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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for giving my stepson shop money so he was not left out

87 replies

EmptyTheFrickingBins · 12/04/2026 01:16

I took my two boys to a small local museum today, along with my step son (partner's child). They're 10, 6 and 6 (step son).

It has a small shop that sells pocket money bits like pens, colouring, books and small toys. I always let my boys pick a couple of bits up (usually a book each).

I have the five pounds each and realised as I did it that my step son didn't have any money so gave him five pounds too. His dad was supposed to give him his pocket money but hadn't and I couldn't leave him out.

They all picked a little treat each and we came home.

DSS's mum is furious with me for giving him money. She is very against buying "tat" and said it wasn't my place to give him pocket money.

Aibu to think you can't leave one child out?

OP posts:
verabarbleen · 12/04/2026 18:49

Yanbu I would have done the same even if it was one of my kids friends on a day out. Being left out is horrible
i still remember going to the cinema with a friend their parents and as my parents hadn’t given me any money I didn’t get any popcorn I felt so ashamed! In this situation (I’m also part of a blended family as a child) it’s even more important. You did the right thing , good for you x

tinyspiny · 12/04/2026 18:50

She is ridiculous and you sound like a lovely step mum .

2ndcarowner · 12/04/2026 18:52

He was in your care and this was a small, insignificant decision. I presume you also choose what he eats when he’s with you and no one would expect you to call his mum to see if he should have a ham sandwich or a cheese sandwich in the cafe. If you’d done something significant like shaved his head or taken him on the back of a motorbike then I’d say she would be right to be aggrieved, but a pocket money toy from a gift shop, no.

HuckleberryJam · 12/04/2026 18:57

Yanbu. I'm guessing she's angry with your relationship generally and anything you did would have been wrong.

MoonWoman69 · 12/04/2026 19:16

F*ck her, basically. Yes you did the right thing. He's 6 bless him, how awful would it have been for him to see your other children get something and not him? Poor kid.
His mother sounds awful to be honest. And I don't think it's anything to do with the excuse of "tat" and all to do with jealousy! She's frightened to death he'll love you more for buying him things. Like others have said, she sounds the sort who'd complain if you hadn't ncluded him.
Instead she should be happy you're treating her child like one of your own. And good on you for that.
You're never going to win with someone like that, just keep being you! x

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 12/04/2026 19:49

What kind of mother would want her young child to be taken to a toy shop and then have to watch the other children experience the joy and excitement of buying a new toy whilst not being allowed to join in?!

YADNBU, OP.

croydon15 · 12/04/2026 20:15

The mother is a total cow, she should thank you for being kind to her son, would she rather that you left him out and therefore he feels rejected and unhappy; perhaps that's what she would prefer, so that she finds an excuse that he doesn't want to come and visit his DF and you.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 12/04/2026 21:05

I am almost exclusively biased and team mum, but not at all here.
my only advise is to keep the ‘tat’ at dads house to reduce the conflict your household receives.

cadburyegg · 12/04/2026 21:06

YANBU you sound like a lovely stepmum (said as a single mum)

BeddysMum · 12/04/2026 21:10

You did a kind thing and DSS will likely remember that. It's nice of you to care that he was not left out after his father had forgotten to give him any pocket money.
In future, maybe he can leave any 'tat' he buys at your house so his mother doesn't make a fuss about it! What a sour puss!

SparklyLeader · 12/04/2026 21:18

Her problem. If the stepson's father has no objection to you giving a 6 year old money with the other boys while stepson is in his custody it is none of her business. Your DH needs to tell her to jump back. She does not get to dictate his home life with his child.

OneNaiceSnail · 12/04/2026 21:31

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 12/04/2026 21:05

I am almost exclusively biased and team mum, but not at all here.
my only advise is to keep the ‘tat’ at dads house to reduce the conflict your household receives.

