No screen time and losing my sanity

[Dufflecoats]

Easter holidays with DS4 and DD(just)3. They are usually in preschool 5 days a week but my work is very flexible as it’s my own business so I can take the holidays off without any real problems.

Like most parents, I’ve tried to limit screen time but often felt guilty about how much they’ve had. My youngest has an obsession with a certain CBeebies show and asks for it repeatedly so I thought I’d try and completely break the habit by doing next to no screens over the holidays and ease them back in once they’re back (hoping to just allow some down time at the weekends but none during the week).

I don’t know what I was expecting but I thought after nearly 2 weeks they would have got used to the new routine and would play nicely and fairly independently in the afternoons if we’d been out all morning and I’d be able to do some housework and dinner prep and generally be able to feel smug at being a “good parent”.

Well, fuck me, this has not happened in the slightest and I have developed an eye twitch every time one of them shouts my name and I’m mentally screaming “FUCK OFF” anytime they want to tell me that the other isn’t sharing or if they can have a snack.

I’ve been forced to become an expert at origami boats and paper planes, I’ve trashed my own house by thinking things like magic sand or baking would be a fun activity to do if it’s raining. They’ve now shown a renewed interest in books which is great but they can’t read so I’m constantly harassed to read terrible books that are making me want to poke my eyeballs out. LEGO - fuck Lego, I’m constantly stepping on that shit and I’m being filled with rage each time it happens.

They also want to “help” tidy up which is equally rage inducing and creates more mess/arguments. It’s not like we don’t do enough exercise during the day - we do bikes, beach, zoo, farm, walks literally every day unless it’s chucking it down and we’d still probably do softplay but I still can’t get a handle on “down time” where they are calmly playing without the tv. I’m losing my sanity here and wondering if it’s actually even worth it.

Kids that age need constant interaction. I, personally, cannot do it.

Tell them that TV is only permitted for 1 hour per day, at a set time. Plan so you can use that time to get stuff done.

I agree, I hated baking with my kids! Did it once.

My kids are older yes, but I had Cbeebies on.

I think the advice about screentime is more about phones and tablets.

Go hard on teaching them to read, and then you'll be able to give them the books and get some peace. The effort is worth the payoff, big time.

If you want a screen-free childhood for them, I think you need a much more 70s/80s kind of parenting style overall. Much more "mummy's busy, go and play", "I know, rain, how boring, find a book". And, in a year or two, "If you're bored I can find you some chores". I'm convinced that a certain level of boredom in childhood was good for us in the 40+ bracket, and made us use our heads and read and invent games and all the rest. It's a totally valid choice and will make them more self-reliant as well as making your own life a lot easier. The key is to let go of the guilt, which obviously many find difficult.

This was what life was like every damn day in the 1980s when I was bringing mine up. We had no screens.

Oh, don't be silly, they are too young for gin.
😁

I’m pretty sure TV existed in the 1980s

Do you have a garden? Just go outside with them

Yes, it’s overwhelming, but yes, it’s an amazing thing to do. Hold your nerve, be proud of yourself, try and stay calm and then, when the holidays are over (which they will be) you’ll have achieved something good. Maybe you’ll even miss them!

I agree with no screens meaning phones or tablets etc but I really wouldn't worry about cbeebies for an hour or so

They are 3 and 4. If they wete home with you all the time you may have taught them tje skills needed but they would still require a lot of support. But they are used tobeing in nursery with a structure and adults focused only on them and you have thrown in a big change. If you want to reduce screens then do away with them before and afyer nursery or in the weekends when you have two adults.

They are at nursery. I noticed with my own kids they were less able to play alone than kids at home with a parent. They simply get used to being in a child focussed environment.

Mine is in nursery 4 days a week, it definitely can be done still. But it's easiest if you start young and very slowly increase the time. I think it's also easier if you basically never use screens so neither you nor kiddo know what that's like as an option.

Well done OP, it honestly sounds like you've given them a brilliant Easter holiday and you should feel proud of yourself.

