AIBU to be firmer with MIL about childcare and screen rules?

[SMLSML]

I know I'll probably get flamed for this but not sure how to handle it. My MIL looks after our youngest whilst I work from home. She also has our eldest in the holidays. We've had this arrangement for 5 years now. There's a few things I let slide as it's grandparents and free childcare but lately we've been having a few issues with screens, a couple of months ago my eldest said 'mummy nanny put a different version on paw patrol on and it scared me' I asked my MIL and she said she'd put it on on YouTube. I said ah okay, probably isn't the licensed real version, can we just do the netflix one from now on. She struggles to work our TV sometimes so cut to today, brushing my little ones teeth and she says nanny put the scary version of paw patrol on again. I know she's meaning no harm, I was on a lot of meetings today and she probably didn't want to disturb me but this is now the 4th time it's happened 🙃 do I just need to be super forceful with her? There's a few other things as well as my eldest grows are tricky to navigate, like teaching her 'na na na na na' and sticking her fingers in your ears like when you're making fun of someone, just odd behaviour and I don't know why she encourages it. I've voiced my concern and option on bits like this but it falls on deaf ears. Any advice much appreciated. This has all been discussed with my husband and he agrees with it too, we don't want to upset her but equally feel we can't let it slide anymore...

You tube stuff definitely needs a bit of work. I’m sure she’s unaware of the dangers and modern TVs are ridiculously complicated. Good suggestions here to use to resolve both issues. Nanana complaining is beyond pathetic and I suspect you are the same with a few harmless fun stuffs that your MIL does that your children love. She cannot duplicate you which is what you seem to want. As suggested you could pay for childcare but your kids would not get the loving one to one attention they get from MIL, a lot less flexibility, get called as soon as they look a bit ill and the possibility of something worse if you read about the albeit unusual abuse. Your MIL is a saint. Maybe it is too much for her but she won’t give up because she suspects it’s the only way she’ll see her grandkid’s regularly as you don’t sound like you’ll make much of an effort to see her if you weren’t getting free childcare,

You could install Netflix onto her iPad and sign in with your account?

To clarify, it's one day every other week she has them, they're in nursery the rest of the time to everyone saying she's saving us thousands of pounds. I really appreciate her doing it and she knows this

What a drip!

So this is once a fortnight. Fgs, just record some programmes that day for her. I mean what a palaver over one day a fortnight 😁

And your eldest during the school holidays?

Well YANBU if it’s one day every other week, it sounded like it was every day. Show her again how to get Netflix on or ask her to download Netflix on her iPad.

I think a lot of responders here aren't getting how bad some of this fake content is.

I would want to see the scary paw patrol with my own eyes.
Some fake content is terrifying / deeply disturbing.

Teach her and your 5yo how to put paw patrol on TV.
Write / print clear instructions and laminate it and keep it in lounge.
Then she has zero excuse

And tell her she is not to bring fucking ipads into the house.

I have no clue why any one is voting yabu.

We had this with in laws but worse than paw patrol. We told them DC aren’t allowed to watch stuff on phones and aren’t allowed to watch YouTube. Lots of arguments later and it’s finally sunk in, but they don’t provide regular child care, just ad hoc.

Just tell her that sometimes people who are wankers put inappropriate content in kids cartoons on YouTube and it's not safe. My daughter was watching a cute cartoon with a teddy in it. It was all PG and then the teddy started stabbing people and everything it killed someone in grow bigger. I was in the room and turned it off but by then they'd already seen teddy kill a few other toys. Explain that it's not regulated and not safe. Then teach your kid how to turn on paw patrol and leave instructions for grandma or leave it paused on the telly for her. You could add Netflix to her ipad and set it up for her ready when she arrives. The other stuff is a but meh. You either trust her to look after your kids or you don't. She isn't you and she won't do or teach things you do. Just correct your kid if you don't like something. You can't micromanage everything she does.

100% YouTube is completely unregulated. There’s plenty to watch on the BBC or other channels without needing to show kids YoutTube slop.

One day a fortnight? My previous post still stands about the TV but now it’s more ridiculous how you want to micromanage her behaviour with your kids over one day a fortnight as in things like na na na na na . Geeeez !

To be fair I've let my kids watch some old episodes of kids TV from my childhood that are on YouTube but only under my direct supervision. I'd never give a child free reign of YouTube.

I heard of a knock off Peppa Pig where she goes to the dentist and gets all her teeth ripped out without anaesthetic. Kind of like the plots of Saw but with kids characters. There's also sexually explicit content with kids characters.

Yeah lots of responders have just read the thread title and think it's a case of DGM just letting the child have too much screen time. Too much screen time with appropriate content is a completely different discussion to this.

So 2 days a month

yes obv don’t want kids watching something they scares them

but 4th time it happened sounded like happening every day

amazed you have a 5yr who can’t turn on tv an find app for Netflix theirselves

so this is easily solved by putting on own iPad or putting app on mil iPad

Thank you! People are so quick to criticise and not read the actual post. I don't care how much screen time they have, I understand that's part of grandparent care but I care about the content🫠

Thank you! People aren't realising it isn't screen time I have an issue with, it's the content, done of it is so creepy and horrible. It's more the fact I've mentioned it before and it just falls on deaf ears and keep happening.

My 5 year old knows how to work our TV, maybe teach your child? You said it’s been in place for 5 years so I’m assuming your eldest is that sort of age too. Doesn’t your remote have a Netflix button on it? It’s pretty self intuitive.

My 5 year old can do it, my MIL prefers the iPad so she can do it herself and have a cuddle watching it together, don't ask 🫠

I have no idea why people are saying you are being unreasonable. I wouldn’t want my child watching fake paw patrol or peppa pig on YouTube. The content is designed to disturb and is not safe for children.
www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/amp/entry/fake-cartoons-youtube-guide-for-parents_uk_5c76b38ae4b08c4f555654e8/

Then buy an iPad tho surely you have one as we need it for school to do ttrs and edshed etc

and then can watch on your iPad cuddling

you really are making a mountain out of a molehill

its easily solved

Ask if you can search her history for Paw Patrol, then show her the inappropriate videos. Download Netflix/ YouTube kids onto her pad.

If she prefers her iPad ask her to download Netflix and login with your account, or bbc I player and they can watch CBeebies.

This is just nonsense.
Shes clearly not cuddling him that much because she isnt actually monitoring what he is watching!!!!

I generally am in the if you arent paying you dont get to dictate camp but here id honestly be going for a variation on.

Have your husband present and say something like
"Hi mil,
I'm making a simple normal request to keep X safe. I knwo you dont see the risk but we are much more aware of dangers online and this is a real problem.
Im happy to print instructions for how to put on cartoons and leave it next to the TV.

we need you to promise to stop showing DS things on your ipad. Can you agree to this?
If you cant, that's fine but I will need to change our childcare arrangement.
If you tell us you can we expect you to follow it, if you dont, we wont discuss it again we will just be changing the childcare arrangement.
If you think "you'll forget" i recommend you leave your ipad at home theres no need for you to have it in our home anyway.
We love you and I know this is hard for you to hear, its hard for me to say. I have to prioritise my child's safety over your feelings. "

Have clear written step be step instructions on how to get to the TV programmes or channels you want your children to see. Leave them next to the TV.