‘I don’t like this day!’

[Enterausernamecomeon]

Really struggling with my child at the moment.
Took her for a lovely day out today, bike ride, big ice cream and the arcades. She played games and won some sweets. As we were heading to go home, she was looking in a shop at some toys and bags, I told her we weren’t buying anything as had had a lovely day out with ice cream and had lots of treats in the Easter holidays (which she did) She kept going on and on, I was saying no and starting to get angry. She eventually came out of the shop and back to the car with me and was saying how she was not happy and this was not a good day. I find it so upsetting, she constantly wants things and I have to warn her in advance that we aren’t buying toys/extra sweets/anything today, even just a basic trip to the supermarket is stressful. Is this normal? I feel like i’m raising a spoilt child and don’t know how to stop it.
Parenting was so much easier when she was little, everything is a battle now
Please can anyone advise what you would do in situations like this?

She’s almost 8

Don't argue with her OP. As I said repeat the same sentence 'The answer is No, we spoke about this before we came out'. Walk away if she starts trying to argue with you and don't engage. Your daughter wants you to argue with her, get frustrated/upset and give in!! If you get to a point and you feel you must say something, then I would say 'You are being extremely rude by keeping asking, when you know the answer is No, and I don't buy rude children presents' and walk away.

Yes I think it is another whole exercise making them realise that if they’re saving it doesn’t mean just spending your money in the meantime!

Saying that you are saving too is a good idea.

My two have a habit of interpreting “I can’t afford that” (frivolous thing) as “we’re going to be out on the streets by next Tuesday”, so I have to be careful how I put it!”

She will literally stand there and ask again and again after Ive said no and don’t ask again, in the middle of the shop. Honestly it drives me mad. In the end I ignore and we walk off but it does ruin things a lot of the time

Yes I don’t really want to emphasise too much that we don’t have enough money but I really don’t all the time!

Bless you, i feel your pain! Id forgotten how my son used to do things like this and it really upset me, but as others have said they're just kids and they live in the moment. Try not to let it get to you - they sound like adults but they aren't, the intent behind the ungrateful words is very different. They're just having a momentary whine.

Don't engage in arguments, say no, then ignore.

It does get better!

PS are you a single mum? I was for many years and I think its worse when you have no one to share these niggles with. Apologies if I've made an incorrect assumption.

I do this. DS accepts it now and we have gone from "whyyyyy can't I have it" to "please can we put this on my list?"
Chances are it is forgotten 10 mins later.

I could’ve wrote this OP. My son is 8 and it’s a constant battle when whenever we go to the shops. Even the walk home from school ends in an argument because he wants something from the local shop. It’s so stressful!

He asked for a watch the other day and I said “No” over and over. Then I pointed out that he had loads of money in his safe so if he really wanted it, he must pay for it. It was £40 and he paid for it!

I also get the “This is the worst day ever” - he said this after a day at Euro Disney once and I wanted to scream 😱 😂😂 All because I wouldn’t buy him anything from the gift shop.

Hopefully it’ll get better for us 🤞

No, not a single mum, just took Dd out alone today, Dh also gets cross about this too

It really is constant at the moment, so stressful isn’t it 🫣

You must be consistent so make sure that you don't sometimes get talked round once you've said no. Remind yourself that she's had hours having fun and the demanding behaviour is just a small time, probably when she is getting tired.

My 5 year old says this to me. She can have had a new bike and a birthday party in the morning, but not being allowed to get sweets from the corner shop will make it the worst day ever. I just say ‘oh dear [name]” and go on with my day. I don’t entertain it but I also don’t give in.

Yes I think I almost took it personally, which is ridiculous I know and should just continue to say no firmly but breezily and then ignore and nothing else

It’s the age. My son is 13 now but I remember this between the age of 6-9. He outgrew it.
he does still ask for things but if we say no he’ll either accept it or counter with the offer of extra chores.

Just stick to your guns. I personally never have a shite if he had a tantrum over it. His brothers are both at the age where they ask and ask and if they tantrum it’s tough shit. Answers no.

