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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends comments about our parenting

79 replies

plantlover77 · 13/04/2026 14:59

So basically we have a 2 year old and our friends have a 1 year old.

They constantly question our parenting and make comparisons and it is really starting to get on my nerves.

Firstly they often leave their daughter with the male friend's mum for days on end, often 3 times a week so they can "get a break".

We haven't ever left our son with anyone as both our parents are not an option due to various health reasons.

The only person is SIL but she is a full time carer to MIL.
They think it's weird and how we are holding our son back.

The other comments were made at Easter when they were astonished that we hadn't gotten any chocolate for our son.

We have never fed him chocolates as I have first hand experience what happens (all my baby teeth were rotten due to my parents giving me sweets etc).

I like to cook food from scratch and my friend often says "I make life hard for myself by not giving our son ready made meals".

They also smoke around their daughter and my friend smoked through the majority of the pregnancy and gets offended when I ask them to smoke outside the house when they visit.

AIBU to feel like this?

OP posts:
NewyearNC · 13/04/2026 15:01

This cant be real? Obviously they are terrible parents.

MiaKulper · 13/04/2026 15:02

YABU to be friends with them.

Credittocress · 13/04/2026 15:02

Well you know that anyone smoking during pregnancy and around a child hasn’t got a leg to stand on, so I don’t know what you’re looking for?

BudgetBuster · 13/04/2026 15:03

Genuine question... why are you friends with them? Parenting styles can differ of course but they sound like their entire life values are completely opposite to yours?

Aquarius91 · 13/04/2026 15:05

Sorry, you know full well that you’re not being unreasonable. They are clearly not very good parents. Your parenting sounds pretty standard. Did you come here to slag them off or get a pat on the back?

Original poster
plantlover77 · 13/04/2026 15:06

@NewyearNC- I think the same but I thought I was being harsh as they first time parents as well.

Im going to say something next time.
I was really starting to think I was weird or something because my son has never spend a night away from me.

OP posts:
Original poster
plantlover77 · 13/04/2026 15:09

The guy was friends with my OH first and then I slowly began to got to know them.

We don't have much in common and they're more OH's friends.

Its like anytime OH speaks to the male on the phone he will come at me all crazy like I am the one holding our son back, it's like they compare notes on who does what with their child etc.

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 13/04/2026 15:10

They sound like pillars of parenting. Absolutely who you should be taking advice from.

NewyearNC · 13/04/2026 15:10

plantlover77 · 13/04/2026 15:06

@NewyearNC- I think the same but I thought I was being harsh as they first time parents as well.

Im going to say something next time.
I was really starting to think I was weird or something because my son has never spend a night away from me.

First time parents more often go the other way with things (ie doing things by the book) - or at least from what I’ve seen. What they are doing (smoking in particular) is just dreadful.

BudgetBuster · 13/04/2026 15:18

plantlover77 · 13/04/2026 15:09

The guy was friends with my OH first and then I slowly began to got to know them.

We don't have much in common and they're more OH's friends.

Its like anytime OH speaks to the male on the phone he will come at me all crazy like I am the one holding our son back, it's like they compare notes on who does what with their child etc.

Yeah but WHY are they friends? What do your OH & the guy have in common?

Can you not just not socialise with them as a family?

Pinkflamingo10 · 13/04/2026 15:22

are they for real ?! Smoking, ready meals and leaving your toddler in someone else’s a house for days on end is generally frowned upon.
I’m with you OP !

MabelRoyds · 13/04/2026 15:25

This must be a troll post. Bit vile really.

begonefoulclutter · 13/04/2026 15:27

plantlover77 · 13/04/2026 15:09

The guy was friends with my OH first and then I slowly began to got to know them.

We don't have much in common and they're more OH's friends.

Its like anytime OH speaks to the male on the phone he will come at me all crazy like I am the one holding our son back, it's like they compare notes on who does what with their child etc.

Who comes at you all crazy? The friend or your OH?

MiaKulper · 13/04/2026 15:32

Its like anytime OH speaks to the male on the phone he will come at me all crazy...
Shoot the messenger.

Hayxfever · 13/04/2026 15:36

I have to be honest I've noticed in the past 10 year or so, that some parenting as plumbed to embarrassing levels.

Parsleyforme · 13/04/2026 15:43

I would not continue to hang out with them, they sound like bad parents and they would put me off them as people. How does your partner know the guy and why does he then talk to you about your child as though he doesn’t also make the decisions? I think your partner needs new friends so he can see what healthy/normal parenting is

ponyprincess · 13/04/2026 15:46

Make new friends? Doesn't sound like they are close friends so phases out and focus on friends who you have more in common with

Hobnobswantshernameback · 13/04/2026 15:49

The smoking was the one egg too many

TrustworthyMartini · 13/04/2026 15:50

Its like anytime OH speaks to the male on the phone he will come at me all crazy...

What does this involve?
You are not on the call - how is he "coming at you"?
Why doesn't your OH tell him to bugger off.

Endofyear · 13/04/2026 15:51

I wouldn't be taking any notice of what they say. If you feel the need to say something I'd just say it's up to you how you parent your child and up to me how I choose to do things. It's certainly not worth getting het up about - who cares what they think?

Decacaffeinatednow · 13/04/2026 15:53

Another thread to whip up froth...

Ladybyrd · 13/04/2026 15:57

Not all friendships are meant to be lifelong. You may be at a similar stage in life, but you clearly have very different priorities.

YorksMa · 13/04/2026 16:02

Are you friends with Wayne and Waynetta?

Delphiniumandlupins · 13/04/2026 16:11

Sounds like it is for the best that their child spends as much time as possible time with granny. It would be very tempting to tell them this but would probably end the friendship. If you want to keep them as friends tell them that criticising your parenting is not on and hold firm.

BiddlyBipBipBeeBop · 13/04/2026 16:12

“I’m happy with my choices and not looking for advice or opinions thanks”

Rinse and repeat.

Some people feel the need to disparage other people’s choices in an attempt to validate their own. Shut them down and cut them off if they don’t stop it. They sound like dreadful parents anyway.