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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it's unfair to sell your home to fund care when older while others pay nothing.

1000 replies

SonnyHoney · 11/04/2026 16:39

I provide healthcare services to older people, which means I regularly visit care homes. It’s something I find quite upsetting at times. I see individuals who have worked hard all their lives, paid off their mortgages, and are now facing care home fees of around £2,000 a week.

Meanwhile, others are living in the same care homes with their costs largely covered, aside from a contribution from their pension.

I say this as someone from a working-class background and daughter of an immigrant (El salvador) who has had to work incredibly hard to get to where I am financially. I’m also very aware that one day my own parents may have to sell their home to fund their care.
My mum, for example, has run a cleaning business for years, she’s up early every morning and has worked long, physically demanding hours. She hopes to pass something on, but realistically, I feel it will likely be used to cover care costs .

Before anyone says “Why don’t you just care for her yourself and keep the house?” And of course, if I’m in a position to do that, I will. But the reality is that with older age, there can come a point where needs become too complex, and care at home is no longer possible.

Obviously, those who don't have houses to sell need care and have to go to a care home, but my point is it just feels unfair, really.

OP posts:
TwinklySquid · 12/04/2026 16:41

I’m not sure how you’d make it fairer. The idea is that those who can pay,do and those that can’t don’t.

I fear this issue is going to get worse. People of my generation (30’s) aren’t going to be able to afford to buy a house. No house, no way to fund care.

So something is going to have to give in the future as otherwise there are going to be a lot of people needing state funded care.

suburburban · 12/04/2026 16:42

Carpedementia · 12/04/2026 14:33

It’s not so much the paying for care as the price and quality of that care. Carehomes shouldn’t be privately run for profit. How can it cost 10000 a month to care for an elderly person? A pet hate for me is that the elderly dont even get tax relief on care fees. They get no help and pay full wack for everything.

Yes good point

Allseeingallknowing · 12/04/2026 16:43

Stirabout · 12/04/2026 16:39

To work it would have to be compulsory
or
we’re back to where we are now,

As I said it would be included in NI or a separate specific tax, graded to income. People who wouldn’t pay it will have to use savings, sell their house etc.

MyLuckyHelper · 12/04/2026 16:44

likelysuspect · 12/04/2026 15:20

I did not say you were doing it backwards, I said in your explanation of why this isnt possible for you NOW you are working backwards and that I was talking about when people start out. Jesus.

I have quite literally no idea what you’re trying to say.

i took from your words that you mean becuase im talking about buying a house AFTER ive had children, ie “backwards” to the traditional route.

if that’s not what you meant, I have literally no clue what you did mean and I’m not sure anyone would have interpreted it any other way. But you definitely forgot you’d used the phrase ‘doing it backwards’ or you’d have given that gobledegook explanation at the start rather than denying you’d said it.

Carpedementia · 12/04/2026 16:44

Needspaceforlego · 12/04/2026 16:30

It will come under the same rules as other care home patients.
You if you have the money to fund it.

I firmly believe all care should be part of the NHS. How many people end up bed blocking because a home can't be found for them, or arguments over funding?

If someone needs care they need it and it should be state funded.

Agreed. There’s no reason why people cant contribute what they would be paying for board food and entertainment but it’s unfair to make some sick people pay for actual care while others don’t have to.

Needspaceforlego · 12/04/2026 16:45

cloudtreecarpet · 12/04/2026 16:40

But for it to be state funded for all we would need to pay much higher taxes which I don't think would be popular either.

With a rapidly growing older population potentially living longer it would cost tax payers an absolute fortune to have free care for all
And some people would get it free and then pass on large amounts of savings and property to their family when they died. That hardly seems fair either does it?

Some people get their cancer palliative care free and never need a care home and pass wads of cash on to their kids too.

Care homes should be state controlled people are making massive profits out of other people's misfortune.

