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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends comments about our parenting

79 replies

plantlover77 · 13/04/2026 14:59

So basically we have a 2 year old and our friends have a 1 year old.

They constantly question our parenting and make comparisons and it is really starting to get on my nerves.

Firstly they often leave their daughter with the male friend's mum for days on end, often 3 times a week so they can "get a break".

We haven't ever left our son with anyone as both our parents are not an option due to various health reasons.

The only person is SIL but she is a full time carer to MIL.
They think it's weird and how we are holding our son back.

The other comments were made at Easter when they were astonished that we hadn't gotten any chocolate for our son.

We have never fed him chocolates as I have first hand experience what happens (all my baby teeth were rotten due to my parents giving me sweets etc).

I like to cook food from scratch and my friend often says "I make life hard for myself by not giving our son ready made meals".

They also smoke around their daughter and my friend smoked through the majority of the pregnancy and gets offended when I ask them to smoke outside the house when they visit.

AIBU to feel like this?

OP posts:
Summerhillsquare · 13/04/2026 16:14

Did ye aye?

Givemeausernamepls · 13/04/2026 16:16

Another weird mumsnet post, claiming friendship with someone you don’t even like…

Foundress · 13/04/2026 16:20

YorksMa · 13/04/2026 16:02

Are you friends with Wayne and Waynetta?

And is their child called Spudulika?

WaneyEdge · 13/04/2026 16:32

Loads of people I know have their kids sleep over at GPs from
being a baby. That’s just personal choice.

The rest sounds pretty bad, also
don't understand why you’re friends with them.

ToRiseAboveItIsHard · 14/04/2026 01:55

@plantlover77 smoking during pregnancy, what is she 16 and knows no better?

That’s despicable behaviour. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if her DC has some form of learning difficulty or behaviour problems from this. Even ADHD has been linked to it.

BreakingBroken · 14/04/2026 02:04

Everyone has their own parenting style.
Yours and theirs are at opposite ends of the spectrum.
No point in maintaining the friendship.

Fundays12 · 14/04/2026 08:00

Why are you bothering with them? They are terrible parents but yet judging you for not giving a 2 year old chocolate whilst smoking around there 1 year old?

Also although a break does parents good it sounds like they cant be bothered with there child. I have met a few older children who have had a similar experience whom all struggle now because they know there parents would rather drink, party or do most thing's without them because they need a "break".

Kids need stability, boundaries, rules etc. The only thing i would say is be careful of not allowing chocolate at all as they get older. Its better to have a bit and learn its a treat than be denied at gorge at kids parties etc.

Ireallycantthinkofagoodone · 14/04/2026 14:03

plantlover77 · 13/04/2026 15:06

@NewyearNC- I think the same but I thought I was being harsh as they first time parents as well.

Im going to say something next time.
I was really starting to think I was weird or something because my son has never spend a night away from me.

Personally. I think it’s a good idea for children to be cared for by another responsible adult from time to time. You never know when it might be necessary, in an emergency, and if they have never been away from you, it could be traumatising for them. However, that’s totally your choice.

LughLongArm · 14/04/2026 14:06

plantlover77 · 13/04/2026 15:09

The guy was friends with my OH first and then I slowly began to got to know them.

We don't have much in common and they're more OH's friends.

Its like anytime OH speaks to the male on the phone he will come at me all crazy like I am the one holding our son back, it's like they compare notes on who does what with their child etc.

So it’s your partner who is the real problem here?

Twinmum0822 · 14/04/2026 17:56

My friends wife is like this. She thinks she is superior to anyone else in the world. Unfortunately as it’s my friends wife (who is nothing like her) I have to just put up with it to see him and their daughter. However if I had a friend like this they’d be cut out of my life no questions.

DasMama · 14/04/2026 18:00

Honestly… ignorant people give the most ridiculous unsolicited advice. Just ignore them. I had someone like that in the early days of motherhood and I just said something like: they are all personal decisions. Stick to yours and leave me alone.

GlovedhandsCecilia · 14/04/2026 18:01

They sound like they are struggling to make good choices and your ability to make them causes them to feel guilty and lash out. For whatever reason, your partner is sensitive to this criticism. He should know that you two are doing really well.

