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Original poster

MIL playing victim

54 replies

Mamibaba · 13/04/2026 12:39

I didn’t see my MIL whilst pregnant and only saw her twice in the previous 3 yrs (at events) and partner isn’t close to her. Now we have a baby she is playing victim saying that I do not let her see the baby even though I am the one who takes the baby to her house every few weeks for a visit as my partner refuses to see her. How am I the bad guy in this?

OP posts:
DonewhatIcando · 13/04/2026 12:49

@Mamibaba
Massive step back, if I were you, let your DP facilitate visits, if he doesn't its not your job to do it especially if MIL is being a dick.
She'd be finding out the true meaning of "fuck around and find out" if she were my MIL ❤️

Thundertoast · 13/04/2026 12:52

Who did she say that to and how did you find out?

Thehop · 13/04/2026 12:53

Stop going unless you enjoy it. Nothing to lose

Bunnybackinherwarren · 13/04/2026 12:54

Why are you going against the df's wishes? He doesn't want a relationship with her. Why are you insisting your dc has one?
My mil hasn't seen our dc since he was 3 months old. He's now nearly 12...

Years.
Back away and keep dc away. Imo you risk her causing issues in your relationship.

Nowvoyager99 · 13/04/2026 12:54

Why are you bothering with her?

whattheflipz · 13/04/2026 12:59

keep the distance. I know. It was only get worse.
distance for a reason.

Tablesandchairs23 · 13/04/2026 12:59

Why are you bothering if your partner doesn't take the baby. Stop going let her play the victim.

HisNibs · 13/04/2026 13:02

If she's going to make shit up that you don't let her see the baby when you are in fact the only one facilitating this, you have absolutely nothing to lose in disengaging completely. Let MIL play the game of FAFO. She'll speak ill of you no matter what.

toomuchfaff · 13/04/2026 13:03

You are the bad guy in this because you've put yourself bang in the middle of it, triangulation.

Why are you facilitating visits. Its his mother, if he wants nothing to do with her then thats his choice, its his child. Let him choose the relationship the child has with his mother. Let him manage the visits, let him do all the contacts.

All you've done at the minute is become the person who can put pressure on him, pass messages to him, facilitate contact he doesnt want. It will cause issues and it is.

Coconutter24 · 13/04/2026 13:08

Does your partner or mind you taking the baby to visit her?

CoffeeBeansGalore · 13/04/2026 13:10

Stop going. She obviously doesn't appreciate your effort.

Chilly80 · 13/04/2026 13:38

It's easier to be mad at DiL than son as if he's at fault she's at fault as she raised him.
I would visit less, if you are already to blame you might as well do the crime.

Original poster
Mamibaba · 13/04/2026 13:38

He told me throughout the pregnancy that he didn’t want them involved then after the birth he sent them pictures so I felt guilty about them not seeing the baby so made the effort.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 13/04/2026 13:40

Her own son doesn’t want to see her. He knows her much better than you do. Your child doesn’t need a relationship with people so awful their son won’t see them.

Oddgain · 13/04/2026 13:42

Who cares? You shouldn’t. Just crack on with having nothing to do with her

Oddgain · 13/04/2026 13:43

You are being incredibly disrespectful to your partner, the father of your child

OldHattie · 13/04/2026 13:45

No good deed goes unpunished! Your dp was obviously 100% correct not to want her involved but you were a bit naive and thought differently. Bad idea, but I know you thought you were being kind.

Who told you she was badmouthing you btw?

Credittocress · 13/04/2026 13:45

He knows what she is like. He knows there is no winning. Take his lead on this and step back.

Original poster
Mamibaba · 13/04/2026 13:47

She sent partner a text after we hadn’t heard anything since 6 weeks saying she was severely depressed and ill because she wasn’t allowed to see the baby.

OP posts:
Oddgain · 13/04/2026 13:48

Mamibaba · 13/04/2026 13:47

She sent partner a text after we hadn’t heard anything since 6 weeks saying she was severely depressed and ill because she wasn’t allowed to see the baby.

And? What was his response?

Original poster
Mamibaba · 13/04/2026 13:49

He made an excuse that we were ill and that I’d bring the baby over that week.

OP posts:
Knotgrass · 13/04/2026 13:49

Mamibaba · 13/04/2026 13:38

He told me throughout the pregnancy that he didn’t want them involved then after the birth he sent them pictures so I felt guilty about them not seeing the baby so made the effort.

Why?
Why wouldn’t you trust the instincts of someone who had known them all his life and has chosen not to be in much contact with them?

Oddgain · 13/04/2026 13:50

This is all very strange

but your partner does not want his mother involved with his child. The end. Respect that.

In any event, she does not sound like someone I’d want near my child

OldHattie · 13/04/2026 13:55

Time to take a big step back. Your dp is not being helpful here either. He shouldn't have made excuses and promises to appease her, but possibly he was in fight/flight/appease mode.

PeopleLikeColdplayYouCantTrustPeopleJez · 13/04/2026 13:56

DonewhatIcando · 13/04/2026 12:49

@Mamibaba
Massive step back, if I were you, let your DP facilitate visits, if he doesn't its not your job to do it especially if MIL is being a dick.
She'd be finding out the true meaning of "fuck around and find out" if she were my MIL ❤️

All of this. You take your child to visit her despite her own son not bothering/wanting to, and she appears to make very little effort with you. Now she’s bitching about it I’d be dropping these visits completely.