AIBU to leave a friend's flat because it was too messy?

[Browndoor25]

Ok so firstly he knows I’ve taken photos and that I’m making this thread. He doesn’t care.

I traveled across the country to stay with my friend for afew nights. I knew he was a messy bugger, but I overestimated my ability to cope with mess. We are good-ish friends but complete opposites when it comes to the house keeping and cleanliness department. He’s gone through a really hard time recently so I can’t be too hard on him. He said he spent days cleaning for me and that his flat is the cleanest it has even been, and he was genuinely offended that I wouldn’t stay. He is such a lovely guy, he offered me his bed and he would have taken the sofa but I just couldn’t. So I’ve booked a last minute hotel! He thinks I’m being a drama queen with my ridiculously high standards. Maybe I am, I don’t know. Am I? I feel quite guilty and this isn’t supposed to be a serious thread. We’ll probably have a laugh over it later in the hotel bar 🫣

I would not have stayed there, but I am in my fifties and have owned my own home for quite some time. That looks like a cheap flat in need of updating and repair, and it looks like it smells. I don't think it was wrong of you to go and stay somewhere else.

No, that’s minging. I have a friend who lives like that and although I have a cup of tea when I go, I feel disgusting drinking it. No way would I stay in his house or your friend’s.

My first thought was how inappropriate to post pics presumably without his knowledge, but then I scrolled down and saw even more pics. You are outrageous

It doesn't matter if he knows you took the photos with the intention of starting this thread, a good friend wouldn't shame another friend publicly like this. Shitty thing to do, and a massive overreaction to book a hotel. He'd be better off finding new friends.

Has he never lived alone before? Or mental health issues?

I dont think I could stay in that either tbh. While you're there could you look up local cleaning companies for him to book for a once off deep clean now that hes done a load of tidying?

Nope, no way. I wouldn’t stay there. Has he been taking cleaning tips from the Munsters? https://www.tiktok.com/@its_teresa4/video/7324725116783316230

I couldn’t and wouldn’t stay there………but if he were my friend I certainly wouldn’t criticise so publicly, he needs support not ridicule!

YABU to post photos, that's really unfair especially if he's struggling. I agree about not wanting to stay there (I wouldn't either) but just help him with the hoovering if nothing else.

Seems like there could be more going on with him which you could help with if you wanted to, but no obligation especially if you live some distance away.

Ive reported this thread. We only have your word that he’s given approval to share these photos and it looks like he’s struggling for money or perhaps his mental health is not so good, but I dont think thisis in the spirit of MN.

I can’t believe you’re getting flack for this given that you have his agreement to post. Perhaps you thought him seeing the responses would give him a boost to improve things and help him see that that is not a normal level of grime to live with.
I can’t believe people are saying you should flick a hoover on either, like you say you’ve driven to see him not to clean for him if you have a good relationship your honesty might really help and only you know how he is taking that.
I hope you still manage to have a nice time visiting and perhaps at some stage you can have a conversation about how things have got. If he doesn’t see an issue with the level of grime and it’s a dealbreaker for you at least you can reevaluate the time you choose to spend with him.

It's not a serious slagging thread but in the same breath you're someone who could be on obsessive compulsive cleaners? Yeah - there's no way you dont mean this in a horrible sneery way.

(Also - you're a lightweight clean freak if you couldnt handle cleaning somewhere that looks like that) :/s

Looks like a crack den. No way would I stay there. Fag ends on the floor? You can tell it’s utterly filthy.

We only have her word for it that he knows and has given permission.

Throw, hoover and mopping. I was expecting shit all over and a kitchen/ bathroom with a crust.

I'm another who finds the posting of pics of a good friend's dirty home uncomfortable. That said, no, I wouldn't have stayed either. I'm interested in the number of people who said that you should have helped clean. Unless he's recently in a bad way and his normal standards are reasonably clean then I wouldn't offer to clean someone else's home.

That’s a midden! What’s with the cigarette ends on the floor, I’d be off too

This. He’s having a hard time and has tried.

Yuk, that is grim - I couldn't bear to even do a quick visit to a place like that, let alone spend the night there. Just no, it's quite depressing!

I've reported it too. It's potentially a massive breach of privacy of a vulnerable man.

Nah I wouldn’t stay there

Nasty thread attempting to shame someone, how is that working out for you?

I would have cleaned it, but I love cleaning. It would have been a proper challenge. But you aren't being unreasonable if it made you feel anxious.Edited to add if you felt it was right to book a hotel that was the right thing to do.

Did you read the thread???? "Without his knowledge" is bullshit.

Is that paint on the hallway carpet? You can see it on the entryways into the other rooms too like it's been dropped everywhere then scuffed in?

Also, he's ruining that floor by the coffee table by dropping food/drinks and obviously not wiping it up in a timely manner, it's soaked into the wood now, Tell him he needs a washable rug down under that table!

People can live how they like for me, but ruining flooring/carpets is completely unnecessary!