To think it’s not insensitive to say I’ve always prioritised saving?

[ByFairCat]

Me and a friend were talking about money recently and I mentioned that I’ve always prioritised saving, regardless of what salary I’ve been on. Even when it’s been small amounts, I’ve preferred to spend less so I could build some kind of buffer. For me, it’s about the security of knowing I could manage for a while if something went wrong. I also said I understand that not everyone has enough money to save but I don’t always understand spending large amounts on non-essentials if it means having nothing put aside. My friend said I was being insensitive.
I don’t feel like I was judging anyone, I was just explaining how I approach money based on my own experiences.

AIBU to think that’s not insensitive? She’s not spoken to me since and it seems that this has caused the end of our friendship.

yanbu I don’t think it is smug unless you were being very preachy . I was brought up to hate debt, to always target keeping 3 months of net pay in my savings account.
My parents didn’t have much money and I was very conscious of their financial worries during the recession in the 80s, and the disaster that befell my mum’s best friend when she divorced and they were in negative equity.

I feel constantly anxious about money , about spending money frivolously , even though I’m secure now.

People can get funny over all sorts of things. I told someone I’ve known for over 50 years that I’d been chosen to do something interesting and I haven’t heard from her since.

Oooh I’m intrigued. Most likely jealousy.

It seems she's struggling with cash/ or had limited savings.

And your comment hit a nerve.

You haven't done anything wrong.

It seems you cant talk about any " good" habit without being perceived to be preaching.

Apparently we should all pretend to be skint and bad with money management.

I would think its always worth saving- even if it just £10 a month.

It all builds up quite quickly.

I am like you but I have only mentioned my savings to one person, my parent. I know lots of people who don't have a cushion, including those who are sensible with money, so I just never say it directly.

I think it's possible to cause upset on this subject without meaning to.

My parents taught me to save. I had one of those child bank accounts at school where you got given porcelain pigs for saving.

Well stating the obvious but it’s £120 a year. What does that help with? Even after 3/4 years it’s negligible

Oh, I had those NatWest pigs. I only got as far as mummy pig though as I kept spending all my pocket money at that point. 😁

I'd love to hear your friend's version of this story, because I suspect there's a hell of a lot of nuance you're not including.

No. It isn’t. Some people don’t have the luxury of a spare pound. Some people going into debt just to buy furniture and household appliances or even food. I dream of having 10% of my income so unnecessary that you could just put it aside and save for a rainy day. I dream of living a life where you had that privilege and could breezily assume that was the norm.

It’s a Saving mindset which many people don’t have. Clear example of the £10 monthly where people think it’s not worth it. I would rather have £120 than 0.

@ByFairCat
No, you weren’t being insensitive.

Saving rather than spending, being prudent, studious, not engaging in casual sex, drinking alcohol in moderation, should never be mentioned out loud.
It probably stems from a time when the opposite of these behaviours were judged harshly.

We rightly do not judge people who are poor, but nowadays saying you can’t afford to do something is the only socially acceptable reason people will hear for not doing something . It’s like a full stop for the discussion.
Suggesting someone change their habits to enable them to do something they say they would like to do is not socially acceptable.

In the end many people don’t want solutions, they want to moan. They hide behind those truly in difficulty, and rather than say, “ look, I like the idea of having savings, but actually I probably could put money aside for a rainy day, but I prefer to spend it all because that’s the lifestyle I’ve become accustomed to, and I don’t really want to change it”

Pays for a new tyre, or a coat, or some food / other essentials if your pay doesn’t come in on time…

I assume friend doesn't save, did you know? If so it was insensitive if not then it may have been embarrassing for them.

I was the same I always saved even when I only had pocket money and I always worked when I could, Saturday job, Christmas job, summer holiday job.

Thing is £120 won’t give you enough to retire but it will help you if you have an emergency or a surprise bill and mean that you don’t have to borrow as much to get through it. Savings doesn’t just mean long term savings.
a £400 suitcase and an expensive holiday is a choice between spending and saving and you can say that those numbers wouldn’t add up.
ever since I met someone at the start of my working life who said that when she changed jobs she was going to get back her pension contributions and spend them on a holiday I realised that it isn’t about how much you earn it’s how you choose to spend IF you have a choice.

At £10/month it builds up extremely slowly.

Plus a surprisingly high percentage are unable to cover basic bills with their incomings.

I was talking to a friend once about spending and not wanting to get into debt over things that I don't really need, talking purely about myself because I've been in debt when I was young and found it very stressful. I can be really impulsive and that was the vibe of what I said - not wanting to ever slip back to that. She seemed to take it as a bit of a slight to her though as it seems she has credit card debt (I didn't know) and she got a bit defensive about it and was saying about how you only live once etc and can't go through life without treating yourself. Thankfully it wasn't the end of our friendship! It made me a lot more wary of discussing money with people though

If you only have £10 a month spare, £120 in savings is a fortune. Just having enough for that small emergency always knowing you do have a bit extra if you need it. If you haven't been there you wouldn't understand.

I have been there and no it’s not because it still doesn’t buy much, no matter how much it’s worth to you.

a PP said after a year or two or three you could buy a spare tyre. Is that really what’s helping your financial safety? The cash to replace a tyre every other year?

it’s a small amount of money that might help out with one bill, or a couple of weeks food when all else fails. But it is a very, very narrow safety net, let’s not pretend otherwise.

YANBU at all, but you can't say anything to folks now.
Friendships aren't meant to be this superficial.

That.

I think the post says more about her general attitude towards money- than saying she couldn't retire because she bought a £400 suitcase

The argument isn’t that £120 isn’t much of a safety net the argument is that since it isn’t much you might as well spend it down the pub and have a laugh instead of saving it!

It pays for an urgent home repair if needed without having to borrow cash- this will cost more money.

And if saved and not used.

Over a period of time if investing can become a significant amount