To think it’s not insensitive to say I’ve always prioritised saving?

[ByFairCat]

Me and a friend were talking about money recently and I mentioned that I’ve always prioritised saving, regardless of what salary I’ve been on. Even when it’s been small amounts, I’ve preferred to spend less so I could build some kind of buffer. For me, it’s about the security of knowing I could manage for a while if something went wrong. I also said I understand that not everyone has enough money to save but I don’t always understand spending large amounts on non-essentials if it means having nothing put aside. My friend said I was being insensitive.
I don’t feel like I was judging anyone, I was just explaining how I approach money based on my own experiences.

AIBU to think that’s not insensitive? She’s not spoken to me since and it seems that this has caused the end of our friendship.

Deffo jealousy. Always jealous of something. What a way to live x

Anyone who buys £400 handbags is an idiot unless they are a multi-millionaire. You can get a handbag for less than a tenth of the cost that does the job just as well.

'I don’t always understand spending large amounts on non-essentials if it means having nothing put aside'

There's the judgement for people missing it.

You don’t seem unreasonable from what you’ve shared here but of course much depends on the context and tone of the conversation and the actual words and implications used.

There has to be something to be insensitive TO. What was it in your friend's situation or actions that she felt you were comparing yourself to? Yes there was.

Indeed

Money can be such a sensitive subject.

Its known in my close friends that I have a largeish amount of savings, its always shocked me when others haven't- as OP says the idea of not having some money aside is weird to me. Ive had comments a few times, especially if ive said that 'thats too expensive' to something.

I think its about learning different people have different financial education, usually from family. Eg we never borrowed on credit cards and now I dont (I do use and pay off in full each month for the benefits). We always have rainy day funds and both my brothers also have healthy savings as far as Im aware.
I have friends who are married, both on decent salaries, but dont have anything saved. Friends who heavily rely on credit cards.
And it can be quite a sensitive topic! Just different attitudes to money.

If you want to keep the friendship id recommend just apologising that what you said upset her and you thought you were just discussing money but you can see how it came across as judged.

I think you’re right, OP, it’s not about the amount, it’s about the mindset.

Even as a child I preferred to save my pocket money whereas my sister would spend it all at the sweet shop (yes, we had an actual sweet shop with shelves full of jars of sweets).

It’s not something I would bring up though.

My brothers friend would always get really excited when Fireworks came into the shops, and immediately go into the shop and buy a rocket and set it off. That was all his pocket money gone in a few seconds and for what?

I always preferred to save mine and buy something nice eventually.

At least you didn't harp on about your wealth management advisor and how they'd advised you not to buy a second home in the current market, so you didn't know "what to do" with all your inherited wealth. This is what my ex friend said to me last year, knowing I was struggling for money and stuck in a job I hated. Tone deaf and smug. Your comment didn't sound too bad at all!

Yep, definitely more to this story...

I get where you're coming from because I'm the same. I realised as a student, comparing my spending with some of my friends', people just have a totally different idea of what is "essential" or not. Even today, I'm surprised by what some of my friends who I know don't have a lot of money, spend on what I would consider to be very avoidable luxuries, or that so many colleagues buy tons of stuff at the start of the month then spend the last week counting down the days until payday.

BUT I think the thing is you just have to keep your mouth shut and never ever say anything. Finances are such a touchy subject and difficult to discuss even between close friends. Even something like "I prioritise saving" if said in a certain way can seem judgy.

I am now retired and am happy with what I have. However there have been long stretches of time where there was no chance of 'priorotising saving' as there really wasn't any spare money to save, my children and I had to eat, the mortgage had to be paid and we lived very frugally, so I think if you cannot imagine a situation where some people, maybe including your friend, can really not save for the future, then you are probably rather insensitive.