Ex refusing to get a car?

[Cardilemma5]

So background is me and my ex have a very different sort of co-parenting situation, I wont go into details but we basically spend alot of time together with our child but we dont live together.

Ex had a work vehicle that he was allowed to use for personal use but recently due to a job change he now has a company vehicle that he is strictly not allowed to use for any personal use.
Because he has always had a work vehicle we do all of our travel together like days out etc in my car which has always been fine although annoys me from time to time as he never contributes petrol and obviously all wear & tear is my responsibility.

Ex has declared he wont be getting a car for personal use as he cant afford it (I understand he is low income as am I but a car is a necessity for school/work/clubs and what not)
AIBU to be annoyed that all responsibility falls to me if he doesn't have a vehicle he can use outside of him working? He cant pick our child up from school in an emergency if needed, he cant take her to any clubs (he doesn't anyway but if it was ever needed he wont be able to)
It's annoyed me that he wont even consider getting a car but maybe im unreasonable here?

He will just have to get a taxi if he needs to in an emergency eg to.pick child up from school.

A car isn’t something you have to prioritise.

It’s something you choose to prioritise because it makes life a lot easier.

He doesn’t have to make those same choices as you. Equally you don’t have to continually sub as a taxi driver for him.

He can “demand” as much as he likes but unless it’s in a CAO you do not need to do any travelling to enable him to see his DD. That is HIS responsibility.

The relationship is over, stop letting him have this power over you.

Idk which way to vote. On the one hand, men should be equally involved parents as the Mum, which involves being able to drive in order to better serve their children.

On the other hand, you can't expect someone to get a car if they can't afford one and humans have lived for thousands of years without cars. Can he and the kids get bikes and helmets?

It doesn't sound as if you have evrealky separated at all, you need to stop going on all these outings with him and he has to be responsible for when he gets your child.

Ex has no right to get annoyed be you missing DD’s clubs due to transport he can’t be arsed to do himself. He isn’t your boss.

if he tells you that you will have to do xyz to take him places or take his daughter places for him, you need to say no. Maybe his family will miss out on seeing her, that’s his problem, not yours.

You don’t seriously want to still be his taxi driver, do you-you’ve split up! Move on.

There is nothing wrong with some activities together but this is too much and negatively impacting you financially which you can't afford. Make a new pattern of him having regular scheduled contact eg a Saturday or Sunday all day and you drop her off and pick her up - for your convenience. You can dictate times and days as you are making it work. You get some time to yourself and if he's shit while she's there that's his problem not yours. You will be really surprised how quickly he relaxes his rules on using the work car/ public transport when you are not running him everywhere.

Why not just share the car?

YABU, cars are a luxury not a necessity. There are too many on the road as there is.

Unfortunately you are right, he is a lazy parent and I suppose I do alot of what I do because otherwise he would get out of parenting so much and I want him to spend time with his daughter.
It's been a few months now that he hasnt been able to use his car and its been like well you'll have to pick me up or I cant do that, or if you want to go there you'll have to take me. I have to bring our daughter to him so he can take her to visit his family whereas before he could pick her up and id get a rare hour to myself. I just know the longer it goes on the more it will drive me mad.

This is ridiculous. Why are you putting up with this? Stop picking him up and taking places. If he wants to go places he will need to get a car or take a taxi or public transport like everyone else. If he wants to take his daughter to see his family he will have to work out how to do that if he doesn't have a car.

You need a proper split. This is a wishy-washy mish-mash. You aren't going to be able to stay friends like you were before you got together. In a few years a friendship might be possible but not right now. It's muddying the waters. He might even think you are still together, just not living together or that you are likely to get back together.
You need a clean break. You aren't together. You do not want to get back together. You make arrangements for his contact time with your daughter. You don't go and sleep in his house with your daughter during contact time or pick him up and drive him shopping and for day trips so he can see his daughter.
You could drop your daughter off for contact time and pick her up I suppose, but what he does during his contact time is for him to organize.

If he doesn't need/want/can't afford a car, that's fine. That's his business, not yours. But he also doesn't get to use you as his personal taxi service. He can phone for an actual taxi and pay for it, use public transport or walk and if he can't manage using those three methods of transport because of location etc. he will need to get a car.

His transport issues are not your problem.

Why on earth are you going shopping and days out with him? You’re not together, let him sort his own shopping and leisure activities.

and staying over at his? WTAF?