AIBU to be firmer with MIL about childcare and screen rules?

[SMLSML]

I know I'll probably get flamed for this but not sure how to handle it. My MIL looks after our youngest whilst I work from home. She also has our eldest in the holidays. We've had this arrangement for 5 years now. There's a few things I let slide as it's grandparents and free childcare but lately we've been having a few issues with screens, a couple of months ago my eldest said 'mummy nanny put a different version on paw patrol on and it scared me' I asked my MIL and she said she'd put it on on YouTube. I said ah okay, probably isn't the licensed real version, can we just do the netflix one from now on. She struggles to work our TV sometimes so cut to today, brushing my little ones teeth and she says nanny put the scary version of paw patrol on again. I know she's meaning no harm, I was on a lot of meetings today and she probably didn't want to disturb me but this is now the 4th time it's happened 🙃 do I just need to be super forceful with her? There's a few other things as well as my eldest grows are tricky to navigate, like teaching her 'na na na na na' and sticking her fingers in your ears like when you're making fun of someone, just odd behaviour and I don't know why she encourages it. I've voiced my concern and option on bits like this but it falls on deaf ears. Any advice much appreciated. This has all been discussed with my husband and he agrees with it too, we don't want to upset her but equally feel we can't let it slide anymore...

As others have suggested buy an ipad and set it up for her to use with your kids.

That. Even if it's free childcare you still have a responsibility to ensure basic safety.

I don't understand what's happening with the Paw Patrol that your DC is having to tell you she was scared? I'd have thought that when the wrong one was put on and your child was frightened, she'd tell her Grandma, who would turn it off? Is MiL insisting they watch? Or leaving them alone to watch? It would worry me more that there wasn't sufficient communication between her and my child that these things couldn't be resolved at the time without my DC having to report back to me they were scared. Which is a bigger problem than screens.

I wouldnt be leaving my child with someone who isn't all there, even if it was free. She can't work the TV and she's not noticing that it's a scary version of paw patrol when they're "cuddling up to watch it"? For real?

get an iPad for your house , set it up with suitable apps/ controls and make it idiot proof .

That’s a good point. If cuddling /watching she would know it’s a scary one

equally what a 5yr may call scary isn’t why we would and it’s not a dodgy episode

A 5 yo can easily use Netflix so why does nanny need to put on things?

So she can cuddle him an watch together but obv not or she would see the scary show

i love a snuggle with mini blondes but equally quite happy for her to watch something on the iPad and I get 30 mins of peace

Lots of good advice here but I wanted to add one more bit.

Sometime people think they have asked for something (you) but they have tried to be so polite and inoffensive that the actual message gets lost. Do you think she has heard and understood your requests? It might be time to be more clear and direct!

She also sounds a bit daft.

Your post was a bit misleading. Almost everyone assumed full time care. Responses might have been different if full facts were known from the off.

When she comes set ur tv up with something on already and check in to change it if needed throughout the day

or explain the issue and ask for the iPad and set it up? Or go on YouTube app on the history to find what they have watched and block the weird stuff

Not sure here but I really can’t be arsed messing around trying to get TVs to work in my family’s houses. Same with their washing machine to be honest. Don’t think I’m demented yet.

Difficulty with technology - understandable.
Showing dodgy Internet content more than once to a small child - extremely questionable.

It could happen to any of us once (I remember the horrible fake Peppa Pigs from when DD was a toddler).

However, if this has happened more than once and she's still producing the ipad and won't use any alternatives, you have to stop this arrangement and have her only come when you are there.

It also concerns me that it was left up to your child to tell you. Suggesting MIL wouldn't have told you.

This set up isn't fair on either the child OR grandparent.
Your child needs to be in an educational setting, learning things and being with other children. Grandparent is obviously struggling with looking after your child for so long so is raising an ipad child...

I’m not sure I could lose sleep over any of this. It might be she’s looked for paw patrol on YouTube and some fake/scary version has come on accidentally. Unless your child is saying they are sitting watching it for hours. Speak to her about it and show her how to find the proper version.

I am a grandma who looks after a child, but I work full time also (condensed hours). As a grandparent, although I love my grandchild, it is still hard work, being at work is easier! I’d suggest you suck it up, if you want to maintain your cushty situation.

Out of interest would you want your grandchild who you look after on a regular basis to be frightened whilst in your care (with or without your knowledge) and for nothing to be done about it because the set up is “cushty”

I completely understand that there are some things you kind of just accept when other people are looking after your child and yes the OP gets ONE day in TEN free childcare which the OP states the MIL is keen to do and happy with. The bottom line is I would be mortified if I was looking after someone else’s kid and something that I was letting / making them watch was frightening them. Especially with what has been said previously on this thread re deepfakes of other cartoons.

i do think more info needed re what is actually happening at the time - is dgc telling grandmother their upset / is this being ignored or is the show immediately being turned off - how genuinely distressed is dc - are they reporting it in a nonchalant kind of daily report way kids do about everything that happens in the day or is it making them very upset? Have you actually seen scary paw patrol yourself/ have you asked MIL or dc what exactly it is that’s scaring your child.

I couldn’t get too worked up over the fingers in ears na na na na na nana thing @SMLSML but I do think easiest way to resolve other issue as many others have said is just give her your own IPad with approved shows on to watch only and say no YouTube please for safety reasons. If this doesn’t work then you need to work out how much of an issue it is and if you really want to think about alternative childcare arrangements which would be an extreme step in my view unless you dc is v distressed and you know that it really is inappropriate content

I'm a nana and look after my grandchildren fairly often. Once this week. 3 times next week. I love it if my daughter can make the TV as easy as possible to operate. I try very hard to follow their rules. I would of been so annoyed if my mother had gone against mine when my kids were younger. So remove youtube. Have a chat with her .. my daughters have been very clear with me and I've never taken offence ... boundaries and respect

If you pay for childcare you dont have this issue.

Have you actually asked her to show you this ‘scary paw patrol’ to see what it actually is?

Why don’t you have your ipad ready on what your kids want to watch and then she can click ok in Disney plus or Netflix? No issues for not official cartoons/ads etc.

Yes! Lots of children find some episodes scary. Obviously this child does not find it too scary to ask for it again! I wonder if nanny is only showing the proper one!

@Imicolathis ⬆️

From your original post it sounded like she was your childcare 5 days a week.

It won't be long till your child can work it all for her, so maybe supply a set of instructions until then.