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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to leave a friend's flat because it was too messy?

88 replies

Browndoor25 · 08/04/2026 20:16

Ok so firstly he knows I’ve taken photos and that I’m making this thread. He doesn’t care.

I traveled across the country to stay with my friend for afew nights. I knew he was a messy bugger, but I overestimated my ability to cope with mess. We are good-ish friends but complete opposites when it comes to the house keeping and cleanliness department. He’s gone through a really hard time recently so I can’t be too hard on him. He said he spent days cleaning for me and that his flat is the cleanest it has even been, and he was genuinely offended that I wouldn’t stay. He is such a lovely guy, he offered me his bed and he would have taken the sofa but I just couldn’t. So I’ve booked a last minute hotel! He thinks I’m being a drama queen with my ridiculously high standards. Maybe I am, I don’t know. Am I? I feel quite guilty and this isn’t supposed to be a serious thread. We’ll probably have a laugh over it later in the hotel bar 🫣

AIBU to leave a friend's flat because it was too messy?
AIBU to leave a friend's flat because it was too messy?
AIBU to leave a friend's flat because it was too messy?
OP posts:
Statsquestion1 · 08/04/2026 20:29

I would have done the same OP, it’s like a crack den! It’s horrendous! I wouldn’t have accepted that even as a student!!

TowerRavenSeven · 08/04/2026 20:30

It would be where I was sleeping that would make my decision. I actually would help because cleaning is fun for me when all the crap is put away which it looks like it is. I wouldn’t prepare food or eat there though.

sonjadog · 08/04/2026 20:30

I have family members who live in similar and I find it uncomfortable to stay in, but I put up with it because visiting them and their feelings are more important to me than the standards of cleanliness. I think you are a bit unreasonable for leaving. I do think you are definitely unreasonable for putting photos of his home on MN for people to gawp at.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 08/04/2026 20:32

Why on earth are you posting this here with photos?

Pinkflamingo10 · 08/04/2026 20:32

I think the poor chap needs help ? Not shame

Browndoor25 · 08/04/2026 20:32

I knew I’d get flack for posting photos hence I checked with him first. It’s not a serious slagging thread. I did consider it but I honestly feel like it needs more than I could do. Just the layers of grime. Needs a proper deep clean but I struggle with things like this. My house always has to be pristinely clean- think obsessive compulsive cleaners.

OP posts:
OneNewEagle · 08/04/2026 20:32

How rude you are shaming him especially if he’s tidied up. Not at a level I’d like but I would have switched the hoover on and hoovered up for him, made him a cup of tea and then gone and cleaned the bathroom.

BMW6 · 08/04/2026 20:34

Well I wouldn't stay there tonight but I'd spend the day tomorrow helping him give it a really good deep clean.
Hopefully the sofa cover comes off so can go in the wash.

RampantIvy · 08/04/2026 20:34

The cigarette butts on the floor would have me scurrying away home.

FieryA · 08/04/2026 20:34

Still not sure why you have made this post and shared pics? You found the house dirty and moved to a hotel- fair enough. So what is the issue that led you to share it?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/04/2026 20:36

I would call that filthy dirty rather than messy (which implies just clutter or untidiness). If there was lots of mess but clean I’d be fine, but dirty old fag ends no way. I would struggle to eat any food he prepared too.
however if he is a good friend and has been through a rough time I would be back with my marigolds and some cif tomorrow and help him give it a spruce up for an hour. It would make all the difference to his wellbeing.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/04/2026 20:37

Do you think (cynical feminist here!) that your invite was a bit tactical as he knows you’re a clean freak - hoping you might clean up?

Unnecessaryletter · 08/04/2026 20:38

OneNewEagle · 08/04/2026 20:32

How rude you are shaming him especially if he’s tidied up. Not at a level I’d like but I would have switched the hoover on and hoovered up for him, made him a cup of tea and then gone and cleaned the bathroom.

I don't think he has much 'shame', clearly 😂

The OP has already stated he doesn't care one way or another if pictures are posted.

Browndoor25 · 08/04/2026 20:39

OneNewEagle · 08/04/2026 20:32

How rude you are shaming him especially if he’s tidied up. Not at a level I’d like but I would have switched the hoover on and hoovered up for him, made him a cup of tea and then gone and cleaned the bathroom.

Sorry but I didn’t travel half way across the country to scrap his shit stains off the toilet… I was there to see him, not be a cleaner for him.

OP posts:
sharkstale · 08/04/2026 20:39

No I wouldn't stay there. I feel dirty just looking at it.

honeylulu · 08/04/2026 20:40

Is Henry just a prop?

I would not be impressed but I could live with it if the bathroom was passably clean. Is it?

Tulipsriver · 08/04/2026 20:40

You could have made an excuse to leave without offending him. Or you could have enquired about his mental health and offered to help him find support.

Either would have been better than taking photos of his home in order to shame him online.

ThejoyofNC · 08/04/2026 20:41

YANBU that's filthy. I wouldn't leave a dog there never mind sleep there myself.

Morepositivemum · 08/04/2026 20:42

Either help him clean or tell him to get a cleaver for a day and then he needs to start maintaining it

ChocolateCinderToffee · 08/04/2026 20:44

To me 'messy' means untidy. Those pictures show a level of dirt that would make me run screaming, and I am not houseproud.

Teado · 08/04/2026 20:44

You shouldn’t have to clean, I agree. I’m surprised at the suggestions that you should tbh.

No harm in trying to get to the bottom of why he lives in squalor though, and helping with longterm solutions. There are usually reasons why people live like this when they’re not students or crack addicts.

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 08/04/2026 20:45

Yeah I’d struggle to stay there OP. Were you due to sleep on the sofa?

think I’d need a few layers to sleep on over that. What about the bathroom and kitchen? I might be able to make do for a night but I wouldn’t be comfy.

Browndoor25 · 08/04/2026 20:47

Tulipsriver · 08/04/2026 20:40

You could have made an excuse to leave without offending him. Or you could have enquired about his mental health and offered to help him find support.

Either would have been better than taking photos of his home in order to shame him online.

Yeah, I’m a terrible human being posting untraceable photos on a completely Anonymous thread with the person’s consent 😂 he maintains I have been a good friend to him whilst he’s been having a hard time. We are just very different people

OP posts:
Dontknowwhattobelieve2 · 08/04/2026 20:49

I wouldn’t stay there myself, I have seen a lot worse than this though.

skiprun · 08/04/2026 20:50

So in your own words, he’s had a really hard time of it recently. And instead of flicking the hoover on and helping him out, you decided to shame him by taking pics and putting them out there on the web, for all to see (where the daily fail will probs pick up and shame him further)

who needs enemies eh

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