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Original poster

Cousin had stopped speaking to me after potentially being outed as gay?

71 replies

concernedlass · 09/04/2026 10:22

Me and my cousin are quite close, we have always been there for each other and our parents are extremely close as well.

Over the bank holiday weekend I had heard through the grapevine that he had been sleeping with and old school friend.

Everyone in our town has been gossiping about it.

I text my cousin asking him if he was OK and then relayed to him what I had heard.

He was quite abrupt in his reply which was "I am not interested in these silly things" and then stopped texting me back.

I do remember many years ago as a teen that he had confided in me about kissing another boy etc but I just thought he was messing around.

He hasn't been online since then (WhatsApp).

I am a bit worried about him and just want to support him.

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 09/04/2026 10:25

What kind of backwater are you living in that the whole Town is gossiping about who someone is sleeping with ? Who cares if anyone is gay these days?

You support him be saying “I heard the rumours, who you sleep with is your Buisness, I love you unconditionally”

BIWI · 09/04/2026 10:27

Ah! I know the problem. This is a zombie post that's escaped from the 1950s version of Mumsnet.

Original poster
concernedlass · 09/04/2026 10:27

We live in a small town and his mum (my aunt) is very homophobic and it wouldn't sit well with her at all.

OP posts:
BillieWiper · 09/04/2026 10:28

Yeah why is it such a massive scandal that everyone is gossiping about it. Has there never been a gay or a lesbian in your town before?!

BIWI · 09/04/2026 10:29

I'm so glad you joined MN/namechanged to post this.

BlueMum16 · 09/04/2026 10:30

What was your reply to 'im not interested in these things'.

Did you tell him you're not either?
Did you carry on your usual conversation?

He might think you are just after the gossip too

Womblingmerrily · 09/04/2026 10:30

There are still many places, communities and cultures where being gay is an issue - far more than people seem to realise.

It sounds like this cousin needs to move to a bigger city/ away from this area to avoid negative gossip and enjoy their life.

youalright · 09/04/2026 10:31

Where do you live that people are gossiping about someone's sex life don't people have sex where you live

Mumsntfan1 · 09/04/2026 10:32

BillieWiper · 09/04/2026 10:28

Yeah why is it such a massive scandal that everyone is gossiping about it. Has there never been a gay or a lesbian in your town before?!

Maybe the OP is in Llanddewi Brefi. Only one gay in that village.

Greymatterwriter · 09/04/2026 10:32

Why did you approach him in this way? If I found out my cousin was gay, which I’m actually practiced at, I’d keep it to myself until they told me themself. You partook in the town gossip and then passed on what must have only come across as faux concern. You need to speak to him directly to take responsibility for your behaviour, it was not good even if you had good intentions.

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 09/04/2026 10:35

I am a bit worried about him and just want to support him.

Really?

And yet if he was sleeping with an old female school friend, I suspect you wouldn't have messaged him at all.

You're no different to the gossips, you're just going about it in a different way.

Mind your own.

MissMoneyFairy · 09/04/2026 10:37

Who is gossiping about him, how did you hear through the grapevine, did you tell them to grow up and mind their own business, why wouldn't he be OK?

Rainbowcat77 · 09/04/2026 10:39

Just to be clear, I’d imagine that this is not about him “potentially being outed as Gay” and more about him being annoyed that you’ve been listening/joining in with gossip about him then relaying it in the hopes of getting more details…I’d be annoyed too Op.

Topseyt123 · 09/04/2026 10:40

I don't see why this should be such a big thing but do understand that in some areas and some families it is.

It sounds like your cousin is very nervous about this potentially getting back to his mother before he is ready to deal with her, if he ever is.

He probably needs to move out and away when he can and you should really have expressed your encouragement and support there, assuring him that, whoever you had heard this from, you would tell nobody else.

Butchyrestingface · 09/04/2026 10:40

I am a bit worried about him and just want to support him.

Why are you worried? Maybe he's having a whale of a time.

If you live in a one-horse town, it's probably already occurred to him that the rumours may get back to Mr Brocklehurst his mum.

hopspot · 09/04/2026 10:44

How awful that his mum is so homophobic. Poor man.

HoppingPavlova · 09/04/2026 10:53

Llanddewi Brefi?

ColdAsAWitches · 09/04/2026 10:54

I text my cousin asking him if he was OK and then relayed to him what I had heard

Why? Why would he not be? I guarantee if you heard he'd been sleeping with a woman you wouldn't have texted to ask if he was ok. I'd be annoyed too if I was him, you're as bad as the rest of your village.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 09/04/2026 10:58

What exactly did you say? Did you offer your support in standing by him against your homophobia family and make it clear you don’t see it as a big deal if he’s gay? Or did you either sound like you were judging, fishing for gossip or like if it’s true he must be making a mistake/ going through a breakdown etc? You say you are worried/ just want to support but years ago he told you he’d kissed a male friend and you brushed it off as ‘silly’ so it doesn’t sound to me like you would actually be supportive if he’s gay but rather than you would see it as a phase and the fact you’re ‘worried’ also suggests you think being gay is a problem. Why do you think he needs support and why are you worried, would you feel the same if he was sleeping with a female? Do you worry about all your adult friends/ family if they choose to enter a relationship and have sex and offer your support?

Starlight1979 · 09/04/2026 11:00

concernedlass · 09/04/2026 10:27

We live in a small town and his mum (my aunt) is very homophobic and it wouldn't sit well with her at all.

I live in a tiny village which is still very traditional and stuck in the past in some ways. And still nobody would give a shit if a grown adult was gay.

Original poster
concernedlass · 09/04/2026 11:04

In the past he has suffered from depression and has tried to commit suicide hence why I was checking in with him.

He suffers from anxiety as well.

He told me he had kissed another boy when we were teens (a good 30 years ago) and he said he was just messing around hence why I thought he was messing around.

When he text me back I told him I was here for him.

OP posts:
Readytoescape · 09/04/2026 11:06

If his mum is homophobic that is probably why he keeps it quiet. I think you would have been better to talk to him face to face rather than join the gossip.

BillieWiper · 09/04/2026 11:10

Mumsntfan1 · 09/04/2026 10:32

Maybe the OP is in Llanddewi Brefi. Only one gay in that village.

Show quote history

I was actually going to write something along those lines! 🤣

TheSlantedOwl · 09/04/2026 11:13

Lots of posters contributing dismissively but homophobia still exists, family members can still be bigoted and reject and condemn their kids.

Missey85 · 09/04/2026 11:16

Don't any of you have anything better to do than gossip about people? I'd hate to live in your town get a life!