Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really uncomfortable about this?

104 replies

Littlebitpsycho · 06/04/2026 14:18

More than happy to be told I am being unreasonable here, but I find it weird and inappropriate.

DD is on holiday abroad with her dad. No issue with this, we co-parent well and have done for many years.

DD facetimed me earlier to show me their hotel room and it transpires that the hotel made a mistake - meaning there is only one bed in the room, and they have to share for the week.

AIBU to think that this is really inappropriate and Dad should either kick up a stink until they change rooms, or he asks for another mattress/air bed and sleeps on the floor?

DD is teenage if that helps, and says she isn't bothered (but he was listening to the call)

YABU - why are you being weird about this, it's fine
YANBU - it's weird and he should sleep on the floor/change rooms

PS - have not brought this up with her dad yet, wanted some unbiased opinions first

OP posts:
ZoeyBartlett · 06/04/2026 14:47

Oh FFS. Not inappropriate at all. I shared with my Dad when necessary a lot later than that. (And by necessary I mean so I could go away on a trip with him when he worked for BA). Only inappropriate thing is peoples minds.

Brightbluesomething · 06/04/2026 14:56

My DD is a similar age and neither her nor her dad would be comfortable with this. He took her away a couple of months ago and they stayed in a 1 bed chalet. However he made it clear when booking that there was a sofa bed he’d be sleeping on and she had her own room. When she showed me the photos of the accommodation before they went it was the first question I asked and she knew exactly what the arrangements were.
I don’t know any dad who would be happy with this, why isn’t he asking to change rooms? Speak to him not her, it’s his responsibility.

Original poster
Littlebitpsycho · 06/04/2026 14:56

paininderrierre · 06/04/2026 14:44

It’s not about instincts - OP is disappointed he isn’t thinking of DD & her own needs for space - she’s a teen & is of the opposite sex & has a right to privacy. Yes he’s her Dad so it’s not like it’s a stranger but she’s no longer a child & he should be treating her that way - by asking for her own room. Per the arrangement. It’s not difficult. I think it’s more thoughtlessness on his part & I’d find that frustrating too - than OP believing he’s got sinister motives.

@paininderrierre this is exactly it, and explained much better than I could

OP posts:
BoredZelda · 06/04/2026 14:57

What is your concern?

I wouldn’t want this for my 16 yo daughter as her dad is a snorer and it would be a problem for her. But her and I have shared a bed occasionally when it’s unavoidable and that’s not a problem for us. Were it not for his snoring I’d feel the same way if he had to share with her. If I was concerned in any way that this could put her at risk, I wouldn’t be allowing her to spend any time alone with him, sharing a bed or not.

BotterMon · 06/04/2026 15:03

So rather than having twin beds in the same room, they have one large bed? Not ideal but all the people saying he needs to give her privacy haven't understood the issue as they were going to share a room anyway.

No big deal. It's only a few days and of course if a mother had to share with her 14 year old DS, nobody would be batting an eyelid. Typical MN all men are perverts rhetoric.

Sosaidkaye · 06/04/2026 15:03

When I was fifteen, my parents had separated but my mum asked my dad to stay in the house for a week because she had to go to a work conference.
One night he was downstairs in my older siblings old bedroom watching a movie sitting on her old double bed.
He asked me to come and get on the bed and watch the movie with him. Immediately my guard went up. I said No, and I went upstairs and locked myself in my bedroom. I had never had such a strong reaction but I had been uncomfortable before because he still treated me like a small kid. I said nothing because I didn’t want to upset him. This time I said no and after that I kept up those boundaries.
So, that is colouring my judgement, but I at least would want to speak to my daughter privately to make sure she really is ok with it.
If my daughter was older and in this situation, I would completely and utterly trust my own partner (her dad). My concern would be that she wasn’t really comfortable with it. But I would bet that in this situation, my dp would probably be sleeping on the floor anyway.
I don’t know the OP or her ex, and can’t judge on that basis. I just think if any part of her isn’t happy with it, she shouldn’t just ignore it.

CakeyCaramel · 06/04/2026 15:03

My husband and young adult daughter would probably roll their eyes and work out something. They would probably tolerate one night and jointly decide that things have to change after that. My daughter would want her privacy and my husband would respect that.

They would probably muddle through with one evening and then insist on a change after that.

They shared a tent at 13 and there were no issues.

Allseeingallknowing · 06/04/2026 15:04

BotterMon · 06/04/2026 15:03

So rather than having twin beds in the same room, they have one large bed? Not ideal but all the people saying he needs to give her privacy haven't understood the issue as they were going to share a room anyway.

No big deal. It's only a few days and of course if a mother had to share with her 14 year old DS, nobody would be batting an eyelid. Typical MN all men are perverts rhetoric.

Mother sharing bed with 14 year old son would be inappropriate imo!

Sosaidkaye · 06/04/2026 15:07

BotterMon · 06/04/2026 15:03

So rather than having twin beds in the same room, they have one large bed? Not ideal but all the people saying he needs to give her privacy haven't understood the issue as they were going to share a room anyway.

