I have been in a long distance relationship for 18 months. He’s in UAE and I’m in England. The last 18 months haven’t been great, it’s been a nightmare tbh partly because of the distance and partly that he is incredibly thoughtless. He travels every two weeks to visit me either in my city or we will meet in a city we both want to visit in Europe for a few days (2/3 days). He does all the travel. I love him and when we are together it’s good, we have fun, we have a lot in common and I feel a great connection. I do feel he is my person BUT… I find his behaviour so disrespectful
He’s not thoughtful, he didn’t give me a gift for Valentine’s Day, nothing for Christmas two years in a row. Not a single thing for either me or my children. He makes no effort to make sure we have a nice time when together, makes no plans and it’s always left to me to plan things for us to do. I once went to visit him in his country and he made zero effort to make sure I had a nice time. There have been so many issues and I have been unhappy the majority of this last 18 months, a lot of these issues are distance related but also I just feel he doesn’t make the effort he should (other than the massive amount of travel to come visit me)
I said right at the start I didn’t want long distance, he said he would get a job that allowed him to work remote and would split his time between UAE and UK. I have been waiting 18 months for this. Now he says he is coming in July splitting his time 50/50 between Uk and back with his kids.
Now the main problem, when he’s been particularly thoughtless and we argue or when he makes me feel disrespected I block him to regain control of the situation. Our relationship has been very up and down.
Every-time I block him and accept the relationship is over and that it doesn’t work he then harasses me with hundreds of calls from withheld number, emails proclaiming his love and how sorry her is. I love him so it’s hard to ignore when I want it to work and he is promising change. Recently I ignored hundreds of withheld calls and emails a day for nearly 3 months but relented in the end and wanted to try again.
His behaviour has improved, he makes closer to a reasonable amount of effort now but it’s been a struggle to get here. He has two children, I have two children. Now what’s become a huge issue is that he has actively kept me a secret from his children for the last 18 months whilst spending time getting to know mine. I feel so hurt and disrespected that he keeps me secret from his children, sneaking away to call them when he is with me and not calling me when he is with them.
He knows how much this hurts me that he doesn’t want me involved with his kids. He says that it’s because the relationship has been so up and down but all of the ups and downs have been because of his actions.
I have blocked him again. I don’t see why I should step in and play the loving step mother role when he decides after keeping me hidden like a dirty secret for 18 months. He doesn’t seem bothered that he is planning to come live in my house with my children yet his don’t even know I exist.
Now I wait for the harassment to begin again… am I going crazy?
I have been to his home, he calls me all the time when he’s at home. I have heard him on calls about his divorce. I really don’t think he is married.
I’m great with kids and very kind, it’s so hurtful that he wants to keep this side of his life a secret from me whilst saying he wants to marry me, asking me to have a baby with him and planning to move here to live with me and my children.