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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to do my child's first school uniform shopping myself?

71 replies

Mummytobe1994 · 18/04/2026 20:23

My MIL and FIL arent really involved in my childrens’ lives more than offering occasional babysitting duties and seeing them once every few weeks (when we make the effort to go over), never really bother to see them off their own back.

Eldest child is about to start school in September and we’re all very excited for her, today we went over and mentioned we found out which primary they’ll be attending earlier this week. MIL proceeded to tell me that when she is babysitting next Friday (pre agreed due to a hospital appt I can’t take children with me to) she will take DD to school uniform shop and buy their school book bag and a jumper along with any other bits. Am I being unreasonable that I don’t want her to do this?

DD is a bit unsure about going to school as she’s a younger one in the year and pre school friends haven’t gotten into the same primary as her, I have reassured her with incentives and I think she is academically and emotionally ready other than this minor wobble. I want to be the one to do the school uniform shop for my child, this is our first child to go to school and it’s a bit early to be doing it now anyway? Even if she buys the bag, I just envisioned us having that experience, but I don’t know if I’m being ungrateful?

should I just let her take the children to the shop and DD get things for school with grandma or should I politely tell her not to do that? I don’t want to offend MIL but she does step over the line frequently and I can’t tell if I’m being sensitive on this.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 18/04/2026 20:23

I’d let her
there’s still loads of other uniform bits to buy including shoes etc
I think it’s a nice gesture

Thowaway · 18/04/2026 20:25

My MIL was the same. I said ‘that would be so helpful - we need to do the uniform bits but how would you feel about getting her her first school shoes?’

Basically I find one thing I can let them ‘have’ so I can keep the rest back.

I get it, btw. Others will say it’s PFB but they had their own time, this is yours

redskyAtNigh · 18/04/2026 20:27

Buying a school book bag is just buying ticking a thing off a list. It's not special particularly.

I agree it's too early to buy uniform though, so I would get her to hold off on that

Needmorelego · 18/04/2026 20:28

I my experience uniform buying is NOT FUN.
Small children cry because they discover they have to have the blue jumper and not the red one they prefer.
They whinge that the shoes are horrible and want to wear wellies instead.
They complain about the material feeling weird.
Then they sob their hearts out when you tell them they have to have a school bookbag instead of a Spiderman backpack.
If your in-laws want to do it.....let them.

HippeePrincess · 18/04/2026 20:31

I’d jump at that, if you don’t accept this then you risk not getting any offers in the future. It’s just uniform.

WonderingWanda · 18/04/2026 20:31

I think you are maybe taking this the wrong way, surely mil is trying to be nice and offering to buy some of it. Surely you dd can come home and do a fashion show for you to show it all off. Your dd will not enjoy the experience anyway.

MumOryLane · 18/04/2026 20:31

I would assume they're trying to something nice. It's well known school uniform costs a fortune so it's a very kind gesture.

DNLove · 18/04/2026 20:31

Not unreasonable at all. I want the firsts with my child and the special days. Unless them taking the burden of costs off you would help you out and it works in your favour. If that would help maybe let them buy the essentials and bring your daughter for a mother daughter day and let her pick a chain with a heart pendant or something so that she'll always have Mammy's heart when she's away from you in school. You focus on her emotional need. Afternoon tea cause she's becoming a big girl now.

Alltheusefulitems · 18/04/2026 20:32

Thowaway · 18/04/2026 20:25

My MIL was the same. I said ‘that would be so helpful - we need to do the uniform bits but how would you feel about getting her her first school shoes?’

Basically I find one thing I can let them ‘have’ so I can keep the rest back.

I get it, btw. Others will say it’s PFB but they had their own time, this is yours

This is a great suggestion!

SadBoys · 18/04/2026 20:33

Book bag is fine, but I wouldn’t buy anything that needs to fit yet, even if you buy an oversized one — it’s only April! September is a long way away in terms of growth.

AnotherName2025 · 18/04/2026 20:33

School uniform shop to buy the book bag & a jumper, let her crack on!

you can still take her to buy any 'fun' stuff she needs (drink bottle if they don't have school ones, which skirts/trousers she likes, hair accessories? Shoes) there's SO much to buy Grandma buying a couple of bits won't stop you having the experience with DD.