I think expecting them to magically learn to play independently at these ages (especially a just 3yo) was a touch optimistic. But at least they're back to pre school next week!

So we rarely use tv- and I was brought up without one
My DC has been able to entertain herself for an hour since 3 and for 30 minutes or so before that
We used to use a specific audiobook for independent play- and as it has the same start and end she recognised the fact that it had a definitive start and end (my mum did the same when I was little but it was the afternoon play on radio 4).
During that time we will have a rest
As we have tiled kitchen floor we would give her a cloth, spray bottle with water and if we needed to do cleaning she cleaned the fronts of low cupboards
If we needed to sweep we have her a dustpan and got her involved..... We also had a tufftray set up with toys and we would add cornflakes/any cereal/lentils etc so again she played in the same room....

When mine were little I’d often put on Barney so I could get something done, it didn’t harm them, I think the problem is more iPads and phones.

You do know there's no prize for having a 3 year old who doesn't watch cbeebies? Just put it in the telly and have a cuppa.

Agree with the ‘put on the tv’ comments. Nothing wrong with a bit of screen time. I’m not sure if you know ‘Red Fish Blue Fish’ on Netflix but my 3 year old really took to this. Episodes are around 20 to 30 minutes. A bit of this, mixed with activities, parks, shopping and playing with toys adds to the mix and is a nice break in the day.

I was an 80s/90s kid and my parents didn’t really monitor tv the way it’s done today but we just always seemed to look forward to cartoons. I don’t think it has caused damage to my siblings or myself. I don’t hoard a secret dislike for my parents because they let me watch a bit of Duck Tales and whatever else.

As frustrating as it is for you OP your post made me smile. They are only 3yr and 4yr so of course they’re not going to play quietly in a corner just yet and will want your input. What you describe is how childhood used to be before screens took over but it will no doubt be much better for them to play like this and have a range of activities. My DC grew up in the early 2000s like this before iPads became a thing though they did watch some CBeebies. Let them help tidy up it this is good, it will foster good habits as they grow up. Although it’s hard work it will undoubtedly be better for them to play more like this but you could schedule an hour of tv each day to give yourself a break.

Well as a 2000s parent of older children, (and yes we are worthy of opinion as it only feels like yesterday when we ourselves had small dc so not all of us have forgotten), I remember very clearly how mundane and long the days seemed to feel. CBeebies was my lifeline - I think we’d do an hour in the morning, while I got dressed, an hour after lunch, or whenever we got in from somewhere, and then another stint in the evening. They’d have a bit of Bedtime Hour and then we’d go up for baths, pyjamas and reading etc.

I think it’s great that you aren’t sticking them in front of iPads and are doing your best for them, op. But do cut yourself some slack and let them watch a bit of TV when you need a break. I’m sure dd2 once watched The Magic Roandabout film on repeat all afternoon one rainy day. Both kids have grown up feeling grateful that their lives weren’t dominated by screens, and they remember CBeebies really fondly as a small part of a happy childhood.

I think abit of tv is fine. It’s not a new thing either. I was born in the 80s and used to watch TV from being small. Abit of Sooty and Rainbow didn’t cause me any lasting damage

The growing evidence suggests otherwise.

Audiobooks are a life saver. But even then I think assuming independent play with a 3 year old that lasts more than 10 mins is optimistic and definitely won't be on any kind of demand basis.

Sure it can but it is harder. A child used to screems at home and nursery is going to need a lot of support. It will take more than 2 weeks as 5 minutes might be all they can manage at first.

@Dufflecoats do you have a Yoto? I have found that's helps screen free independent play (DD will listen to it while pottering about doing crafts).

Tbh though I don't think I could cope with zero screen time, even with the Yoto 😬 We do no screens in the morning. We're usually out in the early afternoon and when we get back we're all knackered and the TV goes on while we all get a break!

If you can stick to broadcast TV (e.g. cbeebies channel) I really don't think it's too bad.

Someone said it’s parenting 80s/90s style but most parents didn’t WFH… The fact you’re doing this whilst trying to work is the insane thing, I have no idea why you opted to start it during the holidays as well!