AIBU to be firmer with MIL about childcare and screen rules?

[SMLSML]

I know I'll probably get flamed for this but not sure how to handle it. My MIL looks after our youngest whilst I work from home. She also has our eldest in the holidays. We've had this arrangement for 5 years now. There's a few things I let slide as it's grandparents and free childcare but lately we've been having a few issues with screens, a couple of months ago my eldest said 'mummy nanny put a different version on paw patrol on and it scared me' I asked my MIL and she said she'd put it on on YouTube. I said ah okay, probably isn't the licensed real version, can we just do the netflix one from now on. She struggles to work our TV sometimes so cut to today, brushing my little ones teeth and she says nanny put the scary version of paw patrol on again. I know she's meaning no harm, I was on a lot of meetings today and she probably didn't want to disturb me but this is now the 4th time it's happened 🙃 do I just need to be super forceful with her? There's a few other things as well as my eldest grows are tricky to navigate, like teaching her 'na na na na na' and sticking her fingers in your ears like when you're making fun of someone, just odd behaviour and I don't know why she encourages it. I've voiced my concern and option on bits like this but it falls on deaf ears. Any advice much appreciated. This has all been discussed with my husband and he agrees with it too, we don't want to upset her but equally feel we can't let it slide anymore...

You are being very unreasonable given the sheer volume of free childcare shes giving you. I’ve never heard of a grandparent doing this amount. Poor woman, she should be enjoying her retirement

If she's doing all this free childcare (is it 5 full days per week?), I think you need to think very carefully about how you broach this. I'd be getting your DH to do it...

If you don’t like it pay for childcare. There is no way you paying for “expensive” treats in any way matches what you’d be paying a professional. So don’t kid yourself on that front.

How old is DC and can they work the TV? Something like Roku has a simple remote, DS6 has been able to do it himself for a while now (once someone gives him the remote).

It seems like the issue here is that she’s inadvertently accessing inappropriate content - as others have said, there are videos purporting to be children’s cartoons available on YouTube and they can be really quite horrible.

Can you explain to here why this is actually very serious?

And then come up with a way in which putting on suitable children’s content can be done just as easily - such as leaving a tablet of your own accessible or putting your Netflix onto her table?

In terms of her using screens as such, you can’t expect to police this when she’s providing free childcare

I’d uninstall You Tube from devices and write a step by step guide on how to work the tv.

My mum can’t work our tv. She just gets confused by all the apps and similar.

sounds like your mum is using what she knows to get to paw patrol and similar. In your shoes I’d install your Netflix on her iPad if that is what she is used to.

i’ve given up trying to teach my mum. It just doesn’t stick.

You need to find a better solution to the tv/ipad issue. Clear, written instructions? Netflix on ipad? It’s clear she loves your children so I’m sure she wants what’s best.
Any other small niggles need to being noted unless they are actually putting your child at risk. I know she likes to do it and does it out of choice (my mum was the same) BUT she has saved you thousands and thousands of pounds. Plus not having to deal with all the stress of nursery and illness etc etc.

Teach the kids to put the right paw patrol on.

I don’t think you can say anything. It’s a minor misdemeanour and she is providing you with a LOT of free child care, meaning she gets little time for herself. She’s doing you a massive favour and saving you thousands of pounds. It’s not ideal if it’s scaring the kids but the other option is you fork out loads of money for childcare 🤷‍♀️.

Delete youtube and make it easier for her to find suitable TV/movies.

OP pretty obviously

She is unfamiliar with your tv and who can blame her. She prefers iPad interface.

Buy your own iPad "for the kids". Install BBC iplayer or Netflix so they are available with one click. Write down how on a post it note stuck on iPad. Show the kids how to do this for her just in case.

Job done.

And from someone who had 3 kids in FT childcare, she is probably saving you around £20k a year. So no, nice dinners and saying thanks are not really evening it out. You owe her big time.

