AIBU to not enjoy other people’s “events”?

[Saltedcaramelicecream]

I could be a completely miserable bitch so just throwing it out there to see if anyone else feels the same? 😂

I don’t look forward to or get excited about events listed below, I want to decline almost all of them. They feel like a chore.
I don’t like forced fun, cheesy music, inconvenient travel arrangements, meeting people’s extended families or friends.

Weddings
christenings
birthday celebrations e.g 30th, 60th etc,
hen dos
baby showers
any event that includes an arranged activity like bottomless brunch etc

I’ve been invited to a hen do and was given 4 dates to choose from and I’ve simply said I’m not coming, thanks!
Also I’ve been given 6 months notices for a 60th and I’m already thinking of declining.

If it makes it any better I’m very low key, I used to be a party animal but I don’t have any celebrations for myself.
I just love holidays, a quiet trip to the pub or a gig if I’m feeling wild. I’m late 30s.

Well unless you've never so much as sniffed Mumsnet before, you'll know you're certainly not alone.

A lot of people like to post about how they hate these sort of things.

Way more than people ever post about liking them.

You're not very sociable. There's nothing wrong with the events and lots of people do enjoy them, but there's no law on attending.

You are free to decline - but bear in mind the invitations might dry up.

I hate stuff like this too. I'll go to things that are important to the people I love, and I'll have a smile on my face about it, but I'd rather not.

And I get the horrors at the idea of summoning everyone to something like this on my behalf - even my wedding was 20 people. We'd originally planned a big thing but the thought of spending what was looking like 20k on the exact kind of thing I don't enjoy and then requiring everyone else to travel/get hotels for it felt very self-indulgent and rude (which I know is an unpopular view! But it's how I felt.)

But I'm an extreme introvert and I know that :)

Fine to feel it, but don’t sneer at the very idea of the celebration.

It's fine not to be sociable but I do feel that family events are kind of what glues the family together and it's nice to show up and show your support for your family.

Friends don't matter so much

I think loads of people feel the same - I never go to baby showers or hen dos because I find them by and large to be tacky and expensive. I don't go to christenings as I am not faintly religious. Weddings I do if I am close to people and same goes for birthdays. Other events it depends - I do go to our local theatre a couple of times a year with a couple of friends, plus I enjoy love music so also go along with one or two people. I prefer a low key trip to the pub or out to dinner most often. I am sociable and I am an extrovert, but there is stuff I just don't enjoy doing and as is so often said on here, an invitation is not a summons. I'm going to a wedding in London in October - it's a friend I haven't seen in ages, so it will be really nice to catch up with her, plus I lived in the city for over a decade so a good chance to spend a couple of days there and catch up with with other people.

They do to those of us without much family.

I like the social aspect of seeing people all together who you may not otherwise manage to catch up with. However I agree that it can get very tedious when the person makes the day too much about themselves. Things such as making guests stand around for hours, not having sufficient food or drink around or forcing guests to partake in games or creative exercises that aren't remotely fucking entertaining. Nobody is interested in coming up with lines of text or being forced to paint or draw something on the spot.

The other thing I cannot stand is the difficulty of leaving such events. Admittedly, the host isn't responsible for this, but big events are impossible to gracefully exit from. From the moment you decide to leave, you have to say goodbye to 20-50 people, and at any point you might get wrapped in more small talk. Worst still if you have a useless husband who cannot stop endless "final conversations" with any of the 50 people he needs to be saying goodbye to or an overtired, hyper child who constantly runs away and refuses to leave. And because it's impossible to get angry about it publicly, it's usually just me seething internally while we stand about for another 1-2 hours with nothing happening.

Forced fun was a term for the team building bullshit in work, not when meeting up with family and friends. Do you not like your friends? If you are an introvert, fair enough, but to not want to see people who you supposedly like/love on their special occasions isn't normal. However, we all know people who struggle when it isn't about them.

I tend to not enjoy events which mean I'll be with a lot of people who've drunk too much. Was married to an alcoholic, and feel very uneasy and unsafe around people drinking a lot 🙁

YABU I hate stuff like that.
I particularly hate weddings because you are expected to dress up and look polished... and I am simply not capable of that. I find it all very stressful looking for something to wear etc.
This will sound odd, but the last big event I went to and really enjoyed was my grandad's funeral. It took place on a site where you can have the whole day there, and by the evening it was a real party atmosphere. He would have bloody loved it. He was a Jehovah's Witness, and they do seem to know how to party (the ones in my family anyway).

