No screen time and losing my sanity

[Dufflecoats]

Easter holidays with DS4 and DD(just)3. They are usually in preschool 5 days a week but my work is very flexible as it’s my own business so I can take the holidays off without any real problems.

Like most parents, I’ve tried to limit screen time but often felt guilty about how much they’ve had. My youngest has an obsession with a certain CBeebies show and asks for it repeatedly so I thought I’d try and completely break the habit by doing next to no screens over the holidays and ease them back in once they’re back (hoping to just allow some down time at the weekends but none during the week).

I don’t know what I was expecting but I thought after nearly 2 weeks they would have got used to the new routine and would play nicely and fairly independently in the afternoons if we’d been out all morning and I’d be able to do some housework and dinner prep and generally be able to feel smug at being a “good parent”.

Well, fuck me, this has not happened in the slightest and I have developed an eye twitch every time one of them shouts my name and I’m mentally screaming “FUCK OFF” anytime they want to tell me that the other isn’t sharing or if they can have a snack.

I’ve been forced to become an expert at origami boats and paper planes, I’ve trashed my own house by thinking things like magic sand or baking would be a fun activity to do if it’s raining. They’ve now shown a renewed interest in books which is great but they can’t read so I’m constantly harassed to read terrible books that are making me want to poke my eyeballs out. LEGO - fuck Lego, I’m constantly stepping on that shit and I’m being filled with rage each time it happens.

They also want to “help” tidy up which is equally rage inducing and creates more mess/arguments. It’s not like we don’t do enough exercise during the day - we do bikes, beach, zoo, farm, walks literally every day unless it’s chucking it down and we’d still probably do softplay but I still can’t get a handle on “down time” where they are calmly playing without the tv. I’m losing my sanity here and wondering if it’s actually even worth it.

I think you're describing the behaviour of more like a 6 and 7yr old, rather than 3 and 4yr old if I'm honest. There skills are limited at this age to play independently for long stretches. Yes, you'll get some random unicorn kids who can, but it's not common. If you want a no screen environment, then it will be constant parenting until they are a bit older. When they are more like 5-6 I think it's reasonable to say 'No, Mummy's busy.'

Do they usually play independently much? It's a learnt skill and takes time.

My 3 year old can play independently for 30 min but she probably is a unicorn and we have worked on this since she was weeks old.

I think you've been a bit ambitious with your expectations of their ability to play independently, and making the change over the holidays with a lot of time to fill was probably the harder way to make the change.

Tbh, I wouldn't worry about a moderate use of Cbeebies. Children's TV has been around a long time and the content on there is well produced and paced and developed with consideration to child development and education. It's very different to the close focus of tablets/ phones, random content of algorithms and being fed a constant string of high octane, poorly produced content.
There's times of the day when young children are tired and some intentional, calm CBeebies can do a lot to keep everyone a bit more sane.

It is good to have reduced screen time and do more physical activities with them though.

Cut yourself some slack and put the TV on for 45 mins in the afternoon. I absolutely agree that young children need a bit of downtime that TV - in small doses and with well chosen programming - doesn't harm them.

Excessive screentime is a problem when it creates a dopamine hit from eg the infinite scroll, or when it reduces time for reading, outdoor play, imaginative play. If you're doing plenty of those things, and it sounds like you are, some Cbeebies watched as a family, is ok.

My kids are 6 and 4; they play together well, can play independently, enjoy books, and enjoy playing outdoors. But sometimes they just need to chill for 30 minutes with some cartoons so we all don't murder each other.

I think limiting it is a good thing but it does have its place.

I keep wanting to do the same. My 3.5 year old watches too much TV. If im honest with myself i think it must bank up to 2-3 hrs per day. shameful, i know - I have tried too a few times but another poster is right - at this age , screen free will mean constant attention... what about all the housework, washing and drying clothes, cooking etc. it's so so hard to juggle all this. TV really makes it manageable. Single parent here but i do have lots of help from my parents

I thought by screen time the advice meant tablets, mobile phones etc not TV.
Children's TV has been around for years! I would put a programme or dvd on for them to watch and have a little break.