Allisnotlost1 · 12/04/2026 16:45

PartQualifiedAcca · 12/04/2026 15:47

That wasn’t what the post said that got deleted. You made a personal attack which is against Mum’s net rules as is this one so this will be deleted as well.
Not sure how many strikes you get before you’re out, but I would say you’re close to the wind

You keep quoting and reporting, which is very odd to me. It wasn’t a personal attack - I don’t know you so can only comment on what you’ve written 🤷‍♀️- but if you were upset enough to report then I apologise.

To get back on track, you seem to think it’s possible for anyone to save. A simple look around would show it’s not as easy as that, a large proportion of the population have almost none. We now have a very wonky system where some people have unearned assets they want to protect, while some have nothing despite working hard all their life. Wherever you sit on the spectrum it’s obvious that it’s unsustainable and blaming individuals for failing to secure sufficient assets is not going to solve the problem.

Stirabout · 12/04/2026 16:45

MyLuckyHelper · 12/04/2026 16:41

Ah ok that’s not news to me then, I did know that part. I thought the other person was talking about general gifting of assets.

Gifting of assets included
The council still needs to prove its deliberate deprivation of assets.

Im not sure how they can go past ten years anyway. Our bank only keeps up to ten 🤷‍♀️

MyLuckyHelper · 12/04/2026 16:46

TwinklySquid · 12/04/2026 16:41

I’m not sure how you’d make it fairer. The idea is that those who can pay,do and those that can’t don’t.

I fear this issue is going to get worse. People of my generation (30’s) aren’t going to be able to afford to buy a house. No house, no way to fund care.

So something is going to have to give in the future as otherwise there are going to be a lot of people needing state funded care.

Oh whatever you do don’t suggest you can’t buy a house. All you need to do is work 100 hours a day, move to the outer Hebrides and absolutely do not buy an albatross if you live in rented accommodation

Zov · 12/04/2026 16:47

Allisnotlost1 · 12/04/2026 14:21

Great for you that you had spare money to do that. You seem to think it’s a moral achievement on your part though, and it really isn’t. Even a rudimentary understanding of earnings/costs in the past two decades would help you understand it, regardless of your life experiences. Probably 70% of low earners would not be able to reliably afford to save £50 a month, and roughly half of those on middle incomes would struggle to reliably do so every month. And of course it everyone only has one child to save for.

This. ^ privilege is strong with some people here.

Moellen54 · 12/04/2026 16:51

People are mssing the point that these are not hugely wealthy people. They are working class who scrimped and saved to buy a home for security. My parents bought the council house when Dad was made redundant. Had they not they would have got housing benefit for the rent and rates and no doubt other financial help What the house sold for would have paid care home fees for about 6 months Hardly a fortune.

Stirabout · 12/04/2026 16:54

Allseeingallknowing · 12/04/2026 16:43

As I said it would be included in NI or a separate specific tax, graded to income. People who wouldn’t pay it will have to use savings, sell their house etc.

No I wouldn’t include it as a hike on NI payments personally

Id have it as a separate, but compulsory, insurance scheme like other countries do.

alicewhatsthematter · 12/04/2026 16:56

Anyahyacinth · 11/04/2026 18:04

Yeah focus on giving others less, rather than the huge corporations earning so much from these care facilities. You want tent cities like America?

The people distracting and extracting huge wealth from our public services love this..they rely on ill educated ‘oh my neighbour should have less than me or nothing’ thinking

Well done

This

suburburban · 12/04/2026 16:58

Squirrelchops1 · 12/04/2026 08:34

I think this person is likely referring to the terrible abuse of people in care homes in Wales. Read up on Operation Jasmine. Unfortunately they were owned by Asian ( i want to say Indian but may be incorrect) GPs who had the LA over a barrel.

Fortunately there are actually a lot of really good care homes out there too.

Yes sounds very convenient for the council, again using your dm as a cash cow

They do tend to own many of the care homes

Witchlite · 12/04/2026 16:58

I do think the state should cover care for the elderly who can’t afford their own. But… what I object to is that councils refuse to fund adequately. This causes care homes to have one price for private people and one for the council. In reality, the private people are not only paying for all their care (a good argument for this if they can afford it) but cross subsidising the council/free places.

This definitely happens and is the reason some homes have to limit the number of council funded places. This is not fair.

