To only invite one twin?

[orancing]

I’m curious. Birthday girl (7) a party with a limited number of guests. One person she invited is a twin. Their twin sister is in a different class.

Invite is refused by twins parents because they say both should have been invited?

As others have said, they are separate people.

Maybe if they were four, I’d have understood. But by seven (and I’m usually the first to say this is still young) they can understand that they’re in different classes and have different friends.

Parents probably just want some child free time! Very cheeky of them.

Twin parents are unreasonable

Kindly, you aren’t doing your kids any favours by allowing and even encouraging this.

If they are upset by separate invites, your job as a parent is to help them through it, help them get used to this and not be upset in future, and develop resilience.

You say fairness is a big thing with them, it’s not fairness to expect identical treatment by everyone in the world. What’s not fair is one twin stopping the other from going because they’re not invited,’or kicking off about it. What’s not fair is if you turned down the invitation for this reason.

I’ve never actually been through this with my twins so not sure how I’m not doing them any favours?

But I can tell you that they would both be incredibly upset if this was the case.

I would never insist of the person inviting the other, nor would I prevent one from going.

I was basing my response on a poster who said it was the same as inviting a 5 year old and not a 3 year old brother. It isn’t the same.

Her friend will miss out because the parents are being unreasonable.

I hope all parents push back on their batshittery. The parents are only disadvantaging their own kids.

You weren't very clear in your post at all what you allowed. And since you said that if they were in the same class you would expect invites and that if one did receive an invite and the other didn't, they would be "devastated", it's easy to see how I came to the conclusion I did, you wouldn't allow them to go. And it seems most others came to the same conclusion I did.

Not all aren't! My parents were great thank you!

I didn’t say anything in my post about not allowing one to go. Didn’t even hint at it so no, I don’t see how you came to that conclusion.

I was actually worded my post in response to a previous poster saying it’s the same as inviting siblings of different ages (my view is that it isn’t the same) I just forgot to click quote.

And yes, they would be devastated. I would try to manage that but it would be hard to see them feeling that way.

Have 11yo twins. Our school does a strict split twins up year group. Not once have they both been invited to the same party apart from in nursery.

Yeah they were sometimes upset by it but just needs a reminder that they're not Frank's friend and also John wasn't invited to Berts party like you were, end of story.

If in a different class then definitely no.

So it’s not in fact a hard one at all as you say if they were in separate classes you wouldn’t expect them to be invited together, which is exactly the scenario here.

No different to any other family with more than one child, where one is invited to a party though?!

Nah I'm a twin mom and always reiterate to parents not to feel they must invite both.

Just say "sorry x can't come. Have a lovely weekend".

You don't need to explain yourself

But that’s nothing to do with them being twins. That’s just the way of it for any parent, especially single parent, with more than one child.

I did just this last month.
DD and the twins are in the same class, but she only plays with one of them. Simple as that.

It would be hard for them. They’re only 7. It’s perfectly okay for them to find it hard.

Despite being separate people, they are also twins and it would upset them. I would help them navigate it.

How rude of them!

I’m curious about what the parent said exactly. I can’t quite imagine being that rude to someone who has invited my child to a party.

Personally I would include the twin.

Another aspect - I recall that my two had two or three joint parties in primary years, and it was always a case of each twin invited their own list of friends. I made it clear that if anyone brought a present they should only bring one for the twin that invited them, not both.

I have no idea why they put them in different classes and expect them to have the same friends.

My daughter was friends with one twin for most of primary school. Never occurred to me to invite her twin brother because his sister was friends with my daughter. They were in the same class and my daughter had coed parties but she wasn’t friends with the boy so he wasn’t invited. Don’t think I ever saw him at the parties my daughter went to actually - they had totally different friend groups.

Identical twins are not clones!!!

They are breathtakingly unreasonable.

I have twins aged 8. One is invited to parties every blooming weekend. The other has had one all year (that was at the start of sept!). They are B/G but have always had the same group of (all female) friends, despite being in separate classes in a year group of 90. This year he’s stopped being invited to the girls’ parties; they seem to have become “girls only” parties. I dunno if it’s an age thing. It’s really hard for him to see his sister being invited to parties of his friends when he isn’t and I have declined her invite to a couple (but never said it’s because he’s not invited) because deep down I feel pissed off and sad for him and would rather just spend the weekend doing something nice with both of them, especially when due to location/childcare the alternative is her going and he and I loitering near the party waiting for her to finish.
So whilst I would always say absolutely you don’t have to invite them both, I would also say sometimes raising twins can be more complex than people realise and there may be more nuanced reasons she declined.