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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends comments about our parenting

79 replies

plantlover77 · 13/04/2026 14:59

So basically we have a 2 year old and our friends have a 1 year old.

They constantly question our parenting and make comparisons and it is really starting to get on my nerves.

Firstly they often leave their daughter with the male friend's mum for days on end, often 3 times a week so they can "get a break".

We haven't ever left our son with anyone as both our parents are not an option due to various health reasons.

The only person is SIL but she is a full time carer to MIL.
They think it's weird and how we are holding our son back.

The other comments were made at Easter when they were astonished that we hadn't gotten any chocolate for our son.

We have never fed him chocolates as I have first hand experience what happens (all my baby teeth were rotten due to my parents giving me sweets etc).

I like to cook food from scratch and my friend often says "I make life hard for myself by not giving our son ready made meals".

They also smoke around their daughter and my friend smoked through the majority of the pregnancy and gets offended when I ask them to smoke outside the house when they visit.

AIBU to feel like this?

OP posts:
Aquarius91 · 14/04/2026 19:54

365RubyRed · 14/04/2026 19:29

Is this for real? In every post, these parents get worse.

Of course it isn’t bloody real.

FunMustard · 14/04/2026 20:00

They sound thick as fuck to be quite frank. Either ignore them and roll your eyes, and tell DH to not repeat what they're saying to him to you, or grin and bear it, or tell them to shut up.

greenteaandlimes · 14/04/2026 20:03

OP if this is real, they are terrible parents, and terrible friends. Please stop hanging around with them.

Luckyforsome23 · 14/04/2026 20:04

You sound like a lovely parent. I would ditch them or just laugh at their advice.

Dollymylove · 14/04/2026 20:11

Why are these people so invested in how you parent your child? Its none of their business. Tell them to butt out and start parenting their own child adequately

nutbrownhare15 · 14/04/2026 20:14

Why do you want to spend time with them? I wouldn't. The smoking thing alone is incredibly rude let alone the ignorant judgemental comments.

HappyMeal564 · 14/04/2026 21:23

I don't understand why you're spending time with people with parenting ideas so different from yours, what do you do together if they are more interested in smoking weed, clubbing and not being with their child? Just dump them, it must be odd being around other with such vastly different lives

paulhollywoodshairgel · 14/04/2026 21:32

People that smoke around kids and while pregnant should have their kids removed until they give up in my opinion. I grew up with a smoking parent.. I had problems at birth and health problems in later due life due to it. There is no excuse for it. It’s child abuse.

B1anche · 14/04/2026 21:44

365RubyRed · 14/04/2026 19:29

Is this for real? In every post, these parents get worse.

I'm wondering what is coming next from the OP... "Our friends only ever drive after drinking a bottle of wine and don't understand why we don't. Are we the weird ones?"

Bikergran · 14/04/2026 22:02

Why are they still friends? Obviously your parenting styles and values are miles apart. Find better friends and enjoy bringing up your child well.

August1980 · 14/04/2026 22:33

BudgetBuster · 13/04/2026 15:03

Genuine question... why are you friends with them? Parenting styles can differ of course but they sound like their entire life values are completely opposite to yours?

As we are only hearing one side of the story I think OP is trying to illustrate what wonderful parents she and her DH are in comparison.

I too have a 16 month old and we are pretty much everything in moderation. Neither one of us like chocolate or sweets for that matter so we don’t really have it around to offer it.
sire, I cook from scratch but when we are out, I use shop bought stuff (like the fruit or yoghurt pouches) we were skiing last week and kept 2 of those in my snack bag along with other shop bought bits as fruit etc wouldn’t have survived the plane journey)

I remember a friends parent at my 10th birthday saying no cake for their son as he doesn’t do sugar… fair enough he was handed a fruit platter. What my mum reminded me off when I got a little ahead of myself with my first child, was that on clearing up, under his plate were 3/4 empty cupcake casings.

Dont be friends with them if you have nothing in common

croydon15 · 14/04/2026 23:16

Poor little dd, get drunk, smoke marijuana, some people shouldn't have children they're not fit parents.

Foundress · 15/04/2026 09:27

365RubyRed · 14/04/2026 19:29

Is this for real? In every post, these parents get worse.

No it isn’t. I had forgotten about dear little Frogmella @MMUmum .

NormasArse · 15/04/2026 10:09

plantlover77 · 13/04/2026 15:09

The guy was friends with my OH first and then I slowly began to got to know them.

We don't have much in common and they're more OH's friends.

Its like anytime OH speaks to the male on the phone he will come at me all crazy like I am the one holding our son back, it's like they compare notes on who does what with their child etc.

You don’t need to spend time with them just because they are your OH’s friends.

I absolutely would not be friends with someone who smoked through their pregnancy, or around children because our values are too different.

Your parenting sounds pretty standard and sensible- just go with that, and seek out parent friends with similar values- it makes life so much easier.

Lavender14 · 15/04/2026 10:20

BiddlyBipBipBeeBop · 13/04/2026 16:12

“I’m happy with my choices and not looking for advice or opinions thanks”

Rinse and repeat.

