To only invite one twin?

[orancing]

I’m curious. Birthday girl (7) a party with a limited number of guests. One person she invited is a twin. Their twin sister is in a different class.

Invite is refused by twins parents because they say both should have been invited?

I am twin. I am entire seperate entity to my twin and we went to loads of seperate parties at kids. I think even by 8 we were having our own parties as we had different friends.

Twins are seperate people and individuals. I never understand why this is so hard for people and even some parents of twins to understand.

They're literally not clones. An egg split and turned into two zygotes and eventually babies with enough epigenetic changes that they have small physical differences and different personalities.
One of them isn't simply a copy of the other

Devastating is little dramatic - it’s a party and they aren’t always going to both be invited. One gets invited and attends, the other doesn’t.

I'm a twin. I would have been severely pissed off if I wasn't allowed to have gone to a party because my twin wasn't invited.

I have an older sibling and I know I would have found it incredibly unfair seeing them being allowed to go to any party they were invited yet I wasn't allowed to go to one with my friends because my twin wasn't invited.

Fairness is treating them as individuals and I say that as a twin.

I know 2 sets of young adult identical twins. One set, the parents wouldn’t let them have separate lives and did the same thing if one of them was invited somewhere. They now have no friends. Their parents have done them a massive disservice.

I wonder what my twisn would be like if thry hadn't split, they're similar in some respects but so different in others.
But it's weird you go around calling your children clones. Who do yo u say is the clone of who? Also clone implies a generational difference as one is made from the other.

At most, scientifically they're both clones of something that doesn't exist, so it's weird to tell them they're clones of a bundle of cells that no longer exists

I think the point is they have the same friends so not inviting one twin when you're friends with both is harder than inviting one cos you only really know one. Especially as that age, they're still in infant school

Surely the point of them being in separate classes was that they're treated as individuals

You need to teach them that just because they are twins they are still separate people and allowed to have separate friends, or you are going to have issues later down the line.

One of the reasons why we put DT’s in separate classes from nursery and into school. They are separate individuals and don’t come as a pair.

At age 7 id have invited both I think.

I have twins…i wouldn’t mind the individual invites but ONLY if its drop and go parties - id like the time to spent 1-2-1 with the other twin as its so rare. But if you are expecting parents to stay then YABU - lots of single parents etc dont magically have someone who can look after siblings whilst they are at a party

I made it clear at school that mine were not a pair and could do parties, playdates etc separately. They have always been close but had no problems being separated for events like parties.

If one was invited on a play date I generally got the other one to choose a friend to invite home. That way they each had a fun time and neither of them was lonely without the other one.

They're not clones. One wasn't produced from the other.

At this age then I think the parents are being silly. Or are they the type that still dress them the same and treat them in exactly the same way?

My daughter has two sets of twins in her class, when she first started school she was friends with the girl twin in one pair and so invited her to her party but not the boy twin. She was friends with both girl twins so both were invited.
At her last party she only invited one of the girls from the girl twin pair as that's who she is friends with. The girl twins are very different (one sporty, one girly) and have different personalities so it would be no different than inviting one child from a family and not their siblings.

They are twins but they’re also siblings and it’s not expected to invite siblings of friends if your child isn’t friends with them. I wonder if the school has put them in separate classes on purpose so they develop their own sense of self

Unfortunately they didn’t get a choice on friends. They’ve been in a composite class of mostly boys since starting school. They each play with the same group of girls but not at the same time. So one twin might play with A&B whilst the other plays with C. The next day it might be one twin with A and one with B&C.

So yes, they play separately but overall, being left out of that group for a party would be really upsetting for both.

If they were in different classes then I would understand getting invited to different parties and so would they.

Did I say that if one wasn’t invited the other couldn’t go?

Im saying that at age 7 they would be extremely upset.

if they arent in the same class, i don’t see a problem. Speaking as a twin who went through primary school in a different class from my brother

I have ID twins, they were in a single form entry primary. They are individuals and as the whole class parties tapered off sometime one got invited to a party and the other didn’t. The mum is doing them a disservice by insisting they both get invited.

Parent is being ridiculous.

The first time it happened we did have to manage/parent that and I’m sure their were tears, but it’s an important lesson they need to learn.

And they will learn it. It doesn’t make it any easier for them.

It doesn’t, but that’s not the other parent’s responsibility.

They're not. G x E.

Epigentically they will have had different experiences in utero and every day beyond.