Ex ringing 5 times a day

[mothertomany2025]

My boyfriend’s ex partner rings him at least 5 times a day every day and messages, he doesn’t go to family days out with me with my little boy because she will be there is this normal? He says it’s normal co parenting relationship but the calls come really late at night and all through the day every day not always in relation to the children. He’s a good boyfriend apart from this we don’t have issues but she’s constant and I find it really uncomfortable we have booked stuff many times but she will demand the kids back so we can’t take them, she can be nasty but he won’t tell anyone as he says he wants the co parenting relationship to be good

End it.
You're not a priority.

I’m worried I’m being unreasonable but he thinks this is ok and I’m not sure it’s making me happy

he doesn’t go to family days out with me with my little boy because she will be there is this normal?

I don't understand this.

If you two take your little boy out, his ex turns up?

is she defo an ex? not a current partner?

it could explain the multiple messages and you being sort of hidden?

No so I had already booked a day out and he found out she had booked tickets on the same day so said he can’t go with me xx

She knows about me she said she still loves him xx

xx ?

She’s marking what she still views as her territory, isn’t she? She still loves him - her words - and doesn’t want him to move on so the DC is just being used an excuse to find ways to keep him engaging. The continued contact throughout the day rather is a way of her making it clear that she is in the background and can disturb you freely. There’s no reason for her to be in touch five times a day. He can’t make himself available like a 999 operator - it’s ridiculous.

Are you sure he doesn't actually live with her, and you're the OW?

yes I think it’s territorial he seems so scared of upsetting her but isn’t worried about upsetting me I don’t understand xx

OP, throw this one back. He’s never going to put you before his relationship with his DC, and he seems completely enmeshed with his ex. It’s really not at all normal for his ex to br calling him five times a day, and the fact that he’s allowing this and hasn’t put a stop to it means that you’re just not his priority. At the moment, he’s having a relationship entirely on his own terms - he’s “apart” from his ex (who clearly wants him back) but has you exactly where he wants you in that he does what he wants with his kids and blow you and your son. It’s no way to have a relationship - wave hi goodbye and find someone who is more concerned about your well-being.

Definitely doesn’t live with her I’ve been too his many many times, she’s definitely in the know about me but doesn’t like it and tells him she still loves him xxx

How long have you been seeing him?

Well, then she still loves him.
Not much you can do about that.
He seems to be prioritising her, though, so as I said to start with: leave.

How long have they been split up?

He doesn't sound ready for a new relationship if he'd rather cancel a family day than go because his ex will be there.

You can’t make him stand up to her. If you give him an ultimatum then him and the ex will blame you. It’s much easier to move on because he’s not ready to be in a relationship until he becomes less enmeshed in his ex’s feelings.

I can certainly understand him wanting to foster a good co-parenting relationship but it does sound like she's overstepping with multiple calls a day. What is she calling about?

How long have you been together? If your relationship is to have a future, I think you're going to have to have a conversation with him about having some boundaries with his ex?

Does he take his own children on days out without you and your child? If not I can see why he doesn’t want to be seen out with yours! Wouldn’t go down well (rightly!) with ex and kids if doesn’t take them out but doesn’t mind going with yours!

I’ve been seeing him 8 months they have been split nearly 3 years xx

Yea he has his children half the week and takes them out xx

Does he have his children 50/50?
Overnight as well?

Not very long is it? Get someone who can offer you what you need and let this one concentrate on his children.

Honestly, just end it.
You're not a priority and blended families never work anyway.

8 months isnt long at all. I dont think I would even have had him meet my kid just months in, but thats beside the point. You should throw this one back. This is too much drama all round, especially if kids are involved.

@mothertomany2025 it’s because she is the resident parent of his child. He knows if he pisses her off, she can make it harder for him to see his child.

Edit - sorry I missed the bit about 50-50 child care. Is that court ordered?