AIBU to not enjoy other people’s “events”?

[Saltedcaramelicecream]

I could be a completely miserable bitch so just throwing it out there to see if anyone else feels the same? 😂

I don’t look forward to or get excited about events listed below, I want to decline almost all of them. They feel like a chore.
I don’t like forced fun, cheesy music, inconvenient travel arrangements, meeting people’s extended families or friends.

Weddings
christenings
birthday celebrations e.g 30th, 60th etc,
hen dos
baby showers
any event that includes an arranged activity like bottomless brunch etc

I’ve been invited to a hen do and was given 4 dates to choose from and I’ve simply said I’m not coming, thanks!
Also I’ve been given 6 months notices for a 60th and I’m already thinking of declining.

If it makes it any better I’m very low key, I used to be a party animal but I don’t have any celebrations for myself.
I just love holidays, a quiet trip to the pub or a gig if I’m feeling wild. I’m late 30s.

I have wrestled with this worry over the last few years. I don’t want to go to the events but I also don’t want to be completely friendless.

I think the option is to put in the graft and attend for the people that matter and decline when I don’t really care if I ever see them again or not 😂

I love a party, but I hate weddings. Boring unless you're the one getting married and the food is always terrible or in short supply, or both.

I’m currently knee deep in kids party invites so you can imagine how thrilled I am about that.

I bet you enjoy the ones where you're the centre of attention, though.

I’m only half as bad as you OP. I accept thinking it will be lovely then spend the week before hoping it will get cancelled!!

I think its nice to have an event to go to. They are a bit of a pain but if someone lays on nice food and drink I'm happy. I dont get invited much so it's hard to bitch about. Lots of 18th birthday right now so nice to celebrate friends ' dc growing up.

I feel the same way, once I've decided I want to go, I want to go immediately.
I also dislike all the half unfinished conversations because someone else comes up to say hello and a new conversation starts.

Absolutely not, that’s my worst nightmare!!!!!

I’ve only been to one hen do and never been to a baby shower (I’m older) but I absolutely love all the other things on the list.

Hahaha I spend the week wondering if I’ll get ill so I don’t have to go 😂

In my life, friends matter much indeed.

You do you. I'm quite a quiet person but I love a celebration of any description. I'll have low energy for a few days after but the actual event i usually enjoy.

Oh my gosh in more recent years I just leave, I hate long goodbyes, I can’t stand them!!! It adds half an hour to my night.

Family events are great (for me) as we all get along well and have good fun and teasing etc. when together. That would include weddings, christenings, birthdays, Summer BBQ get togethers etc.

What I do NOT enjoy are events where I don't know the guests very well, so events of acquaintances, colleagues, and others outside the family circle. I'm grateful to be asked to attend, but over the years I've realised that I don't enjoy making small talk with people I don't really know, and with whom I don't have a lot in common. It is very tiring at a lengthy event like a wedding.

More and more I decline the latter.

I do enjoy them sometimes, it’s weird I just don’t want to go, rather I didn’t have to go and then don’t absolutely love them when i’m there.

I just like being in bed by half ten 😂 so night times I would rather be at home.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable - you like what you like! I can’t relate to this (I can understand why you feel like you do), my friends are wonderful and I love celebrating their events with them. I’ve luckily not been to any celebration where they have made it all about them. It’s just been having a fun time with all the people they love. I feel great being included in that. I really look forward to all the events my friends have, it’s a guaranteed great day/night out!!

I do love a family BBQ.

Totally agree with the latter, it feels like work.

HATE baby showers and Hen dos. In fact I would never attend either ever again. Weddings and birthday parties are good if there are friends/family attending. But only every now and then, like 2 or 3 social occasions a year!

Just to be clear I don’t care about people making and event all about them, good for them!!! There is something about these events I can’t be a arsed with.

Same! I will only attend if i know im going to enjoy the company and guaranteed fun! (But it took me a long time to get to this point!)

Maybe it’s the settings I don’t like, if someone’s hen do is a long walk in nature and a country pub then please invite me x

I totally agree OP. I am 50 now, I enjoy family weddings (and more often these days funerals- we live all over the UK and it turns into a proper scottish wake). But spending 100s (if not 1000s) on a forced event which is all about the likes is a no go. My peak was in the 90s though, all the best nights out and get together were not really planned or orchestrated. I a weird mix of being very sociable but also ultimately quite shy.

I hate other people's events too OP. It's because I hate meeting up with large groups of people especially if I don't know half of them and I really hate having to spend money on something that I don't even want to go to. I'd much rather see friends one to one or in a very small group.

I totally agree, dislike them all and will turn them down if possible. Not everyone likes the same things and if you see you friends in other ways that should be enough. That being said I would not decline someones wedding, christening ect if I am close to them.

I think everyone likes to do very different things and that’s ok. I’m very very old. I love to travel, I love a road trip, I love an adventure. But only with my husband, I don’t want to have think about other people, I wouldn’t enjoy it otherwise…to keep worrying about what the others want to do or having to keep talking about arrangements so it’s inclusive for everyone. It would just take away the fun of it for me.

I couldn’t bear to go to bottomless brunch or a spa. I couldn’t really muster up the energy to go to coffee or lunch really. They just don’t interest me. I don’t think that makes me a bad person. I’ve come to an age where I’ve worked out what I like and what I don’t and it’s ok to enjoy my husband, my adult kids, my grandkids and my hobbies.

i used to have so so much social anxiety. I used to attend things that I’d literally would worry about weeks before. But I went because it was the done thing to do. I’ve found it so freeing now I’ve had the confidence to say no. And believe me it’s taken me years of practice to say no. I used to waffle along, cringing inwardly trying to find something to come up with as to why I couldn’t go…and it took such confidence to be able to say “sorry I can’t do that, have a great time”. “I can’t come but you have an amazing time”. “I can’t give my time to that right now but I know you’ll have a brilliant night”. And it’s taken years of practice.

i must admit I enjoy weddings and christenings, but that’s normally a family related thing and I come from a fairly big family so it would be a chance to see everyone. I don’t enjoy parties as such but they’re few and far between. I’ve been to a couple of big birthday ones recently for family…tbh I enjoyed it more than I thought and was pleased after that I went.

i don’t think it makes you a bad person if you don’t want to go do these things. As long as you don’t let people down though, I do think that’s a different kettle of fish. If I say I’m going, I will go. I have a family member who accepts every invitation and never turns up, every time. She’s even made family change dates and times for her when setting up like a Christmas get together…and then never turns up anyway! It gives her a bad name and people are disappointed, I wouldn’t ever do that.

but sure we’re all adults, life too short to be doing things we don’t want to do