MIL playing victim

[Mamibaba]

I didn’t see my MIL whilst pregnant and only saw her twice in the previous 3 yrs (at events) and partner isn’t close to her. Now we have a baby she is playing victim saying that I do not let her see the baby even though I am the one who takes the baby to her house every few weeks for a visit as my partner refuses to see her. How am I the bad guy in this?

Good old guilt tripping. Persume she made a dramtic recovery when she saw your baby though.

Stop taking the baby over. Let him take the baby over. She's his mother and his problem to sort out!

Stop trying to “do the right thing”. Your DP doesn’t want his family involved and isn’t prepared to take the baby himself. And your MIL is making up nonsense saying you’re not letting her see the baby. You need to step back and completely remove yourself from this. If she wants to see the baby then she arranges it with your DP and he decides whether or not that happens. And if it does happen either she visits you or he takes the baby to her. She doesn’t get to demand to see the baby and then guilt trip/criticise/lie about you, and he doesn’t get to volunteer you and your time to facilitate her relationship with your baby.

What happens when she ramps up the demands?
Oh I'm so depressed because I can't have dc alone /overnight /etc..
Stop that shit right now.
If she is mentally unwell she needs a Dr not a baby.

There’s no chance partner would sit there with them so he would leave the baby there which I’m not comfortable with as I don’t know them well nor do I agree with their behaviour.

Your DP's decision has given you all the freedom you need to let this difficult and unpleasant person out of your life. Why are you resisting?

He doesn’t want his child to have anything to do with them

He doesn’t have anything to do with them

Why the HELL are you pushing this??

He doesn’t want confrontation so lies that he’s busy/working to avoid them and gets away with it but that wouldn’t work for me.

Woman the fuck up!! Stop offering up your precious dc to a woman nobody is comfortable around!!

is it just this area that you absolutely roughshod over DP?

He said all through pregnancy he wanted nothing to do with his mother - you maintained contact.

He has nothing to do with his mother - you're facilitating visits and contact

DP seems like he has an issue; and its you.

Honestly this is pathetic

Often it is up to the mum, as (more usually) she has more leave, and is breastfeeding, and often plans schedules regarding appointments etc in the early stages, so my husband would leave it up to me to arrange things, which was right simply because I was the one off work and doing those things. I have never agreed with the idea of only speaking to blood relatives; MIL is just as closely related to the baby as my mum, and I would talk to her just as much.

So maybe text her and ask her out for a coffee, and talk about when suits you for her to babysit/go out together?

Everyone plays the victim on MN.

I don't think I understand your point... this is not really relevant since the op's mil isn't the one posting? Did you just feel the need to randomly get that off your chest?

I think you are being disrespectful to your partner here.

You’re lucky in that your partner refuses to see her I.e is not attached to her. It won’t affect your relationship with him if you do the same as him.

I didn’t contact her throughout the pregnancy as per his wish. He maintained his usual yes/no texts with her.

2 weeks after the birth he agreed for her to come over but left the house as he said he couldn’t be bothered with her.

You do the same. And block her number.

Either partner confronts them or he keeps playing hide and seek games with them - you don’t need to be part of it.

It isn’t your responsibility to facilitate a relationship between your child and your MIL. Tell your DH and MIL to sort it out between them.

He needs to take responsibility for his responses or lack of them to his DM. At present he is avoiding saying No by getting you to act as though he said Yes to her but just wasn't available. Is he a completely avoidant, cowardly wet lettuce? Or does he have anything about him enough to tell his DM where he stands? He should not ben hiding behind you, let alone letting you tsake the flak.
This is an issue between him and her. Keep yourself and DC out of it.

Or it might be that he knows she is toxic and tramples over boundaries so just refuses to engage. You can choose to go NC or grey rock someone, but it doesn’t stop them reaching out to you. It sounds he wants to cut contact with low drama

Block her. DH can deal with her, or not. Up to him.

This is your DH family, you shouldn't be facilitating contact with the baby if he doesn't want them to see the baby. I'm NC with my mother and I would be devastated if DH insisted that she has contact with our DD even though it's clear that's the last thing I want. Plus his mother sounds a complete twat to boot.

OP @CDTCis correct… no woman on this forum would tolerate her DH or DP facilitating contact with her DC and anyone with whom they are NC…. I’m not trying to be rude or mean to you but you need to choose who is more important- your DH and your child or MIL….. I know you’ll not choose her so now you have clarity and can step back.
Your intentions were well meaning, that is clear, enough now x

So you abuse your partner and your child by foisting someone toxic on them.

I mean someone else toxic.