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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend price checked my DH's birthday gift to me, in my face

118 replies

BigBird100 · 08/04/2026 09:35

A girlfriend googled the price of my DH's birthday gift to me (piece of tech) on the day I received it. She asked me what I received and I mentiined it over coffee and was beyond mortified she googled it and priced it. Who does that?

OP posts:
Lilacblu · 09/04/2026 22:02

I think that's a possibility.

SpiritOfEcstasy · 10/04/2026 00:16

My exH was an extravagant madman when it came to Christmas’s and birthdays 🤦🏼‍♀️ the idea of anybody price checking the gifts that he bought me would have been mortifying! Your friend is weird

FancyLilacHare · 10/04/2026 00:44

How vulgar.

Snakebite61 · 10/04/2026 09:22

BigBird100 · 08/04/2026 09:35

A girlfriend googled the price of my DH's birthday gift to me (piece of tech) on the day I received it. She asked me what I received and I mentiined it over coffee and was beyond mortified she googled it and priced it. Who does that?

We do it all the time. To see if they got a good price or not.

latetothefisting · 10/04/2026 09:36

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/04/2026 18:43

Why would you ask what they did for their birthday? I don’t like being asked that because the answer is always ‘nothing’ and it’s gets awkward.

Outside of MN, do most adults ‘do’ things for their birthday?

Yes

In fact its only ever on MN ive seen people suggesting that its unusual to mark your birthday in any way after the age of 21.

use a bit of logic - if you've been asked multiple times by different people then obviously the general expectation is that most people do do something for their birthdays. They wouldn't ask you about something they don't do themselves, would they?

Lobelia123 · 10/04/2026 09:53

Crass behaviour. Why does everything have to have a price tag?? Id have snapped that if I wanted to know the price I would have looked it up myself. Is she one of those who know the price of everything and the value of nothing?? Id kind of be wonderding at the back of my mind if she does this when I give her her birthday gift etc as well and is judging behind the scenes/.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/04/2026 16:54

Lobelia123 · 10/04/2026 09:53

Crass behaviour. Why does everything have to have a price tag?? Id have snapped that if I wanted to know the price I would have looked it up myself. Is she one of those who know the price of everything and the value of nothing?? Id kind of be wonderding at the back of my mind if she does this when I give her her birthday gift etc as well and is judging behind the scenes/.

Well gifts DO have a price tag, to be fair

TheLoneRangersHorse · 11/04/2026 19:03

I took photos of my 40th gifts on social media so I could show my thanks and appreciation, just incase I hadn't at the time because my party had to end abruptly as my son took me away for a surprise and I didn't get to say a proper thank you and good bye. I can see why its done to show a gratitude.

Ceejaydoubleyew · 11/04/2026 20:23

As an adult I would never ask friends what gifts they have received. It's more important to have a good day and be spoilt a little by some thoughtful treats. Surely consideration and kindness are more important than a price tag on something you may/ may not want or need.

Morepositivemum · 11/04/2026 23:17

I can see how someone would think it, so a ‘oh my wow that’s amazing, I wonder how much it cost’, and maybe she did it without thinking but she mustn’t know you very well because I’d laugh about a friend doing it and given how strong your reaction is I’d have thought she’d know not to do that with you!

kiaraluna · 12/04/2026 04:00

BigBird100 · 08/04/2026 09:35

A girlfriend googled the price of my DH's birthday gift to me (piece of tech) on the day I received it. She asked me what I received and I mentiined it over coffee and was beyond mortified she googled it and priced it. Who does that?

It sounds like something that would be done by a friend I had (not a friend anymore)!

I think it's a crass behaviour, probably out of jealousy because she's making everything between you and her a competition and keeping score. I'm guessing she told you the price in your face because it isn't really very pricey? Like she wanna tell you your DH isn't really buying something very lavish for you to make you feel inferior and tell you there is nothing you can brag about (because everything you say, she thinks you're bragging, even though she asked you about it first)

Just my guess, because that's what my "friend" always did back then. She paid unnecessary close attention to everything I said, I owned, the way I lived, the jobs I did, even the way I wore my makeup and styled my hair etc... And she likes to comment in my face. Sometimes it's like, "oh, look at you...", like she's complimenting but they're all backhanded compliments to make you question whether you deserve to have nice things /achievements in life, because she didn't think I deserve anything as long as she didn't have the same things if not better.

