Fall out with my parents over children's behaviour in their care.

[Yeahyeahyeahnooooo]

NC for this. I don't know if I am BU, prepared to be told I am.

Parents live about an hour away, once a week they pick up dc from school, bring them to my house, have a few hours with them, we all eat together then they go home. We never asked them to do this and don't rely on it as childcare.

I find these evenings very stressful as I come home to chaos, they've given the dc crap to eat, don't even try to encourage good behaviour, allow them to stand on the dining table, jump on the sofa etc, it's dangerous and ridiculous. I've talked to them about it a few times and nothing improves.

A few weeks ago I sent them a long message the next day explaining that the way they encourage the dc to behave can't go on, they wouldn't have let me climb on the table/ jump on the sofa etc, and can they please try to support my boundaries and parenting. Just received a thumbs up 😒. A few hours later my Dad emailed my son's sports club to say he'd no longer be helping out there, and that was it, we haven't spoken since.

I feel absolutely releived to have a break from them if I'm honest, but wonder if I should be reaching out. They are stubborn and we never speak again! WWYD?

But the GPS aren't doing me a favour by looking after the dc, so why should I spend the evening before rearranging the cupboards and hiding crisps and biscuits? My parents state that they want to come and see the dc, and I facilitate it, but not at the expense of creating extra work for me. I already cook for them and make sure I have in the milk they want etc. They really aren't elderly, they are early 60s.

The natural consequence has been that they don't see their grandparents weekly any more, so lesson learnt there.

Yanbu this sounds like hell: this would have happened once and a warning. Twice and I’d be telling them to fuck off muself

I’d just take the break for at least a month before I even thought about doing anything about it, this will have taken a lot of energy and emotional load from you trying to communicate with them.

As a grandmother I’m on your side, not only are your parents behaving irresponsibly but unfortunately giving their grandchildren poor guidance on behaviour.
I’m sure your children know this too at 7 and 10.

When my son and his wife asked if we (the grandmothers) were willing to interact once a week they set ground rules, which were apart of their routine for us to follow within reason. Any issues my son talks to us both face to face and not by text. Jumping on furniture strictly forbidden at home so definitely not allowed at granny’s or nannys. He’s age 4 , he knows, but has be found to asking grandad (just incase he can bypass the rule).

If in future you allow them back over for the afternoon, ask them to to get the children to help with the evening meal, leave out a note there is waffles to toast maybe as a snack, apples to take to the park. Put a note on the biscuits, ‘you eat these now there’s nothing for pack lunch tomorrow, your choice’.
Make your children responsible for their own choices, they are old enough, but clearly your parents aren’t.