Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it's unfair to sell your home to fund care when older while others pay nothing.

1000 replies

SonnyHoney · 11/04/2026 16:39

I provide healthcare services to older people, which means I regularly visit care homes. It’s something I find quite upsetting at times. I see individuals who have worked hard all their lives, paid off their mortgages, and are now facing care home fees of around £2,000 a week.

Meanwhile, others are living in the same care homes with their costs largely covered, aside from a contribution from their pension.

I say this as someone from a working-class background and daughter of an immigrant (El salvador) who has had to work incredibly hard to get to where I am financially. I’m also very aware that one day my own parents may have to sell their home to fund their care.
My mum, for example, has run a cleaning business for years, she’s up early every morning and has worked long, physically demanding hours. She hopes to pass something on, but realistically, I feel it will likely be used to cover care costs .

Before anyone says “Why don’t you just care for her yourself and keep the house?” And of course, if I’m in a position to do that, I will. But the reality is that with older age, there can come a point where needs become too complex, and care at home is no longer possible.

Obviously, those who don't have houses to sell need care and have to go to a care home, but my point is it just feels unfair, really.

OP posts:
MontythePrince · 11/04/2026 22:00

It feels very unfair. I think it is ok to use some of the value of the house for care but it should be capped at no more than a quarter, and the rest of the value left as inheritance or distributed as the house owner wishes

BIossomtoes · 11/04/2026 22:01

SouthernNights59 · 11/04/2026 21:58

By the time someone is at the stage where they need care then they are really not going to be needing their money for much else. Why shouldn't their money be used to pay for their care in a home? People who bleat about this usually mean "why can't they hold onto their money so I can inherit it". As for suggesting the state pay, do you think there is a bottomless money pit?

This. If you’re in a care home you no longer need your house.

BoyMumNurse · 11/04/2026 22:01

tell her to sell it to you for £10. perfectly legal

Seeingadistance · 11/04/2026 22:01

Anon501178 · 11/04/2026 21:01

When my dad passed away my mum was advised by her financial advisor to put half of her house in my name as inheritance to avoid all of the value of it being eaten up in care costs if she ever has to go into a care home.

Edited

Unless this happened when your mum was a relatively young woman and in good health, this was bad advice. If this transfer of ownership happened when she was already elderly or otherwise could be predicted to need care, then this will be considered deprivation of assets and she will be treated as the sole owner of the house.

drippingsap · 11/04/2026 22:03

House prices are completely disproportional to salaries which is one reason why people feel they should leave an inheritance for their offspring.

Northernlights19 · 11/04/2026 22:08

Choux · 11/04/2026 19:42

That’s definitely unfair. And it’s also unfair that as a self funding dementia resident you pay more than the council pays for the residents it funds.

A terminally ill cancer patient gets all their treatment and care funded. A dementia patient with money has to pay for their care AND subsidise the cost of the non paying residents. I reckon my mum is paying c£20k a year subsidy for people funded by the council. That’s despicable. Care homes should be legally forced to have one price for all residents whether council or self funding.

It's not the care homes setting the local authority rate, it's the local authorities themselves

Nicewoman · 11/04/2026 22:09

Gloriia · 11/04/2026 18:20

Care home owners drive round in top of the range cars and live in huge houses. Staff get paid peanuts. There is something very wrong with the whole set up.

Asian mafia run care homes. Glossy brochures showing Butlins entertainment every night & landscaped gardens. Looks like a spa retreat.

Then the reality is OAP is stuck 24/7 in a room the size of a small cupboard.

They die of dehydration, never get taken to the toilet, fed the worst quality cheap crap food. They are put in bed 24 hours a day with the TV switched on. Never seen by anyone. They can’t move & need assistance to get up to go to the loo or eat.

Relatives then order autopsies to find out why their relative died and turns out the relative wasn’t fed for 3 days, never got taken to the toilet, soiled sheets. All whilst paying £2k a week for residential care.

It turns out 100 OAP residents calling a bell for assistance for them to be taken to the loo or have a meal from a minimum wage Polish girl who doesn’t speak English & fell asleep on her shift as she works 2 overtime shifts and it’s just her in charge of 100 residents.

the “on-call doctor” which is sold as a benefit in care home brochures is in fact any random doctor at the local hospital and they only get called up to take away dead bodies from the residential care home. The local hospital will say they never get called out for routine matters at the care home.