If your friend is like mine, I can picture she likes to pretend like casually asking something about you that may sound weird to ask, because in her mind she already plotted about how to drag you down with those information. In this case it's your birthday gift, in my case it was something like "does your DH buy or rent the apartment?", and when I told her he bought it she asked "do you help to pay the mortgage?", and when I said no, she started to keep saying things like "oh look at you, I want to be provided by a man like you. You're so lucky you don't need to work, don't need to pay rent...", but I do work as a freelancer and self sufficient, it's just she kept ignoring the fact and implying that I didn't earn money or anything that I had, to make me feel like I didn't deserve any of the things that I owned and the kind of life I was living.

This is the way they extract information from you, pretend like it's casual and friendly conversations, and you answer their weird questions because you feel like it's rude not to answer as they make it so casual and friendly, and you tell them everything out of trust thinking there is no harm disclosing something private to a real friend, except that they're not "real friends" and they would always find ways to use those information against you.

It took me 20 years to realize she's a textbook narcissist when she became more blatant and frequent in trying to drag me down and dim my light ever since I got married and living in a bigger nicer apartment than hers. She started to not only verbally insult me but also my DH, so that she could feel better about herself and hers.

This kind of "friends" who likes to compare and compete is a thief of joy. Perhaps your friend is not as extreme as mine, and perhaps like some people here think what she did was totally normal...? But I experienced it firsthand and it almost destroyed me... so just here to warn you that a little red flag like this today may be a sign that she's someone you may want to keep away from.

Contrarymary30 · 12/04/2026 08:32

Pippa12 · 08/04/2026 09:56

Don’t be daft.

I agree . It's a question you would ask a child not an adult .

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 12/04/2026 09:46

TheLoneRangersHorse · 11/04/2026 19:03

I took photos of my 40th gifts on social media so I could show my thanks and appreciation, just incase I hadn't at the time because my party had to end abruptly as my son took me away for a surprise and I didn't get to say a proper thank you and good bye. I can see why its done to show a gratitude.

Really? That could be seen as ostentatious- why not just put the thank you message without the ‘look what I was given’ photo? Or do you only have those people on social media?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 12/04/2026 09:49

latetothefisting · 10/04/2026 09:36

Yes

In fact its only ever on MN ive seen people suggesting that its unusual to mark your birthday in any way after the age of 21.

use a bit of logic - if you've been asked multiple times by different people then obviously the general expectation is that most people do do something for their birthdays. They wouldn't ask you about something they don't do themselves, would they?

I was answering the person who said it was better to ask what someone had done rather than what they had received.

’Did you have a nice birthday’ assumes nothing and opens up the conversation if required.

Ricecakes101 · 12/04/2026 10:13

TheLoneRangersHorse · 11/04/2026 19:03

I took photos of my 40th gifts on social media so I could show my thanks and appreciation, just incase I hadn't at the time because my party had to end abruptly as my son took me away for a surprise and I didn't get to say a proper thank you and good bye. I can see why its done to show a gratitude.

Can I say for whatever reason you did that please dont - it's so crass

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 12/04/2026 10:20

Blueunicornthistle · 08/04/2026 10:06

Ok I understand looking the thing up if you would like to buy one for yourself, but some of the replies seem to indicate that they look up the cost of all/most of their friends gifts, why would you do that?

To gauge the dh's richness, and guestimate their income.

Usernamenotav · 13/04/2026 01:27

1990sMum · 09/04/2026 15:30

Nah that's really rude!

Explain how it's rude?

MsDitsy · 13/04/2026 08:04

It was a crass thing to do. I can't imagine why she would need to know that info so urgently unless she was trying to indicate your husband was a cheapskate or reckless with money. If you stay friends and she asks about future gifts, I would do one of several things, depending on my mood. Tell her it was a very personal gift and you are not going to disclose to her. Be vague about the exact gift and if she presses for details, tell her its a prototype that she wont find online and you are forbiddento talk about it. If i was really irritated and she had her kid with her, its a selection of sex toys, does she want details here and now as it might fck up her algorithms forever. I am petty and am happy to match crassness when necessary.

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