Pam100127 · 14/04/2026 18:06

We never left our children with ‘people’ (in-laws were either deceased or ill)
They are grown now, but they were always friendly outgoing confident children.
Also, we’re not religious, and when they were off school for Easter, we went away and chocolate wasn’t mentioned.
If they got a treat, it was a little container with a few jellies or two squares of chocolate.
They never queried it and were excited to go to the park, bring a picnic (bread rolls and grapes) and no sweets.
You are doing great.
We never let them be in an environment with smokers.
Follow your instincts.

Goblinkingsqueen · 14/04/2026 18:16

I would stop being friends with these people if I were you. The differences in your lifestyle and parenting choices are too vast.

I had to stop being friends with someone who was giving alcohol to her already troubled 11 year old in order to 'calm him down' so she could go out and have a nice time.

Maray1967 · 14/04/2026 18:23

YorksMa · 13/04/2026 16:02

Are you friends with Wayne and Waynetta?

Yes!! Love that.

OP, you can stop seeing these appalling parents. Just tell your DH you’ve had enough of their rubbish.

MMUmum · 14/04/2026 18:37

plantlover77 · 13/04/2026 14:59

So basically we have a 2 year old and our friends have a 1 year old.

They constantly question our parenting and make comparisons and it is really starting to get on my nerves.

Firstly they often leave their daughter with the male friend's mum for days on end, often 3 times a week so they can "get a break".

We haven't ever left our son with anyone as both our parents are not an option due to various health reasons.

The only person is SIL but she is a full time carer to MIL.
They think it's weird and how we are holding our son back.

The other comments were made at Easter when they were astonished that we hadn't gotten any chocolate for our son.

We have never fed him chocolates as I have first hand experience what happens (all my baby teeth were rotten due to my parents giving me sweets etc).

I like to cook food from scratch and my friend often says "I make life hard for myself by not giving our son ready made meals".

They also smoke around their daughter and my friend smoked through the majority of the pregnancy and gets offended when I ask them to smoke outside the house when they visit.

AIBU to feel like this?

Definitely not being unreasonable, please pay no heed to these inadequate parents, in fact they could take some lessons from you

MMUmum · 14/04/2026 18:44

YorksMa · 13/04/2026 16:02

Are you friends with Wayne and Waynetta?

And their gorgeous children Frogmella and Spudulika 🤣🤣🤣. Sadly Ops friendds exist irl 😪

Newsenmum · 14/04/2026 18:46

They are trying to make themselves feel better by pretending youre weird

MrsAnon6 · 14/04/2026 18:46

They are clearly awful parents and have no right to critique anyone else’s parenting. I will say though, it’s ok to give your son a bit of chocolate here and there and the odd ready meal if you’re tight on time but I do think it’s great how committed you are to feeding him such a healthy diet. I realise grandparents aren’t an option for childcare but if you ever did have to ask family for help with it then that’s ok too. I’m just saying this as I know the pressure to be a perfect parent can be overwhelming and just want to let you know that it’s ok not to be perfect. Your friends on the other hand are so far from perfect that they seem lazy and neglectful.

StrippeyFrog · 14/04/2026 18:46

Well there’s different parenting styles and then there’s just bad parents. I wouldn’t be friends with these people. Maybe they sense that others are judging their parenting so are projecting onto you.

Original poster
plantlover77 · 14/04/2026 18:56

Hi thanks for the lovely replies and support.

I do tend to do things by the book as he is our first child.
I always ensure he eats/offered at least 5 fruit and veg portions a day and they think that's really bizarre and the "government getting into my head".

They don't even take their child to the dentist and again think it's strange that we go as suggested by our son's dentist (every 6 months).

I had 7 fillings by the age of 15 as a result of a sweet tooth (parents used to give me chocolate, sweets, cakes, fizzy drinks) and I am so determined for my son not to take the same path hence why I probably appear to be really strict on what he eats.

I told OH I'm not keen on their comments and he said "he would have a word".

He did agree with me that it leaving their child for days on end with the nan isn't really providing a secure and stable environment.
Its not a day here and there either it's literally 3/4 days a week and they call it a "God send".

They get drunk, smoke marijuana and go clubbing.
They ask us to go with them a lot of the time.

OP posts:
Iatethelastbiscuit · 14/04/2026 19:07

I can’t believe the mum agrees to essentially be their kid’s primary carer. No way I’d be agreeing to that if I was a grandmother

Quitelikeit · 14/04/2026 19:09

What in the universal credit is this!

365RubyRed · 14/04/2026 19:29

Is this for real? In every post, these parents get worse.

Partypants83 · 14/04/2026 19:43

They are not your friends. Your child rearing styles are too different.
Extricate yourself!

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