There have been many many documentaries and exposes on care homes in the Uk. They are all rotten.

Meanwhile this country has 3 million vacancies for care home staff.

Peachy13 · 11/04/2026 22:10

Madmoomoo · 11/04/2026 17:11

I’m in the middle of this at the moment. My Mum has been in a care home for over 5 years self funding. She was in need of complex care and we were spending £6000 a month on carers coming in to her home. We got to a crisis point and she agreed to have a week in a nice care home. Well she loved it, she felt safer, it was like being in a 5* hotel with fantastic care. If I’m honest I didn’t think she had much time left so I wanted her to have the best care possible. At that point the care home was £6500 per month. Over the subsequent years the price rose to an eye watering £9000 per month. Last year I made the difficult decision to move her to a different care home, still nice but not the same. I’m now in contact with the council to help with the fees and it isn’t pleasant. I don’t begrudge paying the fees but they want me personally to contribute now and I just can’t/wont, I need to put my children and my family first.

In retrospect I should have picked a cheaper care home, but even the dr’s didn’t think she had long left! I don’t honestly know what will happen next. The current home has just raised its fees by 10% and I can’t imagine the council are going to fund that!

I think people don't realise how tricky this aspect of self funding is - care home fees are so high capital from an average home is used up quickly...It can then be a battle to get the council to fund and if you've picked that 5 star care home it is highly unlikely they'll let you stay.

My Grandma is self-funding. My mum picked the cheapest care home she thought provided reasonable care, (where she knew there were large amounts of council-funded residents) so my grandma would not have to move to a different home when money ran out. Money is about to run out and the care home are reluctant to keep her because they get more from a self funding resident than the council pays - SS are dragging their heels about sorting it and ensuring payment will be covered -asking for other funding streams (like my parents WTF??) and whilst all this is going on my Grandma has racked up several thousand of debt because the self pay fees are higher than the council fees, so even if the council back pay, money will be outstanding (which the children (my mum, who really can't afford it) will be expected to cover)....So actually those who have been sensible and tried to make provision for their children have actually inadvertently got them into debt -Make it make sense!

BIossomtoes · 11/04/2026 22:12

Meanwhile this country has 3 million vacancies for care home staff.

111,000 across the entire spectrum of adult social care actually. The rest of that post is a load of old bollocks too.

suburburban · 11/04/2026 22:14

Nicewoman · 11/04/2026 22:09

Asian mafia run care homes. Glossy brochures showing Butlins entertainment every night & landscaped gardens. Looks like a spa retreat.

Then the reality is OAP is stuck 24/7 in a room the size of a small cupboard.

They die of dehydration, never get taken to the toilet, fed the worst quality cheap crap food. They are put in bed 24 hours a day with the TV switched on. Never seen by anyone. They can’t move & need assistance to get up to go to the loo or eat.

Relatives then order autopsies to find out why their relative died and turns out the relative wasn’t fed for 3 days, never got taken to the toilet, soiled sheets. All whilst paying £2k a week for residential care.

It turns out 100 OAP residents calling a bell for assistance for them to be taken to the loo or have a meal from a minimum wage Polish girl who doesn’t speak English & fell asleep on her shift as she works 2 overtime shifts and it’s just her in charge of 100 residents.

the “on-call doctor” which is sold as a benefit in care home brochures is in fact any random doctor at the local hospital and they only get called up to take away dead bodies from the residential care home. The local hospital will say they never get called out for routine matters at the care home.

There have been many many documentaries and exposes on care homes in the Uk. They are all rotten.

Meanwhile this country has 3 million vacancies for care home staff.

Yes I thought it would be the case.

why has this even been allowed

Nicewoman · 11/04/2026 22:14

CIaudetheCat · 11/04/2026 18:13

If you want residential/nursing care to be free for everyone, we would all need to pay more tax. Would you be happy with that instead?

The vast majority of elderly live in their own homes until death.

We need to pay less tax in this country, not more tax

People need to learn personal responsibility & not constantly expect the state to bail them out all the time.

drippingsap · 11/04/2026 22:18

pay, money will be outstanding (which the children (my mum, who really can't afford it) will be expected to cover).

Why are children expected to cover it?

