AIBU to feel annoyed by fit people refusing to work?

[Lazypeopleannoyme]

I get really annoyed when I see perfectly fit people not working and then complaining that they are forced to go back to work.

I know if a woman that has lost custody of her 3 children. One was put into care with her parents because the father didn’t want to take care. The other 2 are living with their father.

She pays no maintenance for them because she isn’t working. Her benefits are being cut and all she does is complain to the fathers that she has no money and wants them to pay her living costs and her petrol to collect the children.

I'd mind my own business personally. Clearly, her lifestyle isn't something to be envious of. I would say there's something out of the ordinary going on with her, in a serious way, that's led to her life being so fucking awful and her kids lives upended so terribly like that. I would pity her, and hope that mental health care and whatever else can improve life for people who are falling apart. Which may actually lead to people being employable.

There will be layers of complexity around a woman whose three children have been taken away. It's quite possible she's not mentally fit to work.
But generally, yes, I agree. If someone is fit and able, they should work and not get benefits. I think most people would agree with that. But it's not up to us to judge whether they fall into the fit or unfit category.

Not everyone is employable. There'll always be a percentage of the population whose lives are so chaotic and out of control that they just can't cope with life and therefore can't hold down a job. There's no mechanisms to keep people on the straight and narrow now either. People are free to live how they please with few expectations from society and no one to hold them to account.

I would not call a woman who has lost custody of three children 'fit.'

OP do you really think the DWP gives a free pass to everyone who wants to spend a life on benefits ? I’ve worked within the area of benefits and claimant support for over twenty years and I’ve only ever come across the attitude that fit people have the choice not to work on forums like this. The reality is that if there are no health problems involved, claimants are expected to engage with jobsearch, preparation for work and job application. There are sanctions involved where claimants don’t comply, up to and including loss of benefits. We all need a safety net when things go wrong.

How frequently do you see fit long term unemployed people and hear them complaining?

It's not something I think I've ever encountered.

I just mind my own business.

So, less of an 'annoyed that fit people don't work' thread and more a 'Let's bash a woman who probably has multiple issues' thread then? Nice.

I have to award OP a few points for a slightly innovative take on the usual benefits bashing, but .... wait. No, I don't.

I think all these people who "know someone" must know the same few people.

I've only met one person in my life who might possibly fit that description.

And a name change too.

She sounds like a very troubled person. So "fit for work" she may well not be.

Couldn't you find a better example?

Until you walk in someone's else's shoes you shouldn't judge them.

It depends what the reason is. The woman in your example sounds like she has many issues and doesn’t sound particularly “fit to work” to me. If she can’t keep custody of her children then I imagine it would also be difficult for her to keep a job. I don’t work myself because I have two children under 3 and no family support, so with the cost of childcare it wouldn’t make financial sense for me to go back to work. But I’m not on benefits as my husband earns enough to provide for us both.

By people, you mean this one particular person, who clearly has issues going on that you aren't privvy to?

Unless you have detailed knowledge of this woman's medical history, YABU. Many people can appear fine on a superficial level, but have health conditions that are not immediately apparent.

I have a sibling who has severe bipolar disorder. The only way that their MH team seem to be able to manage their MH is by 4-weekly depot injections of a strong anti-psychotic medication that has significant side effects. They are only well enough to lead anything like a normal life approx 50% of the time: in the first 7-10 days after their shot, they become estremeley reclusive and are like a zombie, drowsy, slurred speech, impaired awareness of what's going on around them, are unable to maintain their personal care etc. They then have a week or two of relative normality before they start to become more and more manic, having delusional thoughts, engaging in risky behaviours, barely sleeping, unable to control their impulsivity etc. This is the most dangerous phase, because their decision making ability is significantly impaired.

If someone met them in the middle phase of that cycle, they might well think "They're ok, why don't they go and get a bloody job?". But anyone who had any idea of their history in particular and mental health problems generally would realise that they have no chance of sustaining employment and would be a hazard in most working environments. This is why my sibling is in the support group for ESA and hasn't worked since their third manic episode approx 25 years ago.

People with ADHD can be an utter hazard in the workplace, people with autism often have great difficulty keeping a job because they can be dogmatic and outspoken. None of these things would be immediately apparent to the casual observer, but they have a huge impact.

No, she had some problems a year ago.
She claims she is fit now and is trying to get her children back. But she quit her job when she left the father of her first 2.
Then she was told she would have to start work when the second started Primary.
She met someone else, was pregnant after 3 months together and had a baby the day after the second started primary.

A person doesnt have to be roaming around town with their arm hanging off to be unfit for work

Lots of illnesses are invisible. And this woman does not sound at all well. Yabu.

if she’s had three children taken off her I doubt she is fit for work.

I’ve been a single mum and also have MH problems. I have always worked. That was to give my DC a better life.
This woman did not have MH problems before the third child but still gave up her job.
From what she has told me, she had PND with the third and problems with the father. She thinks both fathers should subsidise her now that she’s not getting benefits.

It might be better to contact the woman directly to tell her you're annoyed.

She'd easily identify herself from these very niche things you've posted about her personal life.

Wow. Anyone who has had children taken away from them has a hard life and many complicated, layered challenges no matter how "fit" they tell you they are. You see lazy (juding by your username). Go back to your own lane, and if you want to get involved see if you can support a charity that is trying to help people with complex challenges / getting off the street / getting back into work / managing children with complex needs / suffering from chronic illnesses / suffering from mental health. I assure you, that once you get much closer to any of these issues you will begin to see that they are not as straightforward as "lazy."

had a baby the day after the second started primary how precise

I have never met a fit person without caring responsibilities who 'refuses' to work. I think caring responsibilities for a young child or older ill or disabled person are perfectly good reasons not to seek employment and should be supported by benefits because they are work and have value to society.

Basically you must know this person pretty well so I would say your a friend or maybe a sibling !
I don't think your a very good person or friend .
You are judging her ! And being self righteous because you think she has to be working like you are ! If u don't like her stay away from her and let her live her life without your judgement!!!