Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Racism from a customer at work, am I over reacting? (TW - Racist language)

82 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/04/2026 17:20

I work in hospitality. There is a man who comes in regularly on his own, I think he is a widower and is in his 80's I would say, I think his age is relevant. There were some carers in with their service users from a local place and about half of them were black. He said to me, in a very quiet voice "Soon there will be more w*gs in here than white people" I apologise for the language, these are his words not mine.

Being at work I was limited to what I could say so I said "I love how our area is so multicultural now, it makes life so much better" he humphed a bit an left. I was massively insulted that he clearly thought I would agree with him.

I spoke to my colleague and said I was not going to deal with him anymore and that if he wanted serving again or in future I wasnt going to be doing it. I have the right to say that and I am comfortable with that decision.

However it has really upset me, I felt very emotional and when I got home just now, I burst into tears. Is that an over reaction? I am in my 50's, I am not naive to the fact that racism is still in the world and that some elderly people still think like this (not all, my own parents don't, but some).

I wonder if its because I have a mixed race DD, she is half Jamaican by heritage, and that's why I am taking it so personally but ignorant arseholes like that have never upset me in this way before. That said, normally I can put people in their place pretty quickly but with it being at work I couldnt really do that so maybe its the fact that I couldnt do much that has upset me.

OP posts:
Flamingojune · 23/04/2026 22:57

I'da told him actually i have a mixed race daughter you racist wanker, then barred him

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/04/2026 00:37

Flamingojune · 23/04/2026 22:57

I'da told him actually i have a mixed race daughter you racist wanker, then barred him

Would you though?

Because its easy to say that here and now but in the moment....not so much. And I was at work, swearing like that at a guest could cost me my job, a job that supports DD and me. Worth losing that to say something momentarily satisfying to a bigoted git who would probably put it down to my being a "typical bloody woman"? Because if he is racist its very likely he is sexist too. I wouldnt be educating him would I?

Its one of those "Oh I should have said...." things that happen 10 minutes after the prick pushes in front of you at the supermarket.

But thank you, I do get what you are saying, its just not that simple unfortunately!

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 24/04/2026 00:40

CharleneElizabethBaltimore · 23/04/2026 20:18

look at the words used in the sitcom love thy neighbour, yes times have moved on but many people are encoded with the words and language from older times

My ex (DD's father) bloody loved Love thy Neighbour, his whole family did.

Because the wives got on famously, the black husband always had the upper hand and the white racist husband always ended up looking like a dick. So although at first glance its not ok because of the language etc, it actually was quite progressive in how it lampooned racist white men.

OP posts:
JHound · 24/04/2026 00:59

Itsmetheflamingo · 23/04/2026 20:02

What’s the question?

Why have you decided this man has Tourettes?

Inmyuggs · 24/04/2026 01:09

Serve him again
Best come back for mental people is to smile and ignore the bait.
Or say if you must racism is not acceoted here.
Bet he is a cranky old sad barstard...or say that.
Hospo work you will strike all sorts of creeps weirdos.
Ignoring takes time but oit the poor barstard.

NotMeAtAll · 24/04/2026 01:14

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/04/2026 18:43

Thanks for all the comments.

I didnt get the impression that he has any form of dementia, he has been a regular for the whole time I have been there and he hasnt really changed in any way that I have spotted. Although I will concede that sometimes these things are invisible.

The issue is more my surprise at my reaction. I am not particularly stressed (no more than normal!) and nothing else is going on. Perhaps it the double whammy of having a mixed race daughter who is mid teens and just starting to realise that not everyone is as open and welcoming as her friends and school mates, and the fact that I couldnt call him out on what he said.

With a mixed-race daughter, how could you have reacted any other way?

CrazyGoatLady · 24/04/2026 01:56

You're not overreacting OP, it's vile, and totally wrong of him to assume you agree because of your skin colour.

Of course if you know someone has dementia you might treat off colour comments differently, but it doesn't really sound like that applies here (healthcare background). If it really was someone being unable to control what they say, unlikely he's have lowered his voice and made a show of trying to say it on the sly. Not impossible of course, but unlikely for someone whose comments come from uncontrolled disinhibition.

My DGM is in her mid 90s and has got more openly racist as she has got older, which given she's an immigrant herself is a bit stupid really, but there we are. She once made an offensive comment to me about a Nigerian nurse when she was in hospital and I told her never to say anything like that in my hearing again. She probably wouldn't understand the concept of something like a microaggression, but she damn well knows where the line is when it comes to what is unacceptable and offensive racist language. She relies on her age allowing her to get away with it unchallenged, and I suspect many others who think and speak this way also do. Assuming dementia is ruled out, age is no excuse for being a racist shithead, and you'd be well within your rights as a business to give him some friendly advice about not using racist language if he wishes to continue being a customer.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread