Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Think That DD School Are Covering Up Teacher’s Unprofessional Behavior

304 replies

MrsJLL · 11/04/2026 14:27

DD is age 10. She bright and sporty. Very sociable, happy at school and doing really well.

I was recently at the school gates waiting to collect her. The mums tend to stand around chatting in little groups.

I was stood close by to many other mums but was just checking something on my phone so was alone but only about 1 to 2 meters away from everyone else.

A teacher approached me and unbelievably announced within earshot of the many of other mums that she has diagnosed my daughter with ADHD because apparently she acts like the “other ADHD” kids that this teacher knows

I was really shocked and upset as we have never had any SEND contact and this teacher is just a class teacher. Other mums definitely heard what the teacher said and also saw me being upset. The teacher then walked off after I got upset and refused to elaborate.

I subsequently made a complaint to the Headmistress about the teachers conduct and the fact she had discussed sensitive medical information in a public place, thereby breaching data protection /GDPR.

The response came back from the head that the teacher was not acting on behalf of the school when she said those things to but was speaking in her own capacity and on her own behalf.

Therefore, whilst it was regrettable, she hasn’t done anything wrong and neither has she breached any data protection laws because the information she gave me about her opinion of my daughter’s mental health was not the “official view of the school” so it doesn’t matter that it was overheard by various people.

The Head then reiterated how confident they are in this teacher’s professionalism.

That is apparently the end of the matter as far as the Head is concerned.

it has really upset me and I feel like the school are covering up for this teacher.

AIBU?

what should I do next?

OP posts:
neverbeenskiing · 12/04/2026 19:33

MrsJLL · 12/04/2026 17:58

Thank you for all the responses

to clarify because the same questions have been asked a few times.

  • No, we have no personal relationship with this teacher inside or outside of school. I have only said a brief hello to her a couple of times. Literally “hello” in passing and one prior brief chat where she came across, sorry for my French like a sly bitch, to put it mildly. just seems like an unpleasant woman to be honest from that prior chat, which is why I think this incident was designed to upset and embarrass me and my DD. It would be in keeping.
  • Hence why “speaking in a personal capacity” just sounds like BS to me. We have no personal relationship and this occurred on school grounds with her speaking to me about what she had observed in the classroom. That cannot be “personal capacity” surely?
  • the teacher is a full time employee of the school.
  • I have already complained in writing to the head, stating breach of school policy, data protection and teaching standards. It is this written complaint which has been dismissed other than to say “sorry for any distressed caused” or words to that effect
  • the next stage in the schools complaint process is a governors complaint. The head has effectively dared us to do that.
  • we like the school a lot and want to keep on good terms with them so this is a shame this has happened. We don’t want a running. Style with the school or make DD a target but they have not addressed this properly so far!
  • my DD and the teacher don’t get on because my DD doesn’t enjoy her subject (music). Then teacher is quite well known for being grumpy (other parents have mentioned it) but DD will mention to her if spoken to rudely and point out the teachers rudeness. Hence historic friction. But I don’t see that as any major issue and have never mentioned it to school, DD has just grumbled about it a few times but no big deal IMO.

So if the next stage of the Complaints Policy is to contact the Govenors, why not just do that?

Honestly, some of the responses on this thread (telling you to contact your MP, bombard members of staff who weren't even involved with deliberately excessive communications and demands, go to the local press, even one poster telling you to go the Police!!) are hugely over the top.

I think the Teacher handled the situation badly and you have every right to escalate you complaint to the Govenors, as per the official complaints procedure. But before you do, OP, you need to think about what outcome would actually satisfy you. Decide what you would like the school to do in order to rectify the situation and restore your trust, and include that in your email to the Govenors. That would be a reasonable and proportionate response to the situation.

ThriveAT · 12/04/2026 19:53

DeftWasp · 12/04/2026 17:58

Well it is, having spent many years in schools, don't underestimate the effect complaints have on the pupil.