I have gone to one baby shower and I did find it really cringe. it was just a circle of women sipping alcohol free wine and playing games that are more suitable for a kids birthday party. The men got to go to the pub!

I can’t identify, I love going all out for a celebration, but it’s personal preference, how could it be unreasonable? I don’t mind if people decline events I invite them to, I just stop inviting them to things, I imagine we’re all much happier.

I don't really enjoy them but see then as part of how friendships are maintained. I value my family and friends so I go along with a smile.

They are a chore. I'm not a fan at all.

I hate weddings as well they are just so fake and no matter how hard people try and be different they are all almost identical and cost a fortune . Moneymaking racket in my opinion. I would rather a house party or just a few beers in the pub than any of these formal events .

You like what you like and that's okay. I do think it's unreasonable to not push yourself out of your comfort zone to celebrate special occasions with people you are close to. Making an effort to make someone feel like they matter is very important in my opinion. I'm genuinely happy for my friends when they have something to celebrate but if I wasn't I'd pretend that I was for their benefit.

Bloody hell OP that's pretty miserable. So what if you don't love them - do you love your friend who is getting married and wanted you at your hen so much she offered you four choices? I hope she ditches you.

MN is the home of introverts and antisocial misanthropes who sneer at social events and just want to be with their ‘little family’. It’s fine never to go to events and stay at home. But it is certainly not a life I would want to lead at any age.

I don’t drink yet I am very sociable and invest a lot of time into my friends and family and it brings rewards.

I love being invited to things as it’s very rare for me but I can’t wear heels or flats due to foot and ankle issues so I feel very ugly compared to every other woman. Never know what to wear and see lovely dresses all the time thinking “if only I could pull it off”.

It's fine to not personally enjoy these things, but tbh I think people who can't be arsed to make the effort for one important event such a a baby shower, or a wedding, which are obviously really important milestones to your friend or family, are dicks.

On a personal level, I'm extraverted, and like events with friends and family. I do hate weddings, but I'm happy for whoever is getting married, and that's more important than my feelings.

If these events aren’t for you then that’s fine. There have always been extroverts that don’t like parties.

However there is a wider shift of the general population socialising more on SM and as a result, seeking less connection in real life. This is dangerous for mental health and particularly bad for some young people who struggle to develop the skills to socialise IRL.

If you don’t like parties then knowing that about yourself can be liberating. But be vigilant about where you are getting your connection from.

I can't stand enforced joviality. I much prefer low key, see how it goes meet ups then massive, expensive affairs where people feel they have to have fun. I'm particularly bad if it's anything to do with me....if I wake up miserable on my 50th and dont want a fecking party then I dont.

YANBU.

I sympathise, OP, because I’m not very sociable either. And I become increasingly less so the older I get. There are times, however, when I accept that an occasion isn’t about me or my social discomfort and that I have a responsibility to the people I care about to step up & be there for them at their special time.

I can be sociable in small doses, but I do try to mitigate things a bit. I maintain control of when I arrive & when I leave as much as possible. Mostly, this entails driving there & back & staying sober. I prefer not to be the first to leave (although I invariably leave early) but I will if I have really had enough.

No I don’t love the friend I’ve known her for 8 months 😂

I went to an evening wedding reception of someone I’ve known for twenty years a few years ago so I’m not totally dead inside 😂

I declined the hen because it’s an organised activity in the day and at night time on the weekend in a city. I don’t go out to bars and clubs at night anymore, I find them overwhelming.

I don't mind them as long as I can be home by 9pm.
When it comes to family weddings, you just have to go, though, if you can.

The only time I've refused to do this is when my cousin married for a second time in the town where she met and married her first husband during teacher training. They settled there.

It was the other end of the UK and it was two nights up there.
It had to be done though so I went but it cost a lot in terms of time and money.

I did, however, refuse to go to her second wedding which took place in the same town even though she now lived near me and her and her new fiancee had nothing to do with the place anymore!
I could not put myself through that again.

I think the fact that even her immediate family were a bit pissed off by this made my refusal more acceptable.