AIBU to want to do my child's first school uniform shopping myself?

[Mummytobe1994]

My MIL and FIL arent really involved in my childrens’ lives more than offering occasional babysitting duties and seeing them once every few weeks (when we make the effort to go over), never really bother to see them off their own back.

Eldest child is about to start school in September and we’re all very excited for her, today we went over and mentioned we found out which primary they’ll be attending earlier this week. MIL proceeded to tell me that when she is babysitting next Friday (pre agreed due to a hospital appt I can’t take children with me to) she will take DD to school uniform shop and buy their school book bag and a jumper along with any other bits. Am I being unreasonable that I don’t want her to do this?

DD is a bit unsure about going to school as she’s a younger one in the year and pre school friends haven’t gotten into the same primary as her, I have reassured her with incentives and I think she is academically and emotionally ready other than this minor wobble. I want to be the one to do the school uniform shop for my child, this is our first child to go to school and it’s a bit early to be doing it now anyway? Even if she buys the bag, I just envisioned us having that experience, but I don’t know if I’m being ungrateful?

should I just let her take the children to the shop and DD get things for school with grandma or should I politely tell her not to do that? I don’t want to offend MIL but she does step over the line frequently and I can’t tell if I’m being sensitive on this.

I would see this as overstepping.

Not because buying my children’s uniform is anything particularly special, but because I don’t want other people picking things out for my children to wear that are not to my taste, or in my price range.

I want to dress my children how I want to dress them. It’s not up to someone else to chose what shoes they wear. And for those shoes to be limited to someone else’s budget.

To me, this is no different to my MIL picking out a dress for me to wear to a wedding. Or an item of furniture for my home.

It’s not help; it’s overstepping. And you certainly don’t have to be grateful just because someone is prepare to part with some cash on you or your child. You didn’t ask them to do so!

I would much rather the grandparents made a bit more effort to see their grandchildren. Maybe spent that money on a nice day out for them and their grandchildren. Not on school uniform 5 months in advance!

Again, it’s not help. I’m sure you have 100 other things on your radar before getting your children prepared for school in September. People like your MIL are just a massive pain in the arse.

So tell her then?

It wouldn't have bothered me, it's a huge PITA (at least here) to have to go and find parking by the shop, then pay in cash only (don't ask me why they don't accept card) and if it's busy, have to wait in a queue for ages.

But she's your MIL, just say you appreciate the offer but for her first time you'd like to take her.

I would see this as overstepping. Not because buying my children's uniform is anything particularly special, but because I don’t want other people picking things out for my children to wear that are not to my taste, or in my price range.

It's a school uniform! There shouldn't be any taste or price range involved. The whole point is that everything is identical.

I think she’s trying to be involved and kind not overstepping intentionally.

Book bags and jumpers are standard, DD won’t remember who bought them but MIL will feel involved. If DD is wobbly about school then MIL’s contribution will be more support to create a positive feel. I’d rather she contributed towards the standard stuff and you can buy the items with more variety such as skirt v pinafore, styles of shoes/trainers, lunchbox etc.

That’s not true.

It depends on the school.

Shoes, jackets, school bags etc certainly aren’t identical.

Even where people buy school shirts/jumpers/trousers etc varies.

I’d like to chose the quality of my children’s uniform, and shoes/jacket/bag to my own taste, not to my MIL’s or anyone else’s.

It’s no different to my own clothing, or items for my home.

People have their own preferences - it is very much overstepping to buy things like this for people when they didn’t ask you to.

We have to buy nearly all of it online via schoolblazer; there hasn’t been a physical shop for years now. Even the shoes I got online from Startrite as I have the measuring gauge and seemed easier than battling in late August when everyone is doing the same. But if a relative was kind enough to offer to buy any of it (in person or online) I’d jump at the chance! And even better that it’s the branded/fixed stuff so no issue with her choosing frilly socks or whatever that you’d hate. Also, the branded items can quickly add up and get quite expensive so IMO you’d be mad to turn that down in order to have some sort of ‘special moment’.

Agree with a PP - give them shoes. It’s a pain in the neck and decent school shoes are really expensive. April/May is far too early. Your DD will have grown by September, but also all the offers come out in July/August. My kids’ uniform shop offered 10% discount for a few weeks after schools broke up for the summer break. M&S and the supermarkets also have deals on uniform over the summer.

Jumpers are so £££ and get lost all the time, I would ask her to buy 6-7 x 3 or something, then you can still pick her first one but she's relieved you of a significant burden 🤣

Why do you say they are not involved in your children’s lives when they see them regularly and also occasionally babysit?! They clearly are involved in their lives. I am neither here nor there about the uniform “issue” but I do find that comment very odd given what you go on to say.

I can understand that. Although my children's first school didn't have any kind of uniform, so the two occasions didn't correlate. We only had to buy a bookbag and that was aIl until junior school. I must say I never particularly enjoyed school uniform shopping as the kids found it tedious and the shop was horribly busy, but I still see where you're coming from. Perhaps you could insist that she only gets certain items because 'it's too much', and then you get the rest later?

Also, I think it is a bit early - she will grow in the summer and there's months to go yet.

Yep, in the real world most mums do.

It's a bit early to buy everything yet, just in case of growth spurts, but I think this is a very kind offer. I would think taking them up on getting the book bag/shoes would be useful. I know families where the grandparents always get the kids' winter coats, which is also very helpful. I have never had any help offered, but wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth!

I just picked everything up in supermarkets (asda jumpers and sainsbury's shoes last well). As long as the jumper/cardigan is school colours everything else is fairly generic.

My DGD starts school this year and I have offered to pay for uniform and shoes. Our DD and SIL will buy the items required and I’ll give them the money. It helps them out and gives me pleasure to do.

I would say thats a lovely thought but could we go on a day we can all go together?

BTW. Not what you're asking but trust me school uniform does sell out. There's usually sales of the basics in supermarkets and M&S round about June. But the logo stuff can go out of stock particularly the PE kit. And you often have to make appointments for school shoe fitting round by us.

Could you suggest the three of you going to the shop together? It is perhaps a bit early to buy shirts etc but I wouldn’t leave it too late. We’ve found the reception age items sell out more quickly than older sizes.

This is so true

My main memory of buying DS’s first school uniform was that he’d outgrown it all before he started school, and we had to return it all for bigger sizes. So three points -

1. don’t buy uniform too soon.
2. it’s not a big, big deal and it costs a fortune
3. keep your MiL sweet!

i would let her, if not the uniform itself,

FGS let her. plenty of people wouldn't have this offer or anyone who cared