If I couldn’t work your TV…I’d appreciate a piece of paper ..nicely done for me…which remote, a picture…what to press and the icon for your child’s programmes. I know how my smart TV works ..stream the lot..go away to the cottage…I’m presented with 3 similar remotes and SKY which I don’t use and I’m totally lost. You could even make the Map to Paw Patrol so your child can navigate it and press the buttons from a child friendly laminate page with pictures….or is the ipad for another reason watching in another room? Why? Or is Nanny watching the main TV at the same time?

Have you got your own tablet OP, can you ask her to use that instead and show her how to find paw patrol on Netflix or Prime. Can one of the kids learn how to do it. Block or uninstall YouTube, I would explain to her there is some weird stuff on YouTube and it needs supervision so could she please use your tablet instead ? As an older generation person she possibly isn't that familiar with YouTube.

Pay for a subscription to Netflix on her own iPad for her. Sounds like you can stretch to that, and she would get to enjoy other programmes for herself.

As a PP said, tvs can be difficult to work these days. We’ve had to type out the tv /netflix/britbox instructions for my ILs tv as it was too complex for them. We put screen shot pictures and a bit of a flow chart to show them what to do and laminated a couple of copies and it sits next to their remote. (They don’t look after our kids- this is just for their everyday use)
Maybe something like that would help her use it. Or can you download YouTube kids on her iPad and ask her to only use that for your kids instead?

Your MIL is a saint . Does she not want some free time to do things for herself . I would just print out instructions for the TV and not complain about anything .

Agree with above . Print out instructions for the TV. As for all her other little ways such as nanananana, that’s who she is . She’s not harming them as long as it’s fun and not disrespectful. You’ll realise in 20 years time you were overreacting. She’s a saint .

Ask your MIL if you can save some full episodes of paw patrol on her YouTube on her iPad. Then she can just go to the ‘watch later’ list and put the same ones on that you’ve saved. Saves trying to teach her the TV if she finds that overwhelming. Everyone saying pay childcare is choosing to misunderstand. My nan always took care of us growing up and wouldn’t have dreamt of letting my mum said us to a childminder. I would ignore the na na na na na, like other posters have said, children understand different rules with different people. It’s harmless at the end of the day and your children will no it’s wrong to use on others if you tell them.

You make it sound like it’s her choice what happens with your kids when you say ‘she wouldn’t dream of giving it up’ like you don’t get a say - of course you do but it sounds like you want free childcare AND granny to follow the EYFS! You can’t have both so cope with granny teaching the kids whatever she wants or pay for a qualified person!

As for YouTube I would just ban it completely. I remember videos on YouTube doing the rounds where in Peppa Pig (normal cartoon until it got to it) characters had heads cut off/ they were set on fire etc…

Can you sit down with her and show her how to work tell and put netfix on. Might take a few goes. Also I hope you thank the woman. A huge bunch of flowers sounds good. Not expressing your opinions

If I were you, I would first of all make sure your MIL knows how much you appreciate all of the hard, voluntary work she puts in for you.

Then I would tell her that you've decided to ban Youtube and write a little simple print out detailing how to operate Netflix on your TV OR I would get Paw Patrol up on Netflix at the start of the day and check in between meetings.

Explain politely the difference between the two. Maybe she thinks it’s the same thing. I’m sure if it’s scaring her grandchildren she will change it.

The youtube issue is urgent. I would gently try to explain what the problem is again (show her a snippet of disturbing content if it helps). You can use your router to block YouTube access on all non-whitelisted devices as well. And as pp said make it easier to get to Netflix on your TV. But honestly if she doesn't see what the problem is after viewing it herself I would be questioning her judgement more generally. My in-laws are pretty good but they've put on AI videos for my toddler that they thought were cute/funny, but that were to me very obviously skin-crawlingly disturbing, and it has made me restrict the circumstances in which they look after him.

The other stuff you might have to let slide, unless there are worse examples than what you've said.

I would purchase an ipad and set it up with lots of kid friendly stuff - netflix, iplayer and go from there.

Given the childcare saving it would be a good investment.

Also she may not actually be showing the wrong Paw Patrol - two of mine went through stages of declaring some episodes of Paw Patrol scary so may actually be worth stepping away from PP altogether for a while.