No screen time and losing my sanity

[Dufflecoats]

Easter holidays with DS4 and DD(just)3. They are usually in preschool 5 days a week but my work is very flexible as it’s my own business so I can take the holidays off without any real problems.

Like most parents, I’ve tried to limit screen time but often felt guilty about how much they’ve had. My youngest has an obsession with a certain CBeebies show and asks for it repeatedly so I thought I’d try and completely break the habit by doing next to no screens over the holidays and ease them back in once they’re back (hoping to just allow some down time at the weekends but none during the week).

I don’t know what I was expecting but I thought after nearly 2 weeks they would have got used to the new routine and would play nicely and fairly independently in the afternoons if we’d been out all morning and I’d be able to do some housework and dinner prep and generally be able to feel smug at being a “good parent”.

Well, fuck me, this has not happened in the slightest and I have developed an eye twitch every time one of them shouts my name and I’m mentally screaming “FUCK OFF” anytime they want to tell me that the other isn’t sharing or if they can have a snack.

I’ve been forced to become an expert at origami boats and paper planes, I’ve trashed my own house by thinking things like magic sand or baking would be a fun activity to do if it’s raining. They’ve now shown a renewed interest in books which is great but they can’t read so I’m constantly harassed to read terrible books that are making me want to poke my eyeballs out. LEGO - fuck Lego, I’m constantly stepping on that shit and I’m being filled with rage each time it happens.

They also want to “help” tidy up which is equally rage inducing and creates more mess/arguments. It’s not like we don’t do enough exercise during the day - we do bikes, beach, zoo, farm, walks literally every day unless it’s chucking it down and we’d still probably do softplay but I still can’t get a handle on “down time” where they are calmly playing without the tv. I’m losing my sanity here and wondering if it’s actually even worth it.

My parents did WFH in the 80s/90s and we didn't have huge screen time. We did however just wander around the local countryside on our own. I'd be 6 miles away playing hill forts at age 4 with my sibling (8) and my parents would have no clue where we were. We would choose to cycle to a local landmark without telling anyone where we were going. Or we would just choose to go swimming in the river with no supervision. I'd never let my DC do those things now! It's a very different time.

It is personality dependent but I have to say I think you will be doing them and yourselves a huge favour with limiting or banning it! I regret SO MUCH how much screen reliance my kids built over the years

My son is an active outdoor kid - he always struggled more in the house but was easier to occupy when he had a ball/ in the park.

My daughter - loves playing on her own and has always been that unicorn kid!

Keep goign op! I know everyone just says cave and give in - but - within a couple of years they might be keen readers

think how few children now are actaully into reading

when I was a child - from about 6 onwards I could literally read for HOURS each day.

that is what modern kids are missing..not 'play' but a lot of reading.

I think your expectations were unrealistic. It is very rare for 3-4 year olds to be able to entertain themselves all afternoon without screens.

I totally understand being fed up of it, but at that age they do need more input. You might be able to set up an activity which they then play with on their own for a short period of time. But they are going to want your attention

I think it's also more personality driven than parenting driven. My kids are very different and my 9 year old still struggles to entertain himself whereas the other one has been able to entertain himself since he was 4ish.

I think your plan going forward of no screens on nursery days is a good one. I tried that with mine and it worked really well.

No screens on the days when you are not having to entertain them all day, then guilt free if they have over the 'reccomended hour' on the other days. I found doing that, my little one actually got out of the habit of having cartoons every day and now only asks once or twice a week.

The parenting is intense though! We spend as much time outside as we can - for my sanity not there's!

My teen DS was reminiscing today about coming home from ‘outings’ in the morning and watching Thomas the Tank while his younger brother took a nap. The baby got to nap, the toddler got his TV fix and I got a cup of hot tea. Everyone won. Then he would play out the whole episode with his toy engines.

