Should a wife tell her DH to avoid someone..?

[mujer1997]

….if it makes her feel happy or unthreatened? Even if her DH hasn’t technically done anything wrong, as in no inappropriate messages or meetings to another woman.

I’ve read threads where a woman has asked her DH to stop talking to a younger woman who he is chatty with, whose company he seems to enjoy, and who seems to be conventionally attractive, because the woman just didn’t like it… so she basically asks/tells/makes her DH feel guilty such that he ‘actively avoids’ the younger woman.

Do you think that wives should do this?
YANBU if yes, YABU if no.

@gannett

God I hate the phrase "nip it in the bud". As well as being pointless, as you say, it's so infantilising.

Isn't it just. It's the wife as "Mummy", telling the husband she knows best. Whenever someone talks about nipping something in the bud I know they have a very domineering and codependent approach to their marriage.

Nipping it in the bud - yes, nip it before the other person can spiral and do the bad-bad thing, it is a good thing the more intelligent half of the partnership is there to spray water in their face so everything can stay 'good'. Like a true hero.

Given that we are civilised people living in a modern age, I am fairly certain most of us are able to exist around attractive members of the opposite sex without going crazy. What people need to realise is that when they are insecure about their partner communicating with others who are from the other sex - it is about them, not the partner. It is their insecurity or their mistrust. So it's up to them to decide how they deal with it. Talk about it with the partner like grownups, or make up scenarios in their own head and sulk in silence, like some teenager. If the insecurity is about being cheated on by someone else in the past - that is also not about the partner, it is not fair to treat anyone a certain way because some other person has done something. If the partner has a history of cheating on you - well, that is also on you, why on earth are you still there?

Also - 'flirting'. Sometimes I am shocked by what some people consider flirting, when often times in my head it is just existing in a civilised way. One time I offered my wife's friend that I would help her carry a new washing machine and fridge freezer to her new apartment, and a lady at my old workplace told me that she doesn't know why my wife is ok with me flirting like that. Flirting. Just trying to be helpful is flirting according to her. Interestingly, a guy from the same workplace moved and I went to help him lift things, interestingly that was not flirting somehow...

If it were me, I wouldn't deem to tell him anything! I would certainly comment something like "It's nice that you get on so well. You seem to be spending a lot of time with them" etc to see what the reaction was. But ultimately, if they want to be with someone else, they will. I'm not going to do a pick me dance.

@exhaustDAD Some wives or girlfriends do think that having a polite conversation, joking or laughing, is ‘flirting’ and they will basically reprimand their DH for doing it.

@mujer1997
And some people are controlling! And some people are dickheads.

Married people of either sex should actively avoid developing intense friendships with attractive members of the opposite sex.

Good advice.

They should be encouraged to only have intense friendships with mingers of the opposite sex.

In all situations? What if they are colleagues or part of a big friendship group?

🤣