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Original poster

Am I going crazy? I feel so disrespected

87 replies

currentlyinvenice · 17/04/2026 01:23

I have been in a long distance relationship for 18 months. He’s in UAE and I’m in England. The last 18 months haven’t been great, it’s been a nightmare tbh partly because of the distance and partly that he is incredibly thoughtless. He travels every two weeks to visit me either in my city or we will meet in a city we both want to visit in Europe for a few days (2/3 days). He does all the travel. I love him and when we are together it’s good, we have fun, we have a lot in common and I feel a great connection. I do feel he is my person BUT… I find his behaviour so disrespectful

He’s not thoughtful, he didn’t give me a gift for Valentine’s Day, nothing for Christmas two years in a row. Not a single thing for either me or my children. He makes no effort to make sure we have a nice time when together, makes no plans and it’s always left to me to plan things for us to do. I once went to visit him in his country and he made zero effort to make sure I had a nice time. There have been so many issues and I have been unhappy the majority of this last 18 months, a lot of these issues are distance related but also I just feel he doesn’t make the effort he should (other than the massive amount of travel to come visit me)

I said right at the start I didn’t want long distance, he said he would get a job that allowed him to work remote and would split his time between UAE and UK. I have been waiting 18 months for this. Now he says he is coming in July splitting his time 50/50 between Uk and back with his kids.

Now the main problem, when he’s been particularly thoughtless and we argue or when he makes me feel disrespected I block him to regain control of the situation. Our relationship has been very up and down.

Every-time I block him and accept the relationship is over and that it doesn’t work he then harasses me with hundreds of calls from withheld number, emails proclaiming his love and how sorry her is. I love him so it’s hard to ignore when I want it to work and he is promising change. Recently I ignored hundreds of withheld calls and emails a day for nearly 3 months but relented in the end and wanted to try again.

His behaviour has improved, he makes closer to a reasonable amount of effort now but it’s been a struggle to get here. He has two children, I have two children. Now what’s become a huge issue is that he has actively kept me a secret from his children for the last 18 months whilst spending time getting to know mine. I feel so hurt and disrespected that he keeps me secret from his children, sneaking away to call them when he is with me and not calling me when he is with them.

He knows how much this hurts me that he doesn’t want me involved with his kids. He says that it’s because the relationship has been so up and down but all of the ups and downs have been because of his actions.

I have blocked him again. I don’t see why I should step in and play the loving step mother role when he decides after keeping me hidden like a dirty secret for 18 months. He doesn’t seem bothered that he is planning to come live in my house with my children yet his don’t even know I exist.

Now I wait for the harassment to begin again… am I going crazy?

I have been to his home, he calls me all the time when he’s at home. I have heard him on calls about his divorce. I really don’t think he is married.

I’m great with kids and very kind, it’s so hurtful that he wants to keep this side of his life a secret from me whilst saying he wants to marry me, asking me to have a baby with him and planning to move here to live with me and my children.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 17/04/2026 01:30

Read that back and ask yourself why on earth anyone would put up with it.

And get a new number. He's a stalker as well as a twat. Hundreds of calls FFS.

Rainpigeon · 17/04/2026 01:33

He sounds awful! What exactly do you like about him? The nest thing I read was you blocking him! Do it, and stick to it! It doesn't bode well I'my opinion that your 18 months into a relationship and feel harassed. He's not going toa make you happy and please think of your Children, they need you and he sounds like an unstable influence.

OwlBeThere · 17/04/2026 01:36

i don’t know how to put this any other way, so I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but what the fuck are you doing? This is not love this is codependent craziness.

JMSA · 17/04/2026 01:42

Sorry, but you are enabling this madness completely.
You do realise he’s not the only man in the world?!

Onautopilot · 17/04/2026 01:44

Sorry, OP, I am going to be brutal. If you were my daughter even contemplating this man as a suitable husband and father I would tell her the same.

Firstly, get a new phone number and only email him if you really want to. He is stalking/harrassing you.
Secondly, my thought as soon as you said his kids don't know you exist...you are his dirty little secret from his wife! If he's not married, he probably has a local girlfriend the kids know and would blab to.
Thirdly, do not have a baby with him; there lies all sorts of misery ahead. Nochild needs to be brought into this, nor you tied to him forever.
Fourthly, you don't know your 'place' ; to be there when and where he wants, no questions, once you have done all the organising.
And lastly, he wants a house/roof over his head/ domestic servant/ sex on tap he doesn't have to pay for.