It will be discussed in the staffroom, the parent will get a name for being a pain and before long little Johnny or Jane won't be getting selected for things in case mum makes a fuss.

You have to pick your battles - in this case the action can't be undone, the sensible course of action would be to arrange a proper meeting to discuss the teachers concern about ADHD, at which point mum can undrline the fact that she doesn't want DC's education discussed at the school gates, firm but fair going forwards.

The voice of reason and common sense.

Seelybe · 12/04/2026 22:01

DeftWasp · 12/04/2026 17:58

Well it is, having spent many years in schools, don't underestimate the effect complaints have on the pupil.

It will be discussed in the staffroom, the parent will get a name for being a pain and before long little Johnny or Jane won't be getting selected for things in case mum makes a fuss.

You have to pick your battles - in this case the action can't be undone, the sensible course of action would be to arrange a proper meeting to discuss the teachers concern about ADHD, at which point mum can undrline the fact that she doesn't want DC's education discussed at the school gates, firm but fair going forwards.

@DeftWasp this paints teachers in a very poor light.
There is no question whatsoever that @MrsJLL has a very valid complaint that the head has brushed off.
Any professional teacher would not condone an incident like this and would want it addressed equally professionally. Disadvantaging a child because of a parental complaint would be a disgrace.

Floatingdownriver · 12/04/2026 22:05

Her delivery was unfortunate…

So everyone here thinks the best course of action is to weigh TEACHERS down with policy and look for the way to complain? Not just let them teach and find out a bit more about what’s going on with your kid?
no wonder we have a SEND crisis on our hands. Teacher are dammed if they do and dammed if they don’t and then countless precious hours are spent responding to complaints and NOT helping kids who need it.

Candy24 · 12/04/2026 22:07

Floatingdownriver · 12/04/2026 22:05

Her delivery was unfortunate…

So everyone here thinks the best course of action is to weigh TEACHERS down with policy and look for the way to complain? Not just let them teach and find out a bit more about what’s going on with your kid?
no wonder we have a SEND crisis on our hands. Teacher are dammed if they do and dammed if they don’t and then countless precious hours are spent responding to complaints and NOT helping kids who need it.

Discussing it at gate was totally inappropriate

bigboykitty · 12/04/2026 22:14

Floatingdownriver · 12/04/2026 22:05

Her delivery was unfortunate…

So everyone here thinks the best course of action is to weigh TEACHERS down with policy and look for the way to complain? Not just let them teach and find out a bit more about what’s going on with your kid?
no wonder we have a SEND crisis on our hands. Teacher are dammed if they do and dammed if they don’t and then countless precious hours are spent responding to complaints and NOT helping kids who need it.

It's very obvious to a lot of people on this thread, including plenty of teachers, that her behaviour was really inappropriate and needs to be addressed

Huckleberryfinnfluff · 12/04/2026 22:23

Em1972 · 12/04/2026 18:51

So sorry you had this experience. Schools will very often cover up for awful behaviour of a teacher. They'll hide behind 'it didn't happen at school so it's not our problem'.

It's a cop out. That teacher represents the school in everything she does, and everywhere she goes.

We know of a teacher at a private school who bullied, belittled, and swore at children. She did it at an outside school club, and even though there were kids in that club from her school, they had a similar response. It did get a lot worse, but that's for another day.

Schools defend these awful teachers, probably because they don't want the bad publicity. The school we know about was recently taken over, and it seems they want to brush it under the carpet as well.

Is that the private school losing pupils hand over fist and being turned into a nursery?

If it’s the same one I have been told she referred to a pupil as a w**ker - was this taken up by the TRA?

Private schools are so desperate to cover up stuff to protect their reputation- it’s frankly disgusting

Huckleberryfinnfluff · 12/04/2026 22:27

Totally unprofessional behaviour and you deserve a prompt and full apology - not a cover up

CinnamonBuns67 · 12/04/2026 22:50

Yanbu OP. A similar thing happened of my DD's regarding a private medical issue the teacher decided to very loudly make comments about it in the playground. I pulled her up on it there and then and then she tried to deny she'd even said it. Senco and headteacher were equally useless. So I get it OP it's awful and unfortunately it does happen where professionals act so unprofessionally and the senior staff just backs them. I'm so glad my child is in a different school now and my youngest won't be setting foot in that school.

