ILs are still alive
it is poor to squabble now
my dm told me her plans, which is an equal share between me and ds and our dc,
so that is totally fair
but uncomfortable to announce while she is still alive and kicking

Give it to your DC now? If you don’t need it. Why wait to pass it on to their children if you didn’t need that inheritance??

I agree with every point you have made OP.

I've inherited from my grandmothers.

As the only (surviving) child of an only child, one grandmother split her money equally between Mum and myself. It gave us a house deposit.

On the other side, Nan gave each grandchild (there are loads of us) £1000, and split the balance between her children.

I think, given the life expectancy these days, where there is some money, dropping it down a generation is sensible. Getting a lump of cash at 30 or 40 is much more useful than 60/70.

I don't agree that you're getting a bigger pot cause you have 3 children and he has 2 children. The grandchildren are individuals.

Personally , I would always give inheritance to my children equally. I would want to make sure they are taken care of and slso would trust them to help their children with the money at appropriate times. I also hate the idea of younger adults, ie 18-24, inherting and not ending up following their true path as easy money means they don't bother. Saying that, it's their money. I would ask them to at least put some clause in that grand children don't receive money till 25. Also, that they don't know in advance about the will.

Perhaps they think it would be better spent on GC due to life stage at the time they'll inherit.
Perhaps they love GC equally and want each of the 5 to have equal shares rather than your kids getting smaller amounts.
Perhaps they don't care much for their DiLs and don't want to benefit them or have them take half in the event of a divorce.
Perhaps they think their sons are not very deserving.
Perhaps they dislike the idea that the world and its dog thinks itself entitled to say what's 'fair' when free money is handed out and are just doing what they want.

If they have ‘some money but not loads’ I don’t understand what the issue is. It’s sounding like they’re going to be inheriting millions the way you’re taking about them not wanting to work etc.

I do think it’s wiser to talk to your DC before doing it. There will be things you don’t know. They may well be saving you from their worries about mortgages and pensions. Or their desperate wish to leave a well paid but miserable job.

In principle skipping a generation is great, the money arrives when the costs are at their highest and lets them get a foot on the ladder. That does assume their parents aren’t in need, though.

Why can't they do both my GP gave us GC a small amount and left bull to three adults

Of course it’s her business it effects her kids.

However if it does happen spread the money around for them and make sure it's invested properly into stock and shares then raise them being educated about money.
Show them how you budget give them bank accounts early encourage them to save most spend a little talk about capital etc then hopefully they won't waste it at 18

😂

They can leave it to whoever they want.

They can leave it to Bill at number 42.... Or the cat...or the King....

There's no "should" at all.

My dad left the GKs, nobody cared that my sister in law got 1/2 because she had two kids.

Honestly. People are so awful when it comes to money.

The kids all inherit the same amount.

So what if they *piss it up the wall". It's their money.

If both sons have assets of their own over £325k (ie the threshold for IHT) and which is more likely to be the case with house values now, then it makes sense to skip a generation - otherwise IHT is paid when passing to sons and then again, on the same pot, when it is added to their estate and they die. Ie the grandchildren would get less out of that pot anyway. Substantially less. If it is left directly to DGC, they skip this second bite of the cherry scenario that the UK tax man gets to take.

And there is no reason why an even 5 way split isn’t fair - why should two grandchildren get 25% and the other 3 get 1/6th shares? That perspective is rooted in the idea that the parents are entitled to it. They are not.

Your ILs have been very sensible.

A person I know is doing the leaving to grandkids shit.
(This is NOT about me or my parents. Btw.)

There is no reason to do this. No taxes to be avoided. No deceased child so the money passed onto the grandchild.
Both would be reasonable things to do.

I really, really do think that this is sometimes indicative of narcissistic control.
And narcissism itself. Even if a person is f-ing average, pissing about with wills and not doing what is usual gives them a sense of importance.

Also, who's going to be doing the hard grind if the grandparent needs care?
The grandkids or the adult child?

I repeat: the skipping a generation thing does not personally affect me in any way shape or form.
I am merely offering my opinion.

Gosh I think the words you are looking for is "Thank you"
It's one way of doing it. You are doing fine. If you manage to avoid it all going on care ( which is where we are with dmum), it will set 5 young people up and give them a start.
Maybe they think that dbils kids might not see any of it.

Also, who's going to be doing the hard grind if the grandparent needs care? The grandkids or the adult child?

So you see this as transactional? That the loving care offered to them is only given in anticipation of later payment? Rather than in acknowledgement of and in return for the care, love and sacrifice those parents made in the first 18+ years of their lives?

Not quite true if you don’t have much of a pension - you still have quite a few years before the grim reaper visits - or do older people lives matter less?

YANBU. My parents are doing this and whilst I’m happy for my kids I just feel like it should have to come me and my brother and then for us to decide. My kids will inherit from me and DH. Sounds grabby and selfish I know but I just can’t get my head around why. I’d love to be able to pay mortgage off and perhaps retire a bit earlier. I could then help my own DC but my parents have decide that’s not how they want things. It’s their money I get it.

My MIL has done the same (willed her money to her 3 GC as opposed to 2 children).

DH (with 2 children) is annoyed about it, because he sees as his mother not valuing him. This, is tied up in long standing family relationships because he's always felt his brother was the preferred child, and now this seems like his mother prefers his grandchildren over him. (He knows logically that this is not the case, but inheritance is tied up with value and love to some degree).

BIL (1 child) is annoyed because he would have liked some of the money; and also annoyed at some level because DH has 2 children and he has 1 so DH is getting "more", even though he knows the 3 grandchildren are individual people.

Not sure that helps OP, but I think does reflect that feelings are complex and not easily explained.

I’m betting not.

My siblings and I are all in our 60's and our parents are still alive. My dad suggested doing this and it actually felt really hurtful. None of us have struggled but none of us have ever had spare cash and if we inherited something we would all be generous with our children whilst having a treat ourselves. He did see our point of view and we are the beneficiaries.