JudyBlumesBlubber · 11/04/2026 22:19

Totally agree OP.
The system penalises those who are cautious and save, over those who spend their money on holidays,
cars and living well, or in future, live abroad in tax efficient havens before coming back to the UK when they need care.
I speak from experience sadly that the care system is a joke.

drippingsap · 11/04/2026 22:19

The vast majority of elderly live in their own homes until death.

Which still costs the state….

We need to pay less tax in this country, not more tax

Not unless people change their expectations of public services!

BIossomtoes · 11/04/2026 22:19

why has this even been allowed

It hasn’t. It’s made up.

topcat2026 · 11/04/2026 22:19

LlamaBasket · 11/04/2026 19:56

Well because of the unfair system, that’s exactly what I’m doing. Blowing my money, year on year having £20,000 worth of holidays annually. Because there is no way I’m working my whole life, just to save, so I can pay for my own care and the care of others in my old age.

I’m the same. Life is for living, not ending up in a care home that I’ve been forced to pay for as well as the care of the state-funders.

Happyholidays78 · 11/04/2026 22:19

drippingsap · 11/04/2026 22:18

pay, money will be outstanding (which the children (my mum, who really can't afford it) will be expected to cover).

Why are children expected to cover it?

It's called a third party top up & means the council will only pay x amount so another person (not the person in the home) has to pay the difference OR the person had to move to a cheaper home.

Happyjoe · 11/04/2026 22:20

It's very unfair imo. I agree with contributing up to a point and I had hoped the cap would've come in, but it was scrapped.

Happyholidays78 · 11/04/2026 22:21

Nicewoman · 11/04/2026 22:09

Asian mafia run care homes. Glossy brochures showing Butlins entertainment every night & landscaped gardens. Looks like a spa retreat.

Then the reality is OAP is stuck 24/7 in a room the size of a small cupboard.

They die of dehydration, never get taken to the toilet, fed the worst quality cheap crap food. They are put in bed 24 hours a day with the TV switched on. Never seen by anyone. They can’t move & need assistance to get up to go to the loo or eat.

Relatives then order autopsies to find out why their relative died and turns out the relative wasn’t fed for 3 days, never got taken to the toilet, soiled sheets. All whilst paying £2k a week for residential care.

It turns out 100 OAP residents calling a bell for assistance for them to be taken to the loo or have a meal from a minimum wage Polish girl who doesn’t speak English & fell asleep on her shift as she works 2 overtime shifts and it’s just her in charge of 100 residents.

the “on-call doctor” which is sold as a benefit in care home brochures is in fact any random doctor at the local hospital and they only get called up to take away dead bodies from the residential care home. The local hospital will say they never get called out for routine matters at the care home.

There have been many many documentaries and exposes on care homes in the Uk. They are all rotten.

Meanwhile this country has 3 million vacancies for care home staff.

Scaremongering nonsense 🙄

UnhappyHobbit · 11/04/2026 22:21

You’re not unreasonable.

The current system is not made for the hard savers and the sensible. A hard lesson for us all to learn at the end. Do what my family members did, sell up, blow it all and let the state look after you.

Seeingadistance · 11/04/2026 22:21

drippingsap · 11/04/2026 22:19

The vast majority of elderly live in their own homes until death.

Which still costs the state….

We need to pay less tax in this country, not more tax

Not unless people change their expectations of public services!

How does it cost the state for people to live in their own homes until they die?

drippingsap · 11/04/2026 22:21

@Happyholidays78 thanks, I thought you meant there was zero choice in keeping them there which confused me.

drippingsap · 11/04/2026 22:23

@Seeingadistance do you not realise some of these people require care in the home? Far more than go into care homes & unlike care homes house value is excluded from eligibility criteria.

Friendlygingercat · 11/04/2026 22:28

Its the same kind of unfairness that penalises people who have a very modest occupational pension versus those who never saved a penny or pissed their money up the wall and get pension credit. The system itself is deeply corrupt. It penalises the hardworking and rewards the indigent.

likelysuspect · 11/04/2026 22:29

drippingsap · 11/04/2026 22:23

@Seeingadistance do you not realise some of these people require care in the home? Far more than go into care homes & unlike care homes house value is excluded from eligibility criteria.

Edited

Its about 10% if you're talking about formal care provided by providers rather than ad hoc family and friends support. Not huge numbers

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread