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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours kids keep looking over our fence

459 replies

lilybit2025 · 07/04/2026 11:18

As the title suggests. Young girl around 5-6 keeps looking over at our fence. Did it a handful of times yesterday until I turned around and said 'hello can I help you?' And she's doing it again today. It sets our dog off and drives her insane yet she still does it.
I find it incredibly intrusive and I don't know if our neighbours know she's doing it and she's only a child but we do not have children and aren't particularly fond of them either.

OP posts:
marcyhermit · 07/04/2026 11:18

This is going to sound crazy, but have you tried asking her not to?

Trusttheawesome · 07/04/2026 11:19

You tell her to stop looking over into your garden. Obviously.

Original poster
lilybit2025 · 07/04/2026 11:19

marcyhermit · 07/04/2026 11:18

This is going to sound crazy, but have you tried asking her not to?

Yes, a few weeks ago I asked her to stop as it makes our dog bark. She's still doing it. First summer this has happened as she's old enough to be outside and tall enough to stand on things.

OP posts:
carnivalcat · 07/04/2026 11:20

I’d go round and ask if they could have a word with their daughter about peering into your garden. Not only does it impact your privacy but it’s unfair for your dog to feel unsafe/distressed in its garden.

KilkennyCats · 07/04/2026 11:20

How high is the fence that a 5 year old can see over it?
If you want privacy you’re going to have to make it a bit taller, I’m afraid.

marcyhermit · 07/04/2026 11:20

lilybit2025 · 07/04/2026 11:19

Yes, a few weeks ago I asked her to stop as it makes our dog bark. She's still doing it. First summer this has happened as she's old enough to be outside and tall enough to stand on things.

Show quote history

Which summer?
A few weeks ago or yesterday?

rubyslippers · 07/04/2026 11:21

When she pops up just say please don’t do that as it makes my dog bark a lot which isnt nice - keep it light
if it carries on just speak kindly to your neighbours about it

Original poster
lilybit2025 · 07/04/2026 11:21

KilkennyCats · 07/04/2026 11:20

How high is the fence that a 5 year old can see over it?
If you want privacy you’re going to have to make it a bit taller, I’m afraid.

It's a normal sized garden fence. I think she stands in a table to peer over.

OP posts:
Original poster
lilybit2025 · 07/04/2026 11:22

marcyhermit · 07/04/2026 11:20

Which summer?
A few weeks ago or yesterday?

Show quote history

She was doing it a few weeks ago peering over and it's only this year it's started happening in the last couple of weeks

OP posts:
blythet · 07/04/2026 11:22

carnivalcat · 07/04/2026 11:20

I’d go round and ask if they could have a word with their daughter about peering into your garden. Not only does it impact your privacy but it’s unfair for your dog to feel unsafe/distressed in its garden.

agree with this. The girl needs to learn boundaries and what is appropriate/inappropriate. That would be better coming from her parents who can sit and explain to her

pinkyredrose · 07/04/2026 11:22

Get a bigger fence!

ReadingCrimeFiction · 07/04/2026 11:23

Yes, ask her. Andnif she persists, have a friendly word with her parents.

Nephew does this and SIL thinks its "lovely" that he's so friendly to the neighbours. I have often wondered if the neighbours would agree. I suspect not!

Hoardasurass · 07/04/2026 11:23

@lilybit2025 dont ask her tell her firmly, go away also works oh and speak to your neighbours about the invasion of your privacy

marcyhermit · 07/04/2026 11:24

lilybit2025 · 07/04/2026 11:22

She was doing it a few weeks ago peering over and it's only this year it's started happening in the last couple of weeks

Show quote history

If she's 5 then telling her once a few weeks ago isn't going to mean she never does it again.

Instead of 'hello, can I help you' (young children don't understand passive-aggression) you should have reminded her yesterday that she mustn't lean over the fence as it upsets the dog.
Then, if it carried on after a clear instruction, pop round and speak to the parents.

drippingsap · 07/04/2026 11:25

is she leaning over the fence or just standing on something & can see in? Realistically to stop the latter you need a taller fence.

ToffeePennie · 07/04/2026 11:26

“Hi, your daughter is popping her head over our fence and making our dog go nuts. I’m sure you’ve heard it. Can you have a word with her about boundaries and privacy? Thanks”
Thats all that needs to be said. In a light, breezy, but no nonsense tone.

Original poster
lilybit2025 · 07/04/2026 11:26

drippingsap · 07/04/2026 11:25

is she leaning over the fence or just standing on something & can see in? Realistically to stop the latter you need a taller fence.

She's is standing up on a table and looking over. Every time she sees me see her she ducks down and runs into the house, so it's impossible to tell her to stop! Think it's a word with the parents

OP posts:
KilkennyCats · 07/04/2026 11:27

lilybit2025 · 07/04/2026 11:21

It's a normal sized garden fence. I think she stands in a table to peer over.

Show quote history

Yeah, that’s unacceptable, not to mention unsafe.
I wonder to the parents actually care, though, they must have noticed her doing it? I’d have a word with them, they might think you don’t have an issue with it.

GrillaMilla · 07/04/2026 11:27

'Please don't look over the fence, you need to stay in your own garden. If you keep doing it I'll have to tell your mummy and daddy'

I had this, except they were climbing over to get their football back. That wasn't going to continue!

I wasn't nasty, just told him not to do it again and to knock on the door.

Mosaic123 · 07/04/2026 11:27

Also not a great idea to stand on a table. I doubt her parents are aware. They are not watching her.

You could frame it, to the parents, as safety concerns about the table and dog i.e. she could fall off the table if the dog startled her by barking. You can say it makes you worried.

Goldfsh · 07/04/2026 11:27

I doubt you can do anything about it at all.

deserthighway · 07/04/2026 11:27

What I would have done was to have gone round with an easter egg as a friendly gesture and when i handed it over to the parents I would have mentioned about the fence issue.

It's not WHAT we say, it's the manner in which we say it.

KilkennyCats · 07/04/2026 11:29

deserthighway · 07/04/2026 11:27

What I would have done was to have gone round with an easter egg as a friendly gesture and when i handed it over to the parents I would have mentioned about the fence issue.

It's not WHAT we say, it's the manner in which we say it.

Oh come on!
An Easter egg? Op doesn’t need to bribe the child not to constantly stick her head over the fence.

ReadingCrimeFiction · 07/04/2026 11:32

Mosaic123 · 07/04/2026 11:27

Also not a great idea to stand on a table. I doubt her parents are aware. They are not watching her.

You could frame it, to the parents, as safety concerns about the table and dog i.e. she could fall off the table if the dog startled her by barking. You can say it makes you worried.

Please dont do this. Its such rubbish. 1. Op has everything right to ask the parents not to lwt their child peer into her garden, disturb her dog, or disrupt her privacy and 2. She's just leaving the door open for parents to day, "oh, its fine, we actually have a really stable table there and even if she fell, its very soft.

I wish people would just be honest. As a pp said, its all about tone. You can be friendly and polite but still make your boundaries clear.

rosycheex · 07/04/2026 11:32

Probably at 5 she can’t lift a table next to the fence -ask neighbours to put it away