OhBettyCalmDown · 18/04/2026 20:35

It’s not unreasonable at all. If you want to share that moment with your DC that’s fine. Just thank her for the kind gesture but say it’s something you’ve been looking forward to doing together. It’s hard when your caught off guard but there’s no need to agree to something your not happy with.

Thefingerofblame · 18/04/2026 20:39

@Mummytobe1994 it costs a fortune so make sure you give them the full list of what she needs (coat, 2-3 jumpers, 5 shirts etc…)! 😂. Just take her school shoe shopping in the summer - that’s the fun part for girls!

OP, you’re lucky to be supported. Many of us would have loved our financially comfortable parents or in-laws to have helped.

AliasGrape · 18/04/2026 20:39

I’d let her get the bag honestly, I don’t remember uniform shopping being particularly special in fact I did most of it online. The special bit is them trying it on afterwards of course, but I do agree that it’s early to buy anything that needs to fit in September.

My in laws really kindly offered to pay for DD’s first school shoes but it was a ‘tell us how much they cost and I’ll transfer it’ kind of thing. It really helps though, they go through a lot!

FantasiaTurquoise · 18/04/2026 20:40

I totally understand but uniform shopping is not as fun or special as you think it's going to be. The Uniform shops are crazy busy in summer so it will be a 10 minute and unceremonial job for someone to work out her jumper size, grab the relevant book bag and check the list for any other branded stuff she needs. The special moment is seeing your child all dressed up on their first day and taking that front door photo, and you'll be the one who gets to do that.

My daughter was terrified about starting school - she knew no-one and loads of the other kids came from the same nursery. Just know that reception teachers are experts at settling children in. The first half term is literally all about settling in and helping them get used to it and make friends.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 18/04/2026 20:40

Mine wanted to help too so they always take them for shoes, so maybe there’s a compromise? It’s not that exciting though at this age, little kids don’t want to try on lots of jumpers really

WaytoGoAsshole · 18/04/2026 20:44

I would jump at that

Denim4ever · 18/04/2026 20:44

I'm afraid that I just bought it all online aside from shoes. Maybe that's a boy/girl difference. We did do a 'fashion show'' with the grandparents and to figure out how much too big the smallest sweatshirt would be. DS was teeny

SpanThatWorld · 18/04/2026 20:50

Yeah, I bought all the generic stuff online and the school branded stuff was just fill in a form and pick up a plastic bag of polyester.

It is honestly not a lovely experience. Your child has almost no choice in what they wear and it's all awful.

Thunderdcc · 18/04/2026 20:53

It is way too early, she will grow and it is far too long for a 4yo to understand that it isn't Sept yet.

Tell her it will be great nearer the time, schools are perfectly capable of announcing in July they are changing the uniform tbh.

ItsameLuigi · 18/04/2026 20:54

Denim4ever · 18/04/2026 20:44

I'm afraid that I just bought it all online aside from shoes. Maybe that's a boy/girl difference. We did do a 'fashion show'' with the grandparents and to figure out how much too big the smallest sweatshirt would be. DS was teeny

I have a boy and girl and still do it online. The thought of being in uniform shops in august just nope 😂😂. Hair accessories, shoes and bottles etc I don't mind going to a shop but the rest I order.

Endofyear · 18/04/2026 21:02

I have 5 kids and have done more uniform shopping than I care to remember! If my MIL had offered to do this, I'd have bitten her hand off! Is she offering to pay for it all too? Write her a list and let her get on with it !

Silverbirchleaf · 18/04/2026 21:06

I’m surprised how many people are saying that’s okay. Your first child starting school is a big occasion, so of course you want the excitement of kitting her out.

I would politely say no, but the fact that she has mentioned it, she will probably do it anyway. Can you go before Friday ? Go to the shop, buy the book bag etc, and then go for a special tea (even if it’s McDonald’s).

(Don’t take the label off any clothing in case you haven’t swop sizes later).

aCatCalledFawkes · 18/04/2026 21:10

Middle ground here. You can order lots of school uniform online, but also you have 11yrs more years of it and it just gets more expensive. I don't remember uniform shopping for my kids first years at school. I think my mum helped and even over the last holidays my nearly 15yr old needed new school trousers.
If you really don't want her to do it your right to stop it but also I would pick your battles.

Topjoe19 · 18/04/2026 21:28

I think that's generous and I would say thank you very much but then I find uniform shopping really tedious!