Pizza etiquette

[firstofallimadelight]

In-laws bought a pizza oven last year so almost every visit now involves pizza. I do like pizza but only really margarita. Ils put thick chunks of veg on their pizzas that don’t cook and shield the dough underneath so you end up with soggy pizza. They also dont ask what toppings people want. This time I said could one pizza be plain and they looked at me like I had two heads!! They did make it but then made a deal of handing me my ‘special’ pizza (I’m willing to bet I’m not the only one who would have preferred it!)
I think pizza is like sandwiches people should get a say in what they want.
Dh thinks it’s weird to request a pizza topping (and clearly so do mil and fil)

am I unreasonable to ask for a specific topping?

If you 'have' to go, I'd just try to have a thicker skin where they're concerned. Let them think and imply that you're the odd one, because you know that back in the real world you're the sane one and they're just being inconsiderate hosts. If they don't want to make a 'special' pizza for you, I'd consider bringing my own food instead, or possibly a contribution to the meal (which I would then eat instead of the soggy pizza). I'm sure they'd think that's horrible too, but so what? We're allowed to do things that are slightly different from the norm, especially when dealing with others who have weird behaviours of their own that are affecting us negatively.

“They say the test of a pizza maker is their Margarita and yours was fantastic MIL/FIL, can I have that again this time.”

Exactly. They are Lousy hosts and your DH is being spineless on this one.

If my DC complained about my food I can't imagine forcing them to eat it.
We often do the bases and they add their own toppings, they love it.

How would PILs like it if you insisted on which toppings they could have? It would be a different matter if they actually knew how to cook!

i had a pizza recently in a so called pizza restaurant with oven etc and it wasn't cooked through .... it was literally raw dough on one side . Horrible and as DH knows, I never turn down food so it must have been bad. I've also had some where the veg on top was raw... Also unpleasant... I feel for you on the food basis alone

Also. you mentioned passata? So they just used something like tinned or bottled passata... and that's it? They know nothing.

but the In laws.. are another matter again.

If DH won't speak up, you have nothing to lose by speaking up yourself. Trying not to rock the boat further isn't getting you anywhere.
I'd be saying, could you please reheat this... and I'd actually bring my own toppings ((olives and basil leaves ) which don't even need cooking and calmly put them on.
Push back.. every time. Say calmly in a civil tone "I wouldn't dream of mocking you for your pineapple and blood sausage toppings (or whatever), so please stop making such a fuss over a plain pizza. I'm not asking you to eat it.!" Smile merrily and don't give a second damn about what they think.
They need to know that you wont meekly accept every rude thing they say or you make yourself an easy target, they can kick without any come back, they will think they have a free rein to carry on doing it.
Polite calm push back. contradicting what they say or just saying "How rude, are you feeling OK?" calls attention to what they are doing and will make them think twice. From this and your other post I think you have nothing to lose. Plus if they start kicking off... let them... let your DH see it... remain calm. I used to keep a spare set of car keys in my bag so that I could make an exit if things got more unbearable than usual. I never used them, but it gave me so much confidence that I could if I needed to.
they are bullies.

Is visiting family the same as going to a restaurant now?

If someone is making the food right in front of you... and adding toppings themselves... why would they insist on putting toppings on that you don't like? And she's just saying please don't add the toppings.
Its not like she's sending back a chicken and mushroom pie and asking if they can take the chicken out.
The host is actually mocking her and making a fuss about her not wanting to have toppings on her pizza (because they don't cook them properly) It's quite common to just have a plain Margarita pizza. I can't see a restaurant doing that

I don't think it's really 'pizza etiquette' - it's eating a meal in someone else's house that they have cooked for you etiquette, and in those circumstances you should eat what's put before you unless you're allergic, have ethical concerns or a really pathological 'I'll vomit if I have to eat this' hatred of it.

In my house it was always top your own. Dad would lay out the bases and he put the pizza sauce on, then there were various different toppings laid out in bowls and we all picked our own, i like a fully loaded veg pizza, but my brother likes magherita, my husband and Dad were meast lovers.
Maybe suggest that next time you go, then everyone gets what they want.