No big deal. It's only a few days and of course if a mother had to share with her 14 year old DS, nobody would be batting an eyelid. Typical MN all men are perverts rhetoric.

People are different. I wouldn’t have particularly wanted to share a bed with my mum at that age either.

Theverylasttwo · 06/04/2026 15:08

I don't understand all the comments about a teenager needing privacy, particularly if the setup was supposed to be two single beds in the same room anyway.

Surely dad and daughter would shower, dress/undress in the bathroom which is the only place either of them in this situation needs to be naked.

I shared a bed with my 13 year old son one night due to similar issues as neither of us wanted to sleep on the floor! Would people think it was suspicious that I didn't kick up a fuss or is it just men who are subjected to questioning their motives?

lemoncrisp · 06/04/2026 15:11

Perhaps not ideal but it wouldn't bother me in those circumstances.

Sosaidkaye · 06/04/2026 15:16

Theverylasttwo · 06/04/2026 15:08

I don't understand all the comments about a teenager needing privacy, particularly if the setup was supposed to be two single beds in the same room anyway.

Surely dad and daughter would shower, dress/undress in the bathroom which is the only place either of them in this situation needs to be naked.

I shared a bed with my 13 year old son one night due to similar issues as neither of us wanted to sleep on the floor! Would people think it was suspicious that I didn't kick up a fuss or is it just men who are subjected to questioning their motives?

I think you could also see it as they are already having to do all of those things for the sake of a bit of privacy, the least she could have is her own bed.
One night is not really comparable.

Tacohill · 06/04/2026 15:21

I wouldn’t share with my DD at that age and I’m a woman.

It wouldn’t bother me but she’s a teen and wouldn’t want to share with an adult.

If we stay over anyone’s, one of us will sleep on the floor/sofa.
We don’t share.

If I’d paid for 2 beds I’d be kicking up a fuss until I got them.

AgnesMcDoo · 06/04/2026 15:23

Ive shared a bed with my DS recently in a hotel and he’s 17.

I wouldn’t have an issue with DH and 13 yr old DD sharing a bed

if she’s ok about it then its ok

Whyarepeople · 06/04/2026 15:26

I think a lot of teenagers who have a good relationship with their parent would be secretly delighted that they got to be a baby again and be close to their parent. I could see my two teenagers complaining about farting and snoring but deep down being happy to have an excuse for a closeness that usually ends in childhood. The only concern would be around abuse - if that concern exists surely sharing a bed is pretty much irrelevant as the whole situation is unsafe?

Original poster
Littlebitpsycho · 06/04/2026 15:26

Thank you so much for everyone's comments. It seems IABU and I will take that on board 😊

OP posts:
Branleuse · 06/04/2026 15:31

I'd hate that at her age or any age tbh
Depends how she feels though.
I don't think it's necessarily inappropriate in a weird way, but I wouldn't be able to sleep easily

diddl · 06/04/2026 15:38

Is the worry that she wouldn't say anything even if she didn't like or that he would dismiss her if she did?

FunMustard · 06/04/2026 15:39

I would also feel uncomfortable because I would have felt uncomfortable sharing a bed with my dad, at any age tbh. Not for any nefarious reasons, I just would have.

But, I think if you can have a private word with your daughter and she's ok with it, then I would have to stamp on my own personal feelings about it.

BillieWiper · 06/04/2026 15:41

The idea that it's inappropriate makes it seem like you think he's likely to try and SA his own daughter.

If you think that why are you allowing him contact unsupervised at all?

Would you think it inappropriate for you and teen son to have to share a double bed if there was a mix up on holiday. And your son wasn't bothered?

Blueblell · 06/04/2026 15:42

I don’t think it is a problem if DD is ok with but I would say that if it is for a week they should ask if an alternative room is available or becomes available later on in the week so that they can move.

paininderrierre · 06/04/2026 15:51

Littlebitpsycho · 06/04/2026 14:56

@paininderrierre this is exactly it, and explained much better than I could

Show quote history

No I think you did fine! If your DD was still a child I don’t think you’d be writing this post.
Find it odd others aren’t seeing that. YANBU contrary to the majority on here IMO!

Liveshives · 06/04/2026 15:52

He should absolutely know that she is entitled to her space.
A mattress should be brought to the room.
Yanbu.
At the very least he is being very dim.

ginasevern · 06/04/2026 16:41

I'd rather have slept on the balcony than share a bed with my dad at 14. Not because he was a wrong 'un but I would've died with embarrassment and felt uncomfortable. I can't imagine many teenage girls would relish the thought.

Monty36 · 06/04/2026 16:48

I would expect Dad to ask for twin beds at least.

Sharing a bed is a bit strange. I would have been horrified to share a bed with my dad as a teenager. And he would with me.
Were two interconnecting rooms booked ? All a bit odd.

Swipe left for the next trending thread