Em1972 · 13/04/2026 00:21

Huckleberryfinnfluff · 12/04/2026 22:23

Is that the private school losing pupils hand over fist and being turned into a nursery?

If it’s the same one I have been told she referred to a pupil as a w**ker - was this taken up by the TRA?

Private schools are so desperate to cover up stuff to protect their reputation- it’s frankly disgusting

Yes. School has been taken over by the ILG who seem to be a nursery based business. I can see why financially.

Em1972 · 13/04/2026 00:23

Em1972 · 13/04/2026 00:21

Yes. School has been taken over by the ILG who seem to be a nursery based business. I can see why financially.

And yes, that teacher sent a message to the parent referring to their child as a wanker. And the school refused to apologise.

Huckleberryfinnfluff · 13/04/2026 08:15

CinnamonBuns67 · 12/04/2026 22:50

Yanbu OP. A similar thing happened of my DD's regarding a private medical issue the teacher decided to very loudly make comments about it in the playground. I pulled her up on it there and then and then she tried to deny she'd even said it. Senco and headteacher were equally useless. So I get it OP it's awful and unfortunately it does happen where professionals act so unprofessionally and the senior staff just backs them. I'm so glad my child is in a different school now and my youngest won't be setting foot in that school.

It’s just disgusting when schools cover up professional misconduct and tells you everything you need to know about that school you are doing the right thing avoiding it - what else are they covering up?

Huckleberryfinnfluff · 13/04/2026 08:18

Em1972 · 13/04/2026 00:23

And yes, that teacher sent a message to the parent referring to their child as a wanker. And the school refused to apologise.

The lack of apology is awful especially if it was a text message as no ambiguity as to whether it happened or not. Makes you ask the question what else has gone on. You’d expect better of the GDST maybe the poor leadership was why it was sold off

Em1972 · 13/04/2026 08:26

Huckleberryfinnfluff · 13/04/2026 08:15

It’s just disgusting when schools cover up professional misconduct and tells you everything you need to know about that school you are doing the right thing avoiding it - what else are they covering up?

Precisely. When a school spends more resources on the cover up than dealing with the problem, what else have they been covering up??

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 13/04/2026 08:28

I'm not sure on the data protection breach but the teachers behaviour is definitely inappropriate. Surely there is a policy for investigating and raising concerns about a pupils behaviour eg observation, feedback to parents, SENCO involvement, evidence, meetings with parents, recommendation for assessment. Yelling it without warning in a playground is awful, even if no other parents had overheard. To me, this and the potential data protection breach are two separate issues.

And the school are being ridiculous with the 'she was acting in a personal capacity' response, she clearly wasn't (talking to a parent at home time in school grounds about a pupil that she doesn't know outside school). Most employers have a code of conduct, and wouldn't accept it was OK for an employee to say something to a colleague or customer on the way out of the workplace that it isn't OK to say within the workplace, on the basis that it's after official clocking off time so it's nothing to do with them. People are disciplined because of opinions they put on social media in a personal capacity

godmum56 · 13/04/2026 09:38

Floatingdownriver · 12/04/2026 22:05

Her delivery was unfortunate…

So everyone here thinks the best course of action is to weigh TEACHERS down with policy and look for the way to complain? Not just let them teach and find out a bit more about what’s going on with your kid?
no wonder we have a SEND crisis on our hands. Teacher are dammed if they do and dammed if they don’t and then countless precious hours are spent responding to complaints and NOT helping kids who need it.

She has no professional training or qualification to support her making such a comment to a parent. "Like other children I know" means nothing, zip, zero.

Her delivery wasn't unfortunate it was unprofessional and a breach of professional requirement.