Block, block block!

Onautopilot · 17/04/2026 01:46

Should add only email him to give a definite "it's over, don't contact me again' message.

Original poster
currentlyinvenice · 17/04/2026 01:48

I had a really shitty childhood, have some real attachment issues from it and have had a shitty time of dating before meeting him. I genuinely fear I don’t have it in me to ignore him.

I use this number for work and same with the email address.

Does anyone know of some resources to break this toxic cycle and some kind of codependency?

OP posts:
Besidemyselfwithworry · 17/04/2026 01:50

Never mind all that - just get rid!

sittingonabeach · 17/04/2026 01:56

The Freedom Programme gets recommended on here quite a lot

HellsBells13 · 17/04/2026 01:56

I am LDR. Think UK Japan and a national too. We have cultural differences. He is my safe space, I said to him tonight, he woke super early ahead of a 16 hour day too. I said he is my love, my life's future and my safe harbour. We love each other to death. Should LDR be hard as you describe? If not, set him free. You deserve better.

Roastwithallthetrimmings · 17/04/2026 02:03

At least he is keeping his children out of this shitshow of a relationship whereas you seem to be embrolling yours in it.

Isn’t it confusing for them to see him coming and going when you block him for months at a time?

You really aren’t setting them a good example of how a healthy relationship should be

CookingFatCat · 17/04/2026 02:13

This is never going to happen, you must know that?
His kids don’t know you exist. Presumably they live in UAE too? Why would you want to be with a man who’ll just leave his kids to live with another woman and her kids? He won’t will he🤷‍♀️

It’s all bonkers. Likely he’s married and you’re both addicted to the Adrenaline rush this craziness gives you. And the sex I’m betting.
Ultimately, you’re unhappy. He can’t meet your needs.
Block. Get a new number. It’s a bloody fantasy.

FullMetalCapacity · 17/04/2026 02:14

I had a really shitty childhood, have some real attachment issues from it and have had a shitty time of dating before meeting him. I genuinely fear I don’t have it in me to ignore him.

You absolutely do.
I can't believe what you've been putting up with.

None of his behaviour comes even close to anything anyone should be even thinking about accepting in a relationship. It's not love or even like.

I don't have practical advice about blocking withheld numbers but it must be possible?

pollyglot · 17/04/2026 02:44

If you were my daughter, I'd give you a good talking to, and a long warm hug. You deserve better than this utter bastard. Don't sell yourself short. Here's the {{hug}} anyway. x

Shitmonger · 17/04/2026 02:48

currentlyinvenice · 17/04/2026 01:48

I had a really shitty childhood, have some real attachment issues from it and have had a shitty time of dating before meeting him. I genuinely fear I don’t have it in me to ignore him.

I use this number for work and same with the email address.

Does anyone know of some resources to break this toxic cycle and some kind of codependency?

Therapy. Immediately.

This isn’t a relationship, this is you being a side piece to a man that most likely targets Western women for this very reason. It is shockingly common for them to do this.

Don’t date again until you’ve had therapy to deal with all of this, and after that don’t date men from UAE. They’ll see you coming from a mile away.

Riapia · 17/04/2026 03:00

What the hell is it that he has that you are unable to resist?

moderate · 17/04/2026 03:50

currentlyinvenice · 17/04/2026 01:23

I have been in a long distance relationship for 18 months. He’s in UAE and I’m in England. The last 18 months haven’t been great, it’s been a nightmare tbh partly because of the distance and partly that he is incredibly thoughtless. He travels every two weeks to visit me either in my city or we will meet in a city we both want to visit in Europe for a few days (2/3 days). He does all the travel. I love him and when we are together it’s good, we have fun, we have a lot in common and I feel a great connection. I do feel he is my person BUT… I find his behaviour so disrespectful

He’s not thoughtful, he didn’t give me a gift for Valentine’s Day, nothing for Christmas two years in a row. Not a single thing for either me or my children. He makes no effort to make sure we have a nice time when together, makes no plans and it’s always left to me to plan things for us to do. I once went to visit him in his country and he made zero effort to make sure I had a nice time. There have been so many issues and I have been unhappy the majority of this last 18 months, a lot of these issues are distance related but also I just feel he doesn’t make the effort he should (other than the massive amount of travel to come visit me)

I said right at the start I didn’t want long distance, he said he would get a job that allowed him to work remote and would split his time between UAE and UK. I have been waiting 18 months for this. Now he says he is coming in July splitting his time 50/50 between Uk and back with his kids.

