AIBU to feel slightly uneasy that my DS didn’t go to University?

[CotswoldConundrum]

He’s 21 working in IT, earning just over £30k and has been with the same company since starting as an apprentice at 17, so on paper he’s doing very well and I am proud of him.

I think it’s more that I wonder whether he’s missed out on the wider experience and keeping options open, rather than anything academic. He seems perfectly happy, so I’m conscious this may just be my own bias, as I went to University and so did his Dad (Not my DH now)

AIBU to feel like this or should I just take it as a win and leave it be?

I have the opposite uneasy feeling about my son going and wasting the years tbh. No route is easy now.

Take it as a win. University isn't for everyone and its not compulsory to go!

He's happy.

What more do you need?

For what its worth, his career sounds like it's in a better place than I was 4 years into work, and that was with a compute science degree under my belt.

I think part of it is probably my own experience colouring things as well.

He’s already talking about eventually moving on from where he is, which is great, but I do wonder whether only having experience (and a few bits alongside it) might make that harder longer term.

That said, I’m very aware things may be quite different now, particularly in IT, so I may be overthinking it.

He's happy and he's in a well paid job. What's to feel uneasy about?

He's 21, not 81. There are plenty of opportunities to go to uni later in life if that's what he decides to do. He hasn't missed out on anything.

One of my Dc went to Uni, got a great degree that enabled their current exciting (and v good for the future of our world) but low paid job. At 24 they earn 26k and have a huge Student Loan debt.

I am v proud of my Dc.

In your shoes I would also be elated!

Definitely overthinking it from an IT perspective. Experience jumps out at me far more than a degree when I'm looking at CVs, generally we want to see that they can actually build something, that they know how to work as part of a team in that sort of environment, rather than being worried about what they learnt in uni.

University is great for the right person, on the right course. It is not 'better' for everyone.

Hes only 21, if he wants to, he can still get a degree.

My dd went to uni. She is very quiet and didn't make any friends and absolutely hated it.
We hadn't realised that the course she did would need a masters to get a job. She ended up getting an admin job and has moved on to a better job.
She says she really regretted going as she gained nothing from it except debt.

OP - he's 21!

He has so much time to try different paths etc.

You are overthinking it and being daft.

both my DC didn’t go to uni. They are both in successful roles. One earning 50k+ and one in the middle
of a trades apprenticeship

IT isn't one mass.

Some areas of IT work with more abstract concepts and computer science education is relevant there. Many areas are fine with experience and possibly professional certificates along the path.

I’d rather my son didn’t go to uni. A trade would be far better

Not everyone needs the "uni experience " whatever that? Your son is doing well living a life he wants good for him.

I had 1 at uni 1 went to college both stayed at home both doing well,

I went but got very little out of the experience. Thankfully no fees in those days

I’m finding the responses quite interesting actually, as I wasn’t sure how typical that salary is at his age.

Is £30k at 21 considered fairly standard now, or still on the higher side? I think that’s partly why I’m not sure whether I’m under or overestimating where he is.

It depends where in the country he is obviously. But outside of London and the south east I'd say he's doing quite well for himself.

Going to Uni isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Personally I think too many go now as it’s considered the ‘done thing’ as opposed to the ‘right thing’.

If he’s got an apprenticeship, which are gold
dust, he’ll looked on far more favourably by employers later on life than if he’d had 3 years of partying with no applicable skills on graduation .
Also I am an adjudicator for a Chartered professional qualification. You need to have a degree - OR - 10 years demonstrable experience, so a lack of a degree in his profession will not hold him back from becoming esteemed in his profession.

I think you should be very very proud!

(And I have a Hons, Masters and post-grad degree).

I think so many people go to uni “for the experience” but get very little out of it in terms of a career. I know lots of people working minimum wage jobs for years after graduating uni, because they did some obscure or “fun” course that have few jobs available.
If he’s got a good job and a good wage for a 21yo, presumably with a lot of potential career progression, be very proud of him and happy that he’s doing well and not wasted those years.

I’m a strong believer that everyone should educate themselves to their maximum ability. The world id getting ever more complicated so the more education you have , the better your outcomes are likely to. W (I’m talking way beyond career here). So if he were my son, I would hope that he does go to university one day. However, he has done very well and I would still be very proud of him. YANBU .

He's doing really well. Did he get a qualification with his apprenticeship? It's not too late for him to go to university if that's what he wants to do or study for a degree via e.g. Open University if he needs that qualification for promotion opportunities.

One of my Dc ended up doing a modern apprenticeship as an adult as a career change they have been qualified 2 years and are earning well.

I work in tech and I prefer apprenticeship candidates over grads any day of the week. Attitude, a propensity to get on with stuff, willingness to learn and being able to get along with others are key skills. Plus he’s not starting his adult life with shit loads of debt (for a degree that is outdated as soon as it’s granted)