Oh and the reading thing. While back now but we had these incredible Disney story books with a CD. They pinged to tell the child to turn the page. 15 mins of independent reading for a child not yet able to read - and they were familiar because the story was a Disney movie. Lifesaver.

I instilled a screen free mid week once. It didn't last long, trying to cook and juggle baby and 3yo

Now you know why women didn't used to work once they had kids! It's a full time job at home. They can't (not won't) play independently.

Children of that age shouldn’t watch screens (including the big TV) so well done for cutting out. They won’t play independent they are too little, you have to sit and play with them. Time out for mum / dad comes when they are older (or if they still nap, when they are napping). Presumably they go to bed early so that’s when you get your break.

No TV?!
That's too strict for me...I had the TV on a lot when mine were little. For me to watch too, it was company for me during the long days.

You're having to actually parent your children in the absence of a screen doing it! It is hard to be a good, engaged parent.

Periods of independent play are possible at this age, but you'll need longer than two weeks and you'll need to start with very short periods of time (10/20 minutes). They'll build up their ability to entertain themselves with practise and partly just as they get older.

It can be beneficial to have activities that are reserved for 'quiet time'. Things like sticker books, some new/exciting Lego, some toys they haven't seen for a while/new toys...just things that are high value. These should come out at quiet time, be taken to their rooms to play with and packed away at the end of quiet time. I would aim for quiet time of 15 minutes every day to start and then push this to 20 minutes after a few days/they can easily do 15 mins.

I was born in the 70s and I have fond memories of being able to watch the tv (when kids tv was on). I also managed to be creative, play on my own, be outside all day.

It was rubbish. 4 channels and nothing but garbage on.....much like today really 😅half the day only the test card was on. Computers if you were lucky enough to have one was a basic back and forth tennis thing. Thats it.

I think a lot of people had videos though.

I definitely had My Little Pony and Care Bears, as well as some recorded from TV.

I agree , put the blooming TV on fgs .

I think you had wildly unrealistic expectations of children that age. There’s nothing wrong with limited screen use. My toddler is awake 14 hours a day, I can’t see any issue with 30-40 mins of Julia Donaldson shows

We limited screen time to one film a week on a Sunday afternoon. Albeit we only had one child so no squabbling.

My experience is that if you expect them to act like kids i.e. have no attention span, youll have an easier time because you can plan on them getting distracted.

For example, as soon as you start a joint activity like baking, they will bugger off and find something else to do, so get them involved in making the family meal.so at least it's not an extra job. Get a box of old toys out from the rotation and put them down "to sort" and then nip to the loo for a sanity break. Usually they will get stuck into playing.

I also made a rough schedule. Arts and crafts, reading, drawing, PE (Park), walk to town for a random item. Don't forget, if you ask them to go and put their shoes on, they will wander off and faff so that extra time filled.

It's also useful to walk into town and let them choose a cheap charity shop item to buy.

But yeah, I clearly remember the constantly being needed stage. I'd pop to the loo and tiny shadow feet would appear st the door 🤣

I'd think it should be the other way around - tablets are actively engaging and can watch in any orientation/place you like (my youngest was regularly found bridging between the kitchen table and the chest freezer, or upside down over the back of the settee, TV you sit like a potato and watch what's on. Passive.

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It is definitely better to limit screen time, but sometimes you have to give yourself a break too. I'm also a single parent (pre-school dc) but when I'm running late for work, I do have to put on Mr Tumble or something for 15 minutes in the morning to get ready etc. Or 30 minutes if I need to send off a few emails. I find it easier to avoid screen time on the weekend, though my house is a bit of a tip sometimes.

I do have to say though, that when I've had stretches of no screen time, my kid definitely learns to entertain themselves eventually over a few days. The minute I bring back screens, they start demanding it again and forget how to play alone. I wish I didn't have to use it at all.

Edited to add that on weekends, if I start my toddler on an activity e g. Sticker books, puzzles etc, I usually get 30 minutes of independent play. They are quite little to choose a toy and begin playing alone though some do.