Some people feel the need to disparage other people’s choices in an attempt to validate their own. Shut them down and cut them off if they don’t stop it. They sound like dreadful parents anyway.

This^

You just need to have a line that's polite but holds your boundary and have it on standby for the next comment that comes up. I think this posters suggested line is perfect as it shuts it down while being very clear and polite. If they get offended by it then it's very much a 'them' issue.

Bristolandlazy · 15/04/2026 10:27

Troll post, seriously we're supposed to believe this is real.

JMSA · 15/04/2026 10:30

They are projecting and trying desperately to justify themselves, because they know deep down that your parenting choices are better than theirs.

Ladygardenerinderby · 15/04/2026 16:06

end the “friendship”

Pessismistic · 15/04/2026 23:16

plantlover77 · 14/04/2026 18:56

Hi thanks for the lovely replies and support.

I do tend to do things by the book as he is our first child.
I always ensure he eats/offered at least 5 fruit and veg portions a day and they think that's really bizarre and the "government getting into my head".

They don't even take their child to the dentist and again think it's strange that we go as suggested by our son's dentist (every 6 months).

I had 7 fillings by the age of 15 as a result of a sweet tooth (parents used to give me chocolate, sweets, cakes, fizzy drinks) and I am so determined for my son not to take the same path hence why I probably appear to be really strict on what he eats.

I told OH I'm not keen on their comments and he said "he would have a word".

He did agree with me that it leaving their child for days on end with the nan isn't really providing a secure and stable environment.
Its not a day here and there either it's literally 3/4 days a week and they call it a "God send".

They get drunk, smoke marijuana and go clubbing.
They ask us to go with them a lot of the time.

Omg they judge you when you’re being a proper parent and they are definitely not. Op just say I don’t need a break thanks my dc is my responsibility and I will do what I think is best for me and them and you do you. You could always get a little dig in like your dc won’t know if nan is mum or you then laugh. It sounds like 50/50 co parenting they’re just lazy people who don’t take responsibility for the dc they brought in to the world. Just smile and say I’ve never been happier. Sounds like they don’t want to parent or cannot handle the responsibility so you can be smug knowing you put your dc first.

Babyboomtastic · 15/04/2026 23:34

They sound awful, but honestly you are coming across as a bit sanctimumius. I'm a believer in everything in moderation.

My children's teeth are perfect, they have sweets and chocolates in moderation, and had some as toddlers.

I cook a lot from scratch, but on busy days it's fine to use a pre prepared meal, or something simple, or a hybrid approach - ie use a prepared sauce.

It's fine to have a break away, and good for you to have a back up option should it ever be needed.

Obviously they should get a move on with the dentist, but their child is younger than yours and about the right age for a first appointment. They are still 1, it's not like they're 10.

Doing things 'by the book' is fine upto a point, as long as you are using judgement and common sense over it.

Obviously they shouldn't be giving a junk food heavy diet and smoking/drugs is an absolute no no, and that's awful behaviour from them.

IhateBegonias · 16/04/2026 16:58

“Its not a day here and there either it's literally 3/4 days a week and they call it a "God send".
They get drunk, smoke marijuana and go clubbing.
They ask us to go with them a lot of the time.”

Their parenting skills just get better and better. 😬😬😬

every time they make a comment shut them down. You are doing the best for your child. My first DD had her first choc/sweet when she was 2yo but my 2nd DD had her first when she was 6months old, well she snatched it out of her sister’s hand.
They only had their first sleepover away from me when they were 8 and 3 with their aunt (although if she had asked earlier I would’ve sent them!)

Madarch · 16/04/2026 17:54

They sound like 1970s/80s parents.

Never did me any harm 🤪

Original poster
plantlover77 · 16/04/2026 23:59

I have spoken to my OH about them tonight and he agrees that that we shouldn't really see them as much as after discussing it he thinks that they aren't all what they are cracked up to be and dosent like the compassions that they make to our parenting.

They are 32 and 38.

They were the last ones in the friendship group to have kids as they put it off because they wanted to travel etc, and apparently they didn't expect parenting to be so demanding.

When their baby was a few months told they told us they wanted another one asap but now they are "one and done" but they do say they love there daughter.

I think before they would always be out partying getting drunk/high and now they are parents the freedom has gone and that's what they struggle with.

The nan always looked after her husband who has a disability and has already said that it's becoming too much etc.

OP posts:
StarCurator · 18/04/2026 19:02

Those "friends" sound deplorable. Their child would benefit from them "holding him back" as they may find that when he gets a bit older he will be addicted to junk food and his phone, and disrespect their authority (which seems to be non-existent). Since your husband is such good friends with the father, you can't just cut loose from them, and you'll need to have a talk with him, explaining that their standards of parenting are different from yours and that he needs to respect your opinion. Good parents don't leave their children with any old person who offers childcare.

ScreamingBeans · 18/04/2026 19:38

Your friends are savages.