AIBU to not enjoy other people’s “events”?

[Saltedcaramelicecream]

I could be a completely miserable bitch so just throwing it out there to see if anyone else feels the same? 😂

I don’t look forward to or get excited about events listed below, I want to decline almost all of them. They feel like a chore.
I don’t like forced fun, cheesy music, inconvenient travel arrangements, meeting people’s extended families or friends.

Weddings
christenings
birthday celebrations e.g 30th, 60th etc,
hen dos
baby showers
any event that includes an arranged activity like bottomless brunch etc

I’ve been invited to a hen do and was given 4 dates to choose from and I’ve simply said I’m not coming, thanks!
Also I’ve been given 6 months notices for a 60th and I’m already thinking of declining.

If it makes it any better I’m very low key, I used to be a party animal but I don’t have any celebrations for myself.
I just love holidays, a quiet trip to the pub or a gig if I’m feeling wild. I’m late 30s.

I think it’s important to attend people’s events that you truly care for or love, I agree.

I was invited to a whole wedding and evening do a few years ago, I worked with the couple a few years previous and we had friends in common still. I haven’t spoke to them since, I kind of decided after that that some people invite you to fill out numbers and I really don’t need to accept anything like that again.

It depends on the person who is having the celebration - I have a very dear friend who I love to bits who really enjoys all out, footballer’s wives style celebrations which aren’t my scene at all, so I find anything she throws fairly hard work. Conversely I’ve been to some lovely weddings and birthdays of people I’m not as close to as they are more my ‘style’.
Don’t get me wrong, if someone I’d only known for 8 months invited me to a WAG style knees up I’d probably say no but the right people are worth the effort and potential discomfort

Awww I love this comment!!!!!!

I do think some of my reluctance is down to feeling like I can’t give my time to things and also don’t want to. I haven’t had an easy ride with my mental health for most of my life, which is now in a great place. I am very respectful of my wellbeing and I have to not tip the balance the wrong way.

You are so right about letting people down
once committed.

I love weddings and birthdays, hen does hit or miss depending on the people. I HATE a christening with a passion, I am not keen on babies and not religious so they are not my fave. Don't really like a baby shower either 🤣
Does anyone like baby showers?!

@Saltedcaramelicecream the only time my son's disability actually serves a purpose; I am not available for these occasions unless my son is invited too. No need to say that I rather be home with him🤫

I have a friend group who love a big, overcomplicated itinerary at meet ups and it leaves me cold. Like, get up for a spin class, then tickets to an exhibition, then a pre-planned tour of insta places.

Drives me batty that we never do the same thing for more than an hour at a time and can't just mooch or try somewhere spontaneously.

(My husband and I do this thing of "one drink per venue" on holiday, and we pick at random and all the funniest memories are of hidden gems or absolute dives.)

Tbh I think you’re either a social butterfly or you’re not. They’ll be loads of people who love their friends, it’s their whole life and everything they do is so exciting and such fun. Other people like me just find that draining. As I said in my previous post, it’s ok, whatever category you fall into.

i once read about the 5 coins theory. Everyone starts the day with 5 coins. Normally the extroverts amongst us, love their 5 coins, they can’t wait to use them. They use their five coins to make more coins. Every interaction, every conversation, every plan and social event buoys up their 5 coins. They feel fantastic.

people like me , let’s say more introverted, start their day with 5 coins. Every interaction, every conversation, every plan or social event uses one of their coins, they feel completely depleted by the end of the day. They’re poor and worn out.

me personally, my coins go down quite quickly. And I’m aware of that. The more the day or the event goes on, my coins are being spent. Whilst my husband who is the absolute opposite to me, is loving all his coins, it’s like putting them in a slot machine and he’s winning loads back 🤩🤣

luckily for me we like to spend our coins together. Mine don’t feel depleted by being with him or going out with him, and his are still buoyant because we’re out and about and still interacting.

life is how you look at it 🫶🫶

( if you’re interested in the coin theory, there are some if you google it…some talk about starting with 100 coins etc..it’s all the same theory and how people “spend “ their coins throughout the day)

Yes. Friendships require effort. And it’s about give and take.

I think many people have stopped trying (not saying this is you). They just want to stay at home. And prefer people to dogs 😂