AIBU to expect my partner to help in the mornings with toddler?

[Angelagall15]

Does everyone’s partner get up with them in the morning when your baby/child wakes for the day? Or is it only you? For context, we have a 18 month old, and I have done every bedtime, night wake, and morning and pretty much everything else since she was born to be honest and he lies in every single day until about 11.30/12, he won’t wake regardless if I try and wake him or ask him for a bit of help. Today has just broken me as I was up all night with an unwell toddler and in the morning I got up and said can you get up with us as I’ve been up all night to help out, and he didn’t, proceeded to lay in till 12, and I got told to shut up. I’ve spoken to him about this so many times, given him chances and the space to change, alongside breaking down in front of him so many times because it’s draining me so much and I’m trying to be the best mum I can but this is wearing me down.
I’m a sahm which we both decided, I never ask him to wake on his days he works, he works 3-12, 5 days on and 6 off, and I know these are late shifts but he just lies in bed until late everyday he’s off and I am burning out doing it all. We don’t have any other support so he’s my only relief if you have it and I’m not getting any. I feel like he chimes in and plays the “ fun dad “ when it suits him and isn’t overly present in other ways.
Am I expecting too much, or is this common?

He is behaving appallingly. What are you getting out of your relationship, OP. Because you genuinely are worth so much more.

So you’re basically solo-parenting here. Your baby and a man-baby. If you split up you’d actually have less work and less stress. And no perpetual disappointment.

I do all night wakes with mine (breastfed), but DH will take over from first morning wake on his two WFH days and on weekends allowing me to sleep in until just before 9. Your DP is absolutely unreasonable.

We take it in turns.

Fuck that shit OP, I'd rather be on my own. It wouldn't be any easier but the rage would kill me to be with such a lazy arsehole.

DH got up every morning apart from one a week. He fed them and entertained them and let me sleep as I’d done the night wakings. DC1 didn’t sleep much at all for a long time and it was quite intense so he took over food shopping and cooking too.

At this point I’d be asking myself what you’re getting from this relationship

It’s just not fair. I mean fair enough or days he’s had a late night with work. I suggest some counselling. I’d also look for a job and make it clear you’ll be sharing the childcare.

Another woman stuck with a fucking useless waster.

Why on earth are you still with him?

This is not normal and he should definitely be doing this fair share of getting up in the morning on his days off. If he is working until 12 then I wouldn't expect him to get up when your child wakes but wouldn't expect him to be staying in bed until he has to get ready for work either. He could be helping for a few hours before work.

Honestly you won't change him. So it's either put up with it or leave.

I work 4-midnight shifts and I get up as normal in the mornings because I have children. He’s a lazy fucker.

You cant possibly think this is normal? What did you discuss before you had a child? Leave and whatever you do, do NOT have another child with him. He wont change, what a loser.

To be fair to him if he is working til 12 most nights and then has to travel home, unwind then he might not be asleep til 2. Therefore I think it would be unreasonable for him to be getting up early with your child. I would expect him up around 10 though rather than leaving it til it's time to go.
I think the work pattern is the issue here (along with potential laziness in terms of parenting).

We've always taken it in turns and shared the parenting equally. It's appalling that he has 6 days off every other week and doesn't help. Very selfish.

Looking after a child full time is much harder than a night shift working. He can be extra tired once or twice a week at least and help given he can tap out and head to work most days. Having children is tiring. Too many men children don’t seem to understand that. Sending big hugs OP, you don’t deserve to feel so exhausted cx

^I have done every bedtime, night wake, and morning and pretty much everything else since she was born to be honest and he lies in every single day until about 11.30/12^

WHY?
Just why????
Why have you tolerated this?
Why havent you screamed the house down?
Why havent you kicked him out?

Presumably he doesnt work...
I wouldnt tolerate this laziness from a man i was dating let alone the father of my child.

Just leave your life will be easier, less to clean, less to cook and less to wash.

The state will/is presumably funding your style anyway so it wont make much of a difference financially...

He does work, I’m not sure if you’ve read the full post so no the state doesn’t fund us financially.

Thats what you took from this????

Good.luck....

He has 6 days off in a row, I never ask him to wake when he’s working, I’m meaning on his days off.

Tbf your lack of reading comprehension is pretty bad.

@Angelagall15 I think you need to get a job and plan an exit from this selfish man.

Any partner who told me to shut up when asking for help would no longer be a partner of mine. Is he generally a pig or just about getting up in the mornings? If he is, then YABU for staying with him.

This is not going to change. If I were you I’d go back to work and leave him.

You’re well within your rights to ask him to wake on days off I agree. Just meant that it’d be fine if you did on work days too tbh! I really hope things improve for you soon. I’d be at my wits end xx

So he works part time then? 5 days work out of every 11 is not a proper full time job!