There is a proper process to go through in such circumstances, you DO NOT just drive a truck through the process.

godmum56 · 13/04/2026 09:40

Candy24 · 12/04/2026 22:07

Discussing it at gate was totally inappropriate

Discussing it with parents AT ALL on the basis of "she is like other children I know" when the teacher has no SEND training or qualification is also totally immappropriate.

saraclara · 13/04/2026 10:32

DD will mention to her if spoken to rudely and point out the teachers rudeness.

Hang on, @MrsJLL . Your DD answers the teacher back, and tells her that she's rude?
It's not surprising that they don't get on then. Why on earth have you not told your daughter that she cannot do that?

The teacher was entirely in the wrong for approaching you as she did, but you really need to have a word with your daughter about how she speaks to the teacher.

Candy24 · 13/04/2026 10:33

godmum56 · 13/04/2026 09:40

Discussing it with parents AT ALL on the basis of "she is like other children I know" when the teacher has no SEND training or qualification is also totally immappropriate.

This too

SoTiredNeedHoliday · 13/04/2026 13:22

@MrsJLL Do update us as you go. I have two SEND children, and I understand how this must have felt, but more so understand how unprofessional this was, and I would be complaining until I get heard & have a reasonable response. I would ahve been devastated to hear the school thought there was an issue like ADHD loudly and in the playground with no support, advice or followup suggested.

Exactly what I had to do the entire way through the schooling system to advocate for my two children (both at uni now) ..... schools will try and shut you down if that's the easy option for them.

Voneska · 13/04/2026 16:21

Not being funny but due to similar experience ,to you, you will not get anywhere. But if I was YOU I woukd henceforth have a fantastic time , from now on' playing a part' ...... disguise the fact that YOU are hight P *sed OFF. Then start enquiring with the school , the well being of your child. Tell them you want to call a meeting and become intensely interested in the so called diagnoses of your child, in that YOU want to be involved and sit in all assessments etc. Nothing must take place without your presence. Start being a right Pain in the ASS . With your attention to detail. Disagree eith them, challenge them at every stage. Part of the reason I think this is in order is because I believe that schools are on the lookout for LABELS. For children. If they can put a label on someone then they can apply for extra funding for that child. You will win but not in the way you think.

EwwPeople · 13/04/2026 16:50

Voneska · 13/04/2026 16:21

Not being funny but due to similar experience ,to you, you will not get anywhere. But if I was YOU I woukd henceforth have a fantastic time , from now on' playing a part' ...... disguise the fact that YOU are hight P *sed OFF. Then start enquiring with the school , the well being of your child. Tell them you want to call a meeting and become intensely interested in the so called diagnoses of your child, in that YOU want to be involved and sit in all assessments etc. Nothing must take place without your presence. Start being a right Pain in the ASS . With your attention to detail. Disagree eith them, challenge them at every stage. Part of the reason I think this is in order is because I believe that schools are on the lookout for LABELS. For children. If they can put a label on someone then they can apply for extra funding for that child. You will win but not in the way you think.

That’s really , really not how it works.

FreddysFingers · 13/04/2026 17:26

Report to Ofsfed.

nomas · 13/04/2026 17:31

saraclara · 13/04/2026 10:32

DD will mention to her if spoken to rudely and point out the teachers rudeness.

Hang on, @MrsJLL . Your DD answers the teacher back, and tells her that she's rude?
It's not surprising that they don't get on then. Why on earth have you not told your daughter that she cannot do that?

The teacher was entirely in the wrong for approaching you as she did, but you really need to have a word with your daughter about how she speaks to the teacher.

Sounds like the dd is right, the teacher is rude. DD should complain to her form tutor and Headteacher and mum every time.

Em1972 · 13/04/2026 19:54

FreddysFingers · 13/04/2026 17:26

Report to Ofsfed.

How do you do that? Is the TRA worth contacting as well?

Asking for both this poster and friends of ours with another teacher problem.