There should be one published price list which all pay for the same service.

Stirabout · 12/04/2026 16:59

RawBloomers · 12/04/2026 16:55

Let’s not forget adult social care also includes the 18-65yr olds
aswel

With About 95% state funded
( figure proven on a previous mn thread )

Allseeingallknowing · 12/04/2026 16:59

Stirabout · 12/04/2026 16:54

No I wouldn’t include it as a hike on NI payments personally

Id have it as a separate, but compulsory, insurance scheme like other countries do.

Wonder why governments haven’t come up with this scheme. It does seem to be a possible solution.

Stirabout · 12/04/2026 17:01

Allseeingallknowing · 12/04/2026 16:59

Wonder why governments haven’t come up with this scheme. It does seem to be a possible solution.

Agree

guessing they are all too scared to lose votes

PartQualifiedAcca · 12/04/2026 17:01

Needspaceforlego · 12/04/2026 16:45

Some people get their cancer palliative care free and never need a care home and pass wads of cash on to their kids too.

Care homes should be state controlled people are making massive profits out of other people's misfortune.

Same with child care, but I have firsthand experience of corrupt charitable childcare facilities
So there’s no easy answer

RawBloomers · 12/04/2026 17:08

Stirabout · 12/04/2026 16:59

Let’s not forget adult social care also includes the 18-65yr olds
aswel

With About 95% state funded
( figure proven on a previous mn thread )

Edited

Not really relevant to the stats I posted.

Symposium123 · 12/04/2026 17:11

I think it’s unfair that those being paid for by the taxpayer should get the same standard of care home as those that are self-funding. The taxpayer should only fund the bare minimum in terms of food, entertainment and amenities, to reflect that it’s a safety net to keep them off the street.

Those self-funding should of course pay for their care… why should others pay for them?

Northernlights19 · 12/04/2026 17:11

Nicewoman · 11/04/2026 22:09

Asian mafia run care homes. Glossy brochures showing Butlins entertainment every night & landscaped gardens. Looks like a spa retreat.

Then the reality is OAP is stuck 24/7 in a room the size of a small cupboard.

They die of dehydration, never get taken to the toilet, fed the worst quality cheap crap food. They are put in bed 24 hours a day with the TV switched on. Never seen by anyone. They can’t move & need assistance to get up to go to the loo or eat.

Relatives then order autopsies to find out why their relative died and turns out the relative wasn’t fed for 3 days, never got taken to the toilet, soiled sheets. All whilst paying £2k a week for residential care.

It turns out 100 OAP residents calling a bell for assistance for them to be taken to the loo or have a meal from a minimum wage Polish girl who doesn’t speak English & fell asleep on her shift as she works 2 overtime shifts and it’s just her in charge of 100 residents.

the “on-call doctor” which is sold as a benefit in care home brochures is in fact any random doctor at the local hospital and they only get called up to take away dead bodies from the residential care home. The local hospital will say they never get called out for routine matters at the care home.

There have been many many documentaries and exposes on care homes in the Uk. They are all rotten.

Meanwhile this country has 3 million vacancies for care home staff.

This is one of the most insane posts I've ever read on MN...and that's saying something!

DotAndCarryOne2 · 12/04/2026 17:15

Northernlights19 · 12/04/2026 17:11

This is one of the most insane posts I've ever read on MN...and that's saying something!

Really ? This is spot on in my experience with several relatives. It’s a money making industry and doesn’t give a crap about the person in care as long as the funding pot keeps going.

Stirabout · 12/04/2026 17:15

Symposium123 · 12/04/2026 17:11

I think it’s unfair that those being paid for by the taxpayer should get the same standard of care home as those that are self-funding. The taxpayer should only fund the bare minimum in terms of food, entertainment and amenities, to reflect that it’s a safety net to keep them off the street.

Those self-funding should of course pay for their care… why should others pay for them?

The council relies on self funders to top up what they pay for counvil funded care as it’s not enough

If there were separate homes for self funders that wouldn’t work for local councils
They want self funders to pay the extra over

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