Am I going crazy? I feel so disrespected

[currentlyinvenice]

I have been in a long distance relationship for 18 months. He’s in UAE and I’m in England. The last 18 months haven’t been great, it’s been a nightmare tbh partly because of the distance and partly that he is incredibly thoughtless. He travels every two weeks to visit me either in my city or we will meet in a city we both want to visit in Europe for a few days (2/3 days). He does all the travel. I love him and when we are together it’s good, we have fun, we have a lot in common and I feel a great connection. I do feel he is my person BUT… I find his behaviour so disrespectful

He’s not thoughtful, he didn’t give me a gift for Valentine’s Day, nothing for Christmas two years in a row. Not a single thing for either me or my children. He makes no effort to make sure we have a nice time when together, makes no plans and it’s always left to me to plan things for us to do. I once went to visit him in his country and he made zero effort to make sure I had a nice time. There have been so many issues and I have been unhappy the majority of this last 18 months, a lot of these issues are distance related but also I just feel he doesn’t make the effort he should (other than the massive amount of travel to come visit me)

I said right at the start I didn’t want long distance, he said he would get a job that allowed him to work remote and would split his time between UAE and UK. I have been waiting 18 months for this. Now he says he is coming in July splitting his time 50/50 between Uk and back with his kids.

Now the main problem, when he’s been particularly thoughtless and we argue or when he makes me feel disrespected I block him to regain control of the situation. Our relationship has been very up and down.

Every-time I block him and accept the relationship is over and that it doesn’t work he then harasses me with hundreds of calls from withheld number, emails proclaiming his love and how sorry her is. I love him so it’s hard to ignore when I want it to work and he is promising change. Recently I ignored hundreds of withheld calls and emails a day for nearly 3 months but relented in the end and wanted to try again.

His behaviour has improved, he makes closer to a reasonable amount of effort now but it’s been a struggle to get here. He has two children, I have two children. Now what’s become a huge issue is that he has actively kept me a secret from his children for the last 18 months whilst spending time getting to know mine. I feel so hurt and disrespected that he keeps me secret from his children, sneaking away to call them when he is with me and not calling me when he is with them.

He knows how much this hurts me that he doesn’t want me involved with his kids. He says that it’s because the relationship has been so up and down but all of the ups and downs have been because of his actions.

I have blocked him again. I don’t see why I should step in and play the loving step mother role when he decides after keeping me hidden like a dirty secret for 18 months. He doesn’t seem bothered that he is planning to come live in my house with my children yet his don’t even know I exist.

Now I wait for the harassment to begin again… am I going crazy?

I have been to his home, he calls me all the time when he’s at home. I have heard him on calls about his divorce. I really don’t think he is married.

I’m great with kids and very kind, it’s so hurtful that he wants to keep this side of his life a secret from me whilst saying he wants to marry me, asking me to have a baby with him and planning to move here to live with me and my children.

He doesn’t like you OP, I don’t know how else he can prove this to you.

He literally uses you for sex and his own entertainment because he’s bored.

He harasses you because he knows it works.
You also come across as enjoying the game playing and drama of it all.

He doesn’t want to be with you.
Don’t waste any more of your time on him.

Keep him blocked.
If he rings off a different phone number then end the call.

The best way to get over someone is by fancing someone else.
Just join a dating site and start talking to other men.
Once you start fancying someone else and they take up more space in your brain, then you’ll get over him much quicker.

You don’t need to jump into anything serious but just talking to someone else can help keep you busy/take your mind off him.

You may have had a shitty childhood, but you risk giving your children one to if you pursue dysfunctional relationships with absent/avoidant/abusive arseholes. A shitty childhood isn’t a lifelong excuse for your own continual bad decisions. And, in case you still haven’t realised it, you are still having a shitty time of dating. Block his number and email address on everything … and arrange some counselling.

Talk+ is available for free in some areas, but your GP practice/website should be able to signpost you to whatever is available on the NHS locally. You need to fix yourself before you can bring anything to a healthy, well balanced relationship.you need to prioritise the well-being of your children and to do that you need to sort yourself out emotionally and psychologically.

It's sad to see that after all that you have described, you still call him 'your person'. None of his actions support that. It seems that both of you are in a toxic relationship cycle. He gives you fake promises that you accept. And you keep blocking him for months at a time, rather than maturely cutting the cord. I can kinda see why he hasn't told his children about you because the relationship is so unstable. The distance doesn't help either. Is it your long-term plan to continue living separately? Might be best to break up and focus on yourself, before another relationship.

What a hot mess.

He keeps you like a dirty little secret and disrespects you. The only time he "fights" for you is when you dump him and he gets all excited by the challenge.

Thank goodness you don't live with him yet. Dump him finally before that happens.

Do the Freedom Programme. This cycle is only continuing because of your choices so the sooner you get support with that, the better.

Very silly on your part OP. Your children are the ones I feel sorry for in this shit show.
If you can't keep him blocked for yourself keep him blocked for your children.
I want to ask, and it is blunt so apologies - are you an average looking middle aged woman and is a a very handsome younger man claiming to have money? You need to watch some documentaries about women that have been taken for a complete ride by men like this, often losing multiple thousands of pounds along the way.

Won’t let me reply directly to the comments but no I’m not average looking of middle aged. Before I met this disastrous relationship I joined tinder to see what was out there and had 9,999+ was what it said in likes within 24 hours, only using that as an example of not thinking I’m good looking by my own standards. I’m mid 30’s and attractive, also successful in my own right.

Hes 20 years older than me and is attractive (less for being older) and successful.

I need to get out of this, going to try freedom programme

I'm sorry you're struggling through this.

But you need to end it, once and for all.

Block him, get some therapy and don't unblock him. Ever. He sounds unhinged and potentially dangerous.

BTW how is it that he pays for all travel and comes to meet you, yet you've been to his house? That bit doesn't make any sense.

I agree ☝🏻
get a grip for goodness sake !
Why on earth are you with this man ?

I couldn’t respect a man planning to spend 50% of his time halfway across the world away from his own kids to live with his girlfriend and her kids. What a shitty thing to do to his own kids.