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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex ringing 5 times