Now the main problem, when he’s been particularly thoughtless and we argue or when he makes me feel disrespected I block him to regain control of the situation. Our relationship has been very up and down.

Every-time I block him and accept the relationship is over and that it doesn’t work he then harasses me with hundreds of calls from withheld number, emails proclaiming his love and how sorry her is. I love him so it’s hard to ignore when I want it to work and he is promising change. Recently I ignored hundreds of withheld calls and emails a day for nearly 3 months but relented in the end and wanted to try again.

His behaviour has improved, he makes closer to a reasonable amount of effort now but it’s been a struggle to get here. He has two children, I have two children. Now what’s become a huge issue is that he has actively kept me a secret from his children for the last 18 months whilst spending time getting to know mine. I feel so hurt and disrespected that he keeps me secret from his children, sneaking away to call them when he is with me and not calling me when he is with them.

He knows how much this hurts me that he doesn’t want me involved with his kids. He says that it’s because the relationship has been so up and down but all of the ups and downs have been because of his actions.

I have blocked him again. I don’t see why I should step in and play the loving step mother role when he decides after keeping me hidden like a dirty secret for 18 months. He doesn’t seem bothered that he is planning to come live in my house with my children yet his don’t even know I exist.

Now I wait for the harassment to begin again… am I going crazy?

I have been to his home, he calls me all the time when he’s at home. I have heard him on calls about his divorce. I really don’t think he is married.

I’m great with kids and very kind, it’s so hurtful that he wants to keep this side of his life a secret from me whilst saying he wants to marry me, asking me to have a baby with him and planning to move here to live with me and my children.

“I’ve been in a relationship for 18 months. The last 18 months haven’t been great.”

Can you hear yourself?

Itsanewlife · 17/04/2026 03:55

He sounds awful, you sound immature (and needy) and the relationship sounds toxic. Please get some professional help and do some work on yourself before getting into another relationship.

moderate · 17/04/2026 04:02

Also, given that he doesn't want his children to know about you, it's very likely that you are his bit on the side.

MauriceTheMussel · 17/04/2026 04:06

I got to the bit where you block him to regain control.

I mean, yeah, he’s a twat and emotionally unstable and you shouldn’t be dating him, but also, you can’t go through life blocking people for the above reason and expect a healthy dynamic with anyone.

Sprinng2026 · 17/04/2026 04:31

currentlyinvenice · 17/04/2026 01:48

I had a really shitty childhood, have some real attachment issues from it and have had a shitty time of dating before meeting him. I genuinely fear I don’t have it in me to ignore him.

I use this number for work and same with the email address.

Does anyone know of some resources to break this toxic cycle and some kind of codependency?

Op, you need to get a new phone and email. Otherwise this will never end.
He is treating you poorly. And is a bad example of a relationship for your kids. Be strong OP.

FantasyFoodhall · 17/04/2026 04:36

Please don’t give in OP. It sounds like the kind of thing you read when someone is being scammed! Not saying it’s that but honestly, what are you gaining?

Duvetdayneeded · 17/04/2026 04:39

This is a shit show of a relationship and block him for good. Dont give in to him as it’s a joke.

Bollixtothat · 17/04/2026 04:45

currentlyinvenice · 17/04/2026 01:48

I had a really shitty childhood, have some real attachment issues from it and have had a shitty time of dating before meeting him. I genuinely fear I don’t have it in me to ignore him.

I use this number for work and same with the email address.

Does anyone know of some resources to break this toxic cycle and some kind of codependency?

You are stronger than you realise. Change your number and forget about him. Would you really want a man who would leave his two children to set up home with another woman and her children ?
No relationship should be this difficult.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 17/04/2026 04:48

If he’s thoughtless & makes no effort then is this just based on sex? He must be incredibly rich or good looking because he’s not coming across as anyone most women would be interested in. Time to stop with the games of blocking and unblocking & move on. You must be exhausted!