In that case I'd say make sure you offload to each other and then try to see the funny side. It can make so much difference, feeling like someone else gets it.

Thats not how children's minds work

You also have to remember that you’re looking back at your own childhood with blinkers.

”I would have been so happy to have received XYZ”

“I would have been so easily pleased with XYZ”

yeah speak to your parents. I guarantee they would remember you being 7/8 very very differently.

I would have sent her to her room and taken the sweets.

My DNs always get bought things, there's never a day out without a trip to the gift shop, it's never a packed lunch from home it's always a meal out, sweets just before lunch, a magazine because they're in Tesco, a £25 toy because she said it was cute and they were walking past the shop to get milk. Whereas for us the trip is the treat, we usually pack a lunch, occasionally we don't and on rare occasion we will ask ds if he wants a souvenir. He is always pleased, and rarely asks for stuff in shops. For smaller things like comics he's given the option to use his pocket money and we'll break it down together, how many weeks pocket money it is etc and he's quite good at saying he doesn't think something is worth it.
My DNs nag for things all the time and interestingly if food or drinks often don't even eat or drink them. Is she used to getting things when you go out, had it become an expectation?
If not she is chancing her arm just say no and walk away she will follow.

My DS actually prefers a packed lunch on a day out, I think! So that’s lucky for me 😄 Because there’s no waiting.

An ice cream or similar is then fine as I haven’t forked out for lunch.

This thread has actually made me realise he’s grown out of the magpie phase a bit!

It’s sad your DNs have been so spoiled. I do think if kids have absolutely everything they want, they stop enjoying it. Obviously it’s much sadder for kids who have nothing, but it does become the case that nothing is as enjoyable if you have too much.

I have to warn her in advance that we aren’t buying toys/extra sweets/anything today,

That's possibly counter-productive. It feels like setting up a battle in advance. I can understand how you might have felt driven to do this. But it sounds like she has locked herself into a panicky perception that she has to control you in order to avoid any sense of frustration or deprivation, and your warning might just confirm that perception and prime her for conflict.

If at all possible, it can be good to say 'no' just once, and then ignore any further pleading/manipulation/etc, so that the battle is more contained in a single moment rather than leaking over minute or hours or the whole day.

And sometimes the 'no' can be folded into a 'yes' -- by saying something like "Yes, that would be a lovely thing for us to get you when it is your birthday". That can help to disrupt the panicky perception of a battle of wills

I used a rule of 3 with mine - if I had to tell them a third time it was game over and we went home or they didn’t get what they were promised.

I’d be really disappointed with that behaviour and don’t agree with other posters saying it’s normal!

I would on the way home have said that after all the effort and expense I’d put into the day, that her comments were ungrateful and make you hesitate to do nice things . Kids need to know when they’ve gone too far.

It’s completely normal for children to say things like this- you need to not take their behaviour so personally. A child’s feelings need to be regulated, not reacted to. I would really recommend reading the book “the book you wish your parents had read”. It would help you a lot.

It sounds a bit like your amazing day was slightly overwhelming for your child (even good things can be overwhelming if it’s a long or busy day) and this happened when they were drained. The other feeling they are expressing there is frustration/disappointment, which is totally normal and naming the feeling then validating that would be far more effective than being cross. “It’s disappointing when we can’t have something we want isn’t it. We can’t get that, but we could put it on your Christmas list “

Ah my seven year old is like this, if I say no she starts with 'this is the worst day' or 'nobody in this family loves me....'Sometimes I ignore it and sometimes I go petty and list all the things we've given her recently. My older son was like it until about ten or eleven when he had saved up some birthday morning and we went to sports direct. He got really quiet looking around the shop, then came to me really sadly and said 'Mum, everything is so expensive...' Something just clicked and he got a lot better after that, so there's definitely hope.

If it's any consolation I told my daughter when she was about the same age that we were going for a surprise day out and it would be really fun. We went to a theme park with rides, a water park and a children's zoo and had lunch and dinner out- it was exhausting and I thought we'd had a really great day. So I was disappointed in the car on the way home at 10pm when a little voice piled up 'are we going to do the fun thing now?'