AIBU for giving my stepson shop money so he was not left out

[EmptyTheFrickingBins]

I took my two boys to a small local museum today, along with my step son (partner's child). They're 10, 6 and 6 (step son).

It has a small shop that sells pocket money bits like pens, colouring, books and small toys. I always let my boys pick a couple of bits up (usually a book each).

I have the five pounds each and realised as I did it that my step son didn't have any money so gave him five pounds too. His dad was supposed to give him his pocket money but hadn't and I couldn't leave him out.

They all picked a little treat each and we came home.

DSS's mum is furious with me for giving him money. She is very against buying "tat" and said it wasn't my place to give him pocket money.

Aibu to think you can't leave one child out?

She sounds like the type that you can’t do right for doing wrong. If she had any sense she would be pleased that her DS seems to have a nice step-mum who includes him.

You did the right thing and I wouldn’t have questioned it at all. What if your boys decided to buy an ice cream and your SS couldn’t afford one, surely you wouldn’t have left your SS out. Anyway your money or their Dads, technically it’s the same thing surely?

You did the right thing OP. I'd not be able to leave a child in my care out either. She'd have soon been whinging if you hadn't and had left her son out. Unfortunately sometimes as a stepmum you are damned if you do, damned if you don't so just do what you feel is right.

Thank you!

I absolutely couldn't leave him out. He's still a baby really and it just wouldn't have been right!

She obviously just has an issue with you because you’re the new partner on the scene and she’s bitter/jealous or whatever. Of course you don’t leave a child out, I’d do this for a friend of my children too, never mind stepchild.

what sartre said above.
if she doesn’t want tat in her house the child can keep the tat at yours.

You did absolutely the right thing.

The boy's mother can tantrum all she likes but it would have been wrong wrong wrong of you to treat two children in your care and not the third. The little boy would have been deeply upset (whether he showed it or not) if you had left him out.

The boy's mum should save her tantrums for things that do matter, and be grateful her son has a stepmum who behaves decently towards him.

I write as a stepmother and a step-grandmother, who always treats every child the same in situations like the one ypu describe.

You wouldn’t have been able to win in this situation. I think you did the right thing, better you get moaned at by mum & th boy wasn’t left out than you get moaned at and he was!

Ask her if she’d prefer you left him home next time.

Hopefully she's feeling a bit of a twat for kicking off about it. She should be. She should apologise to you as well really, but I'd just ignore, forget and move on. Does your Dss have a room at your house or anywhere he could keep a few things of his? Including anything you buy? Although most kids would want to take anything new home to show his mum! And she should be happy you're including him and making him feel equal, the way you clearly are.

OP, you did exactly the right thing. Giving something to two out of three children is always the wrong thing, surely. You can't please all the people all the time but if you pleased your step child that sounds like a win. I was never a massive fan of accumulating kids' tat myself when my child was younger but buying something to commemorate a day out seems important. Might your stepchild be able to have a place at your house to keep his 'treasures' so his mother isn't upset by them? You can't have different rules for kids on a group day out. He's lucky to have you in his life. Keep doing what you're doing, OP.

You absolutely did the right thing and DSS will love you for it! His mother sounds like a right piece of work and would probably have had a go at you if you’d left him out!!

Just ignore the silly cow. What happens on his father’s contact time is up to his father, and that includes being cared for by you in whatever way you see fit. She can ban “tat” from her house if she really wants to (good luck to her with that 😆) but she has no control of what happens at his father’s.

He shares a room with my youngest and has his own area to keep books and toys and such. I treat him exactly like my own boys.

She is unhinged. Tell your DH to sort it out.

I mean some people are petty you are 100% in the right here you were very kind next time she has to say that in front of her son so he knows it’s his mums choice and not his wicked step mum who is denying him some fun , but as she told you now you can’t give him anymore money she is his mum .

You were in loco parentis. That means she gave decision making powers to you.

My step mother would have loved to see me suffer. She would have been furious with my mum and taken it out on me via humiliation.

My mum would have been angry if someone paid for me; she was beyond broke when I was a kid and it would have humiliated her.

I probably would have avoided the shop altogether based on my experiences but don’t at all judge you for being generous and kind.

Leaving him out would have been cruel, but I suspect you can't do right for doing wrong as far as his mum is concerned. You did a good thing.

Encourage the child to keep at your house things he buys when out with you. Yes his mum is unreasonable.

You're a good egg, OP.

You did the right thing.

You’re lovely. Of course you should have given him the money.

Guarantee if you hadn't given him the money she would be kicking off about you being an evil step mother and treating her som differently.
You won't win with her so don't bother trying

Maybe next time tell step son to keep things at yours/his dad's house. I am not sure why she is so annoyed at this as surely you would want him to be treated the same way as his step brothers.

Wow she is massively overreacting. Maybe stuff like that can stay at your in future.