Constant competitive undereating is giving me the rage

[Bettercallsalli]

Family Easter meal and once again ruined by my mother!
After 6 mouthfuls...o im so full. Cutting peas in half...just makes us all that eat nornally on edge.

Older people have small appetites.

Its also possible, if she has always been like that, that she has AFRID. It would not have been diagnosed when she was younger, but some people with it just don't have normal appetites, rarely feel hunger and get full really quickly.

Either way, leave her alone and just eat your own meal.

😂 I've just realised what a penis portion is now!! I took it to mean like a sausage and two sprouts 😅

I did mention size, I said I wouldn't give my 5ft 1 gran the same amount of food as my 6ft 8 dad. Isn't that obvious?

What is it with you and cat bums?

Apart from the obvious intrusiveness and fucked upness of that, isn't it also completely pointless?

You are the size you are. If she thinks you're too big, what difference is it going to make if she finds out you wear a smaller size than she guessed, even if that's an "acceptable" size? She still thinks you're too big. Dress size wasn't the measure for her nasty judgement, her eyes and reptilian brain were.

And these days dress size is meaningless anyway.

First point to make is we clearly aren't talking about vegetarians and vegans, as the discussion was about meat meals. I presume you're not advocating giving a vegan female guest a small portion of meat, so you don't get to bring that up to burnish your argument. We also aren't talking only about your family, so your presumably post-menopausal grandmother's iron needs aren't the point either.

And now to the links. Could you highlight the parts that mention women's greater need for iron please, as that's what we're talking about. And then tell us how you controlled for attitudes about who's more entitled to meat and protein.

Interestingly, the first one starts from the position that generally lower meat consumption would be beneficial, but doesn't address at all the fact that women suffer more because of low iron than men and that the most efficient ways to get this are through red meat. They talk of ethics around animal consumption, but don't mention the ethical issues around a claim that lower meat consumption in general is a positive, without considering women's specific nutritional needs. And you haven't managed to do that either. Half of teenage girls and a quarter of women 19-64 in the UK have low iron intakes!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/articles/am_I_iron_deficient

The second link is an article that talks about men feeling more entitled to these things. That's actually a big part of the point here, because none of us came up with our ideas about food or portions in a cultural vacuum. It also doesn't address iron deficiency levels in women.

Right, so we've gone from very lengthy posts about women eating too much and all sorts of stuff about meat and manliness and plating up like Monty Don and whatever, to you just innocently giving your family members the portion sizes they prefer.

I actually love it when this happens. Don't worry, I know it's the internet so nobody can ever just admit they've changed their minds.

Oh god the size thing happens here.
I wear something new. She says That’s nice, what size is it? Every time. It’s so weird.
Yes my food issues centre around overeating way beyond fullness. With a touch of secret eating thrown in for good measure.
I’m working hard on it but I don’t think I’ll ever be completely free of it.
I wish you all the happiness and food calmness.

Yes, I noticed that too and it was hilariously transparent.

My mum is the same, we don't eat with her anymore last week she shared a ready meal lasagne with my step dad he was fine apparently he had a slice of garlic bread!

My mother in law is around the same age and the same - we just laugh now and guess what she is going to say. Always saying it's too much, then finishing it anyway - then forcing us to eat something because she wants it and doesn't want to eat it on her own, and if she has dinner commenting how she skipped a meal or only had a small dinner last night.

Causes me rage but then I try to laugh now and recognise it's a generation thing and I just eat my big portion in front of her happily 🤣

I didn't adjust for anything in the study because I didn't conduct it. Obviously you know that and are just being facetious.

I really don't give a shit about my guests nutritional needs. They can take care of those themselves on a daily basis at home. I care about what they want to eat, and the women want to eat less meat than the men. Me included. I'm not going to shout YOU NEED MORE IRON at them while shoving chicken on their plates. Do you do that to your guests? Now THAT would be shit hosting.

Also, in your obsession with iron requirements, are you going round telling vegetarians they need meat and the patriarchy is keeping it from them? Because honestly it's patronising and ridiculous. Iron is in lots of foods and you don't need a ton of meat to not being iron deficient. You just need to actively eat iron rich foods like dark leafy greens, eggs, fortified cereals and breads. No one NEEDS meat.

I‘d say that’s true. Older people‘s stomachs shrink. If you know that this isn’t the case regarding your mother then you have two portions: ignore or pick her up on it. Depends how good your relationship is with her and how much work you want to do on this.

Do you know why it is triggering you?

What? I haven't changed my mind about anything. I still think grown women wittering on about "penis portions" is asinine and juvenile.

