AIBU to plan a big party for a 69th?

[Mementodishwasher]

I would love to throw my mum a big party at some point because she loves socialising and dancing. I am painfully aware that she won't be around forever and I worry about the prospect of waiting for a big birthday and then her not making it. She is only 68 but we've had a few deaths in the family so maybe I'm overly worried about this.

This year she turns 69 and I'm in the position where I have the time and money to plan a party.

AIBU is: is it weird to throw a big, e.g surprise party with DJ etc, for not a "big" birthday? People would probably assume it was her 70th - would you be embarrassed/offended if you were in her position? Or bemused/ unenthusiastic about travelling a long way to attend a 69th (not that i would advertise her age as she doesn't openly discuss it)?

YABU - too weird, wait til 70
YANBU - throw a 69th

Thanks!

Well you have a very obvious theme!! 😆

go for it. Can’t fathom asking mumsnet this kind of thing tbh

Wait until mum is 70, it's really not old nowadays.

When she asks why you’ve done it for her 69th will she be upset if you tell her the truth?

If you want to have a party, have one, but yea, I wouldn’t be surprised if people don’t put the store by it that they would a 70th. Also, and this is possibly a bit silly, I’d think a 69th party would be hinting towards some sort of weird gimmicky sexual joke 😂 just because it’s so unusual to have a big party for that particular age!

Maybe say its more of a surprise for a 69th than a 70th?

I'd think it was really odd. If I was invited I'd think that the person had a terminal illness and wouldn't be seeing their 70th.

Oh, I’ve just seen you wouldn’t tell people her age. They’ll all assume it’s her 70th then and her age will be a big topic of conversation at the party, arguably more than a standard 70th, as people will want to figure out how they’re a year out in their estimations. For someone not keen on discussing their age, this may not be a good thing!

No, her mum died young so sadly it's on both our minds. But to avoid being morbid I would say it's to make sure she's surprised

I've asked in order to anonymously get perspectives I couldn't get in real life. And varied responses so far so I'm glad I asked!

I don't bloody know, that's why I'm asking!

Do it, you're only 69 once!

I will be 69 this year and I would be horrified if my daughter thought I was old enough that I might not see my 70th! My dad died young and Ive always taken after him far more than my mum, but I really would be offended and angry if my daughter organised a surprise party for my birthday this year - aside from the reason behind the party you are considering, I would really really hate a big surprise party for any reason.

I’m in my mid-60s. (Still alive and able to post on MN - it’s a miracle!)

Firstly, I’d be offended if someone offered me a 69th birthday party on the basis that I won’t be around forever.

Secondly, anyone hearing 69th party will assume it’s some sort of sex party.

Thirdly - and perhaps most importantly - I would probably be looking forward to a big celebration for my 70th - and by pre-empting that, my interfering relative would make it very likely my friends wouldn’t come to another party of mine on the date I want.

In conclusion - I’m sorry about your recent bereavements but your resulting insecurity doesn’t give you the right to butt in and deprive your mother of the celebration she may be looking forward to next year.

Well I understand having a big party and making a fuss about an 18th birthday party because that's when someone becomes an adult.
But I don't understand all this " big birthday " nonsense that a lot of people seem to go in for. I don't see any particular reason as to why the 70th birthday is any more special than the 69th.

So if your mother actually likes parties and fuss then I don't see any reason why having this for her 69th is inappropriate but having it for her 70th is appropriate !

You could say it is a party because she is entering her seventieth year. And she will be more surprised at a party now than in a year (let’s be honest - people can get a little upset in the build up to a surprise party for a significant birthday as otherwise they think people haven’t bothered making plans to celebrate with them)

It’s lovely that you want to do something nice for your mum. However I think potential attendees (on finding she was only 69) would be concerned that she had some kind of serious or terminal illness no one was telling them about!

God no wait till next year. She’ll never fall for the ‘I wanted it to be a surprise’ thing.

@Mementodishwasher - if you and perhaps the rest of your family are feeling battered and fragile and in need of boosting, there’s nothing to stop you all getting together for any other reason.

Why not arrange a Summer Solstice party this year? You have two months to issue invitations and make arrangements. You can all raise a glass to the people you’ve recently lost - and celebrate each other.

Next year, take your mother out to a Michelin starred restaurant to celebrate her 69th birthday - or take her to a festival, since she likes music and dancing. And together you can start planning her 70th celebration.

Time, energy, resources are key and you are primed and ready, life is short as you say... go for it, how lovely.

Thanks so much for all the replies. Very helpful insight, although have obviously touched a nerve with some for being morbid - sorry! Taking into account @Iydrd 's point about the possible risks of a surprise party for a significant birthday, balanced with @NorWouldTilly 's point about taking away her celebration for her 70th, I think a good solution could be a surprise dancing party this year, and a big celebration of another type next year, e.g. trip away.
OR maybe the solution is some other dancing celebration this year and a surprise party next year

Oh gosh, yes - what @MissSookieStackhouse says, too!

Imagine your poor mother receiving loads of discreet enquiries on the state of her health.

And the terror you might instil in relatives who assume a premature celebration must mean another death is imminent.

Please don’t do this.

Why the fixation on a surprise? A large part of the fun is having input into the planning and organising; of enjoying the anticipation.