A few people have said this but I completely disagree with it. You’ve got another ten years of this at least. It’s a normal, unremarkable thing to happen, you should continue to act as if it is normal and unremarkable. Not start teaching this boy at 6 years of age manipulation tactics to control his mums unhinged temper, trying to get him to hide things and tiptoe round her over something so ridiculous as a cheap toy on a day out. Buy him the toys and let him take them home, not hide them from his mum. Did she thank you for taking her son out? Was his dad working at the time so you were actually providing free childcare?

VividPinkTraybake · 12/04/2026 23:56

ModestlyPrudent · 12/04/2026 01:38

@EmptyTheFrickingBins I agree with PP, the mum’s a loon. Ofcourse you don’t leave a child out. Carry-on doing you!

When one par tof the story sounds too strange to believe...

Crankyaboutfood · 13/04/2026 00:01

stepson and your son are the same age? is there backstory about you and the father? either you are lovely and she is nuts or you were the other woman and she just doesn’t like you.

LaverneBakerImtheonetodoitNSOUL · 13/04/2026 00:01

Damned if you do
Damned if you didn't.

nomas · 13/04/2026 00:03

Why didn’t your partner tell her to wind her neck in? She has no say on what pocket money your DSS gets when he’s at his dad’s.

SemperIdem · 13/04/2026 00:05

She’s an idiot, obviously

Dweetfidilove · 13/04/2026 00:06

Crankyaboutfood · 13/04/2026 00:01

stepson and your son are the same age? is there backstory about you and the father? either you are lovely and she is nuts or you were the other woman and she just doesn’t like you.

You think he may have impregnated both at the same time? Scandalous 😂

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 13/04/2026 01:04

That was a kind. thougtful thing for you to do. i would gave done exactly the same thing.

As for the complaints the mother sounds as though she is feeling guilty and up herself

Whe l was a young child we were allowed to buy bits if cheal tat and junlk every week as little treats.

Also his father needs to give him his pocket money on regular basis. Its a real big thing and event for a young
child.

Best Regards
X

Original poster
EmptyTheFrickingBins · 13/04/2026 01:09

Crankyaboutfood · 13/04/2026 00:01

stepson and your son are the same age? is there backstory about you and the father? either you are lovely and she is nuts or you were the other woman and she just doesn’t like you.

My partner isn't my boys' bio dad. ☺️

OP posts:
MeganM3 · 13/04/2026 01:15

I’d have done the same. And ignore her, she’s being silly if she’d rather her child was excluded from a bit of harmless fun in a museum gift shop. I never make it out of those places without buying the DC something little, it’s their fav part!

Needaglowup · 13/04/2026 01:19

The mums a loon , she should be grateful her son had a stepmother like you, who made sure her son was not left out , he’s only 6 .. still so very little

lauribec · 13/04/2026 06:46

Sounds to me like his mum is the one being unreasonable here. I’d be happy you included my child tbh! You’d have probably been in the wrong if you’d left him without money too, you can’t really win! 😅 and anyway it was £5 not £50 so it’s not like he’s taken a mountain of stuff home with him! I would have given him the £5 too 😊

Sassylovesbooks · 13/04/2026 13:49

You did the right thing. Your step-son's Mum is thinking about her rules, and the fact that you broke them. I bet my bottom dollar, it's the fact it was you who gave her son money, rather than the money in itself. His Mum isn't putting herself into her 6 year old son's shoes. He wouldn't have understood why he couldn't have any money and would have been confused/upset.

Were you aware of this rule? I'm assuming your partner is aware? Did he deliberately not give his son money, knowing his ex would disapprove? Or did he not give two hoots what his ex says and genuinely forgot to provide his son with money?

I'm also assuming your step-son took the items he purchased back home to his Mum? In which case, I would say going forward, anything like this purchased by your step-son stays at your house. Your step-son's Mum has no say over what your partner buys their son or what her son decides to spend money on given by his Dad on his contact time.

This is now for your partner to sort out with his ex.

Ponoka7 · 13/04/2026 13:52

If she doesn't like random stuff, what he gets stays at your house. My grandchildren's father ended up with a stepson and if my grandchildren were going out with them, I'd send sweets for all of them. You don't leave children out.