AIBU to plan a big party for a 69th?

[Mementodishwasher]

I would love to throw my mum a big party at some point because she loves socialising and dancing. I am painfully aware that she won't be around forever and I worry about the prospect of waiting for a big birthday and then her not making it. She is only 68 but we've had a few deaths in the family so maybe I'm overly worried about this.

This year she turns 69 and I'm in the position where I have the time and money to plan a party.

AIBU is: is it weird to throw a big, e.g surprise party with DJ etc, for not a "big" birthday? People would probably assume it was her 70th - would you be embarrassed/offended if you were in her position? Or bemused/ unenthusiastic about travelling a long way to attend a 69th (not that i would advertise her age as she doesn't openly discuss it)?

YABU - too weird, wait til 70
YANBU - throw a 69th

Thanks!

Glastonbury tickets for her 70th!

It’s not on this year so you have time to plan.

Me too.

If people know that it's not her 70th then they will jump to conclusions that the party has been brought forward a year due to terminal illness.

Else you will get people wondering if they have got her age wrong and it is actually her 70th.

I also think you are right and if you do a party now then that will detract from her actual 70th. If people have to travel, pay to stay over, buy a gift etc they aren't going to want to do that twice.

Hadn't even considered the idea she might enjoy planning it.. Great point thanks!

This is an amazing idea!

Would she definitely want a surprise party at any age? It's not for everyone. I would be utterly mortified.

Nothing says "I think you're on borrowed time Mum!" like a 69th birthday party! Wait a year.

I do sympathise with how jolted you must feel by recent bereavements, @Mementodishwasher - but you’re young (30s, 40s?) and probably don’t yet appreciate that (absent a terminal diagnosis) people in their 60s / 70s (even 80s / 90s!) don’t feel they’re at death’s door - and don’t appreciate being treated as if they are. (I feel fecking murderous towards people who jump up to offer me a seat on the bus!😂)

Indeed. I'll be 68 in a couple of months and if a loved one said "Well, we decided to give you a party now because we thought you might cark it soon" I might not enjoy the event...

This exactly.
I'd be appalled and very upset.

I wouldn’t op, what about spending the money on a nice weekend away for her birthday including afternoon tea maybe?

People will either think she’s dying and won’t make 70, or it’s some weird sex celebration birthday. I’d just wait for 70, it’s only one year.

This is a bit of a weird post op given how many posters have already made the link (myself included!) on your post. It’s nothing personal!

I'm sure she'll be surprised, but surprises are not always good and this is a good example of a "not good" one.

Does it have to be a surprise? Most "surprise" parties I have been to have been more about what the organiser wanted than the person whose birthday it was. Most people want to choose and look forward to their celebration, not have someone else's choices imposed on them.

Unless your mother has a terminal illness, wait a year and ask her how she wants to celebrate her birthday.

But, like it or not, that's what a lot of people will think and snigger about when they hear that number. Bryan Adams even wrote a song about it (and he wasn't talking about the year, as he would only have been 10 then, and he was talking about his friends driving around and getting married).

It's a bit like some of the baby name threads, where OP and her social circle may well not associate a certain name with something rude or unfortunate, but sadly a great many people whom the child will encounter through their life will.

Don't be silly. Just wait a year.

The dreaded afternoon tea! 😂

If you dragged me past celebrated cocktail bars and Michelin starred restaurants to feed me Earl Grey and jam - I would be apoplectic with disappointment.

(I like scones - I make them at home. Not A Treat.)

Well I am probably the wrong person to ask but my dad dropped dead last year at 69 and I wish we had done more for his birthday. Although he would have hated it 😁

I think a large part of it will hinge on whether she's normally an extroverted, gregarious, party animal type or not. If she has a blast celebrating every birthday, nobody will think anything of it; but if she normally just celebrates with a meal out for the immediate family, everybody will assume that a big party means that it's a 'landmark' year.

I know what it's like to lose loved ones at a young age, but if she isn't terminally ill or otherwise in very poor health, she's very likely to see her 70th birthday. If I were you, I'd consider working with her to plan a 'nice' day for her 69th, but then take the whole of the next year making massive plans for a huge celebration for her 70th IF that is what she will love.

Personally, I'm not a fan of surprise parties, as they then rob people of the excitement of the anticipation and being able to plan (not necessarily alone) exactly what they like. Parties tend to be in the evening, so it's a horrible feeling when your big day arrives and nobody seems at all bothered about you all day; in a way that a huge (often overwhelming) surprise when most of your special day has already gone doesn't really make up for all of those hours of sadness and feeling unloved.

I would maybe sell it as a “why wait until you’re 70” party and it will be a more unexpected surprise.

but I also enjoy a fuss of any birthday and love any excuse for a celebration.

my DM died at 58 so I use any excuse I can to enjoy myself!

Does that not lead to an anticlimax, though, assuming you do reach 70 - and you feel resigned to a quiet, low-fuss day, because you've already had your massive bash the previous year?

I would think it's weird and quite cringe to make a big deal of 69.

Just don't mention the number and throw her a party!

JFC she’s 69 not 89. YABU.

on another note, I wouldn’t appreciate it one bit and would be deeply offended that you thought I was about to croak it at 69.

Assuming if she loves socialising and dancing then she isn’t near end of life.