You want less on your pizza - not more. It would be a problem if you wanted a topping that they do not have or is difficult to source. Not wanting extra toppings poses no difficulty for them. YANBU at all.

@firstofallimadelight Maybe when you are next due to go, ask if it's pizza for dinner & if it is say that you'll give it a miss as you don't fancy pizza for dinner but you'll see them next time.

So you're supposed to politely eat something that's badly cooked while they take the piss out of you? OK then.

All they need to do is either graciously make the OP a margherita or pre cook or slice finer the veg toppings so they cook nicely. That's not too much to ask, especially as they're showing off their fancy pizza oven.

We have had an Ooni for several years and learned quite quickly that the less you put on the base the better it is, it just doesn't cook properly.

Agree with PPs, the whole point is to let people choose what they want

There used to be a pizza truck at the Cambridge folk festival which did a prosciutto and blue cheese topped pizza which was then topped with rocket, parmesan shavings and balsamic glaze.
I've tried making it at home many times but it's never quite as good.

Yes, you are - it's called considering other people's feelings before your own, something there is a sad lack of in the 21st Century.

So it's OK for them to not care about the OPs feelings?

They don't want her to enjoy her food.

They're rude to her when she politely asks for toppings to be left off and she doesn't even say it's because they're incapable of cooking them properly.

Lockdown was your opportunity for a reset - I would suggest stopping going by stealth (like not going every 4th visit, then every 3rd visit). Eventually it’ll be a bearable amount (and the pizza is all about it being crisp underneath and then melty on top, so definitely needs minimal topping!)

They have served OP something they like to eat and regard as a nice meal, with no reason to think OP won't enjoy it too - a kind and hospitable thing to do for the OP.

It isn't quite to OP's taste. She's not allergic, it's not a meat pizza and she's vegan, she doesn't have a lifelong loathing of pizza and wouldn't eat if if it was the last meal in the world. She simply doesn't much like the toppings or the fact they make the base soggy.

She asks for something different, effectively (whether said out loud or not) finding fault with their hospitality. They are probably either offended or hurt or both.

Nonetheless they comply with her request, but they make a point of handing her her 'special pizza' - we don't know exactly what form this took, whether jocular or huffy - whatever, ideally they should have concealed their feelings, but OP struck the first blow here.

OP was impolite, plain and simple. If someone takes the trouble to host you and cook for you, you should eat what you are given unless it's genuinely impossible.

But we are losing sight of consideration for others' feelings nowadays, it's always 'me me me' and stuff what impact there might be on others, we daren't eat a meal that's not restaurant quality or instagram perfect, that might mean putting up with a little discomfort, and that would never do.

Take a shop bought pizza with you, because you don't want to inconvenience the mad bastards.

Or better still, stay home and cook your shop bought pizza.

So you want an easier and cheaper pizza and they complain...

OP you are not being unreasonable but this thread is so triggering for me. I remember visiting a BF in Sweden many years ago and, at an evening with friends at their house where we all ordered pizza. As I didn’t speak Swedish, BF ordered for me, and then very proudly presented me with my peanut pizza 🤮🤮🤮

It was the final straw.

Next time you go take your own pizza 🍕
Ask them to just cook it for you 😁

Yes - and also, I'm a pizza purist and I think the traditional Italian versions can't be bettered.

The margarita is perfection, in my opinion.

Of course people can put whatever they want on a pizza (ugh...my husband loves his ham and pineapple) but to question why someone prefers the most traditional, time-honoured version (passata and cheese) is just wrong!

This - I would say also add I don't want any of your uncooked veg shit on mine. or ask them when they're going bore off to with their pizza oven. Next time they come to yours say you've got a microwave and serve them a microwave meal - don't ask them what they want just give them anything. if they say anything say here's your special meal here's your special meal.

i know I’m a idiot. But I got caught up in it all and missed them!!

You are an adult with full capacity?

Surely you just visit a few times a year as per your DH and your family