Men need more food. Usually they are bigger than women which is a big part of it, but a man and woman of the same of size will still see the man needing more food. It's basic science. Getting all worked up about that and calling it misogyny is stupid. You invented the bit about shit hosting and garden tools, just to be dramatic of course.

My DM is proudly insistent that she actually lost weight - 'no one knew she was PG'! 🥇 I asked if she'd had sickness during pregnancy - No, she 'didn't make a fuss like other women...' 🙄

83 years old and still judging other women by their weight (among other things)... I ask her if she wants her weight put above or below her name on her gravestone... 🪦

I have the opposite. My mum is obese. I am a healthy weight/BMI. I dread meal times because I will eat what I am comfortable eating then always, always get asked if that is all I am eating. I feel like I am constantly being observed. She easily eats double of what I eat and never seems to be full. Fine. But she seems to imply that I am somehow under eating or something just because I eat to appetite, which as a smaller person, is a lot less than her. She somehow takes It personally. It makes meal times uncomfortable for me.

We serve our own food from dishes on the table. I couldn’t even tell you how much people put on their plates yesterday as I’m not that interested. And I certainly wouldn’t comment as that’s rude.

As someone with a small appetite, I’d hate to have a meal plated up for me as I’d not be able to eat a big portion. My husband and sons are all bigger than me, so obviously they eat a lot more than I do.

I feel like this too. The woman is 75! She probably doesn't want to eat a lot.

Personally, I have come across more cases of people trying to bully people into eating more, and making obnoxious and demeaning remarks (especially when they're trying to cut down and lose weight,) than cases where a dieter/small eater bangs on about their small portions.

I struggle with my weight, and have spent about a quarter of my adult life on a diet/trying to lose weight, and when I am, I don't mention it, I just request/have less food. And when I do there is ALWAYS someone who has to make stupid, banal, tedious, sarcastic comments. They're clearly just projecting as they feel they're eating too much. That's their problem not mine, and I'm not going to feel guilty, because me wanting salad instead of chips make YOU feel bad.

I haven't denied that men generally need more food. I've denied that shaming women over it, sharing long boring stories about what women like to eat (thanks for telling us!), routinely serving female guests less because one polices women's intake (but not shorter or sedentary people) and all the rest of it makes one a fabulous hostess and a scintillating dinner companion. This actually seems more obvious to me than the conveniently huge husband and tiny grandmother wanting different portions. Far fewer variables.

Anyway, I'm bored now (and hungry, come to think of it). Going to get a coffee and a hot cross bun and go to the gardening centre. I'll bring you back some cutlery from the tools section.

Like I said, you invented the shaming, policing eating off gardening tools etc.

Enjoy the garden centre, I hear garden forks are great replacements for regular forks when you're withering because the patriarchy denied you your iron intake, watch out for the cats bum on the way in!

Older people do eat less, but there is no point in that older person commenting on it. It’s possible for an older person to be full but not tell everyone or make a big deal out of what other people are eating.

My DF and DSM used to make a song and dance out of my portion sizes and I thought… well I’m 40 years younger, pretty active, and you two will be having supper of cheese on toast or some other high calorie snack… so it makes sense that I’d eat two more sausages and not be full after one potato. It’s very boring when it’s like that at every meal. Interestingly my 6ft4 boyfriend never got questioned over portions even though he eats 2x what I think is a “normal” portion, but does less exercise than me 🤷‍♀️

I blame Jane Fonda and all those fucking workout videos in the early 70s.

In a documentary I saw she was admitted that she was getting 'tweaks' and then went into the whole thing about 'I really admire women that don't get plastic surgery, but I'm not one of them.'

Does she have any medical conditions because if someone is full after 6 mouthfuls and needs to cut peas in half id be worried they needed a health check up.

You are the one who offered your opinions though. That means if you choose to cite one study that doesn't address a central issue, the onus is still on you to make sure you cover it in some other way.

As for obsessions, you're the one who's been on about men having higher calorie requirements than women. So clearly you accept the principle that it's fine to talk about what one sex needs more of than the other. There'll be no double standards here. Either we can talk about both calorie needs and iron without being obsessive, or we'll talk about neither. But those are the only two options. And as has previously been pointed out by multiple posters, you aren't just talking about your guests- if you'd only made it about that in the first place then you wouldn't be having these discussions now.

If you have an interest in access to iron rich food amongst vegetarians, by all means start that discussion. It won't have any relevance to the discussion about who gets more meat in a meat meal though, so be assured you'll be starting it as an alternative rather than a replacement.

Yes I have seen first hand a competitive under eater fell down the stairs broke her pelvis cus she so thin and.has been bedridden ever since in her 80s ! It's a shame because eating is one of life's pleasures u have to be sensible to stay healthy obviously but healthy balance and attitude it can b done X

What a horrible post. You should get help for your own issues.