I don't think there is anything wrong with some TV - just decide on a time limit. I used to watch all the children's TV programmes in the 70s, no one actually cared about screen time then, it was just that there wasn't as much of it.
Everyone needs a break!

Have you tried gin?

Put some CBeebies on and breathe.

It's really hard when you have the whole day to fill - when I decided to decrease screen time I did it the other way around and we now have no TV mon-thurs during term time, as with nursery in the morning (and youngest having a morning nap) it means I only have half the day to fill

Seriously, just let them have their devices/screens. Just do it. Save your sanity.

I don't think there is anything wrong with children being on 'screens.'

RUNS >>>>>>>>>>>>. 🏃

Mine have a similar age gap although I think you have less than 2 years between yours. Do you let them " help" with house work ? Handing you rhe pegs as you put washing on the line ? Washing potatos in the sink while you prepare dinner? putting the peeled spuds into the pan for you ?pairing socks is a good job. Also I think they are more likely to leave you alone in tbe morning so I would try ro get your vital things done then. Head out in the afternoons, don't forget swimming as a great activity if it's raining.

Oh I hear you. I think it is mostly age and personality dependent.

My eldest didn’t leave me alone until she learnt to read, and I was tearing my hair out. She’s now 10 and I can barely get her head out of a book!

My younger DD is 7 and no sign of stopping the constant attention seeking! Can’t occupy herself and nags for screen time constantly. I often guiltily give in because I don’t want to be pestered constantly.

The upshot is that ideals are wonderful, but the mix of personalities and also life circumstances mean a bit of telly is better than Mum losing her mind.

I thought you meant you tube shorts or something

Stick cbeebies on and have a break

I mean maybe I just had a unicorn kid but DD would listen to audiobooks for extended time at that age (like hour plus) and would definitely play kinetic sand by herself for 30 mins plus. We would say it was “independent time” for an hour and parents were only available for one activity change. Snacks: available at a specific time not as demanded.

Yeah, most kids won’t do this.

Isn't this the issue that experts are talking about though, that devices and swiping screens are so addictive that ordinary imaginative play is boring in comparison?
We've created the problem ourselves. I think if they've never been exposed to devices they'll get excited over ordinary toys, like it used to be.

Welcome to parenting 1980s/1990s style!

Even back then , the dc would watch videos.

Ultimately, its about getting some balance. Personally, I wouldn't be all or nothing about anything to do with small children.

Don't make it any harder then ut has to be.

Give yourself a break! An hour of TV isn’t going to harm anyone! After a big morning out do you want to be full on doing something or do you like to have an hour just sat chilling?

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a bit of CBeebies. I thought the screen time argument was largely about tablets/ phones. I put mr tumbles on for my 2yo and it means I can cook her tea and clean the kitchen. There’s far worse things she could be watching!

I remember a day when my DC was 4, we had a fun packed day of art and craft and baking and reading and duplo and car garage and when we'd done all that it wasn't even lunchtime. I actually broke down in tears. CBeebies is not the end of the world. I started planning in a couple of hours of it in the afternoon to allow myself a break. It sounds like you are doing lots of stimulating and physical things with your DC, they are not just sitting there all day, so give yourself a break.

A word of warning - do not take advice from women whose children are now adults. They have a massive tendency to underplay/forget how hard they found it at the time, or to remember just one or two moments of ‘nice playing’ and assume it was the norm. There’s a reason no current parent of 3 year olds are up playing with magic sand and baking at 5am.

PS - baking is shit. Makes a mess, they fuck it up, then you feel obliged to let them eat all the sugary crap they’ve made and that makes you a bad parent as well 🤷‍♀️

And yep, this. My kids probably watch 2 hours of TV a day at the weekends but given they’re awake 13 hours, that means 85% of the time they’re playing in the garden, at the park, doing other stuff, tagging along for errands, at the beach. I think this is a completely reasonable split given I also need to clean the house, sort the laundry, walk the dog, deal with life admin, take a shower and do a bit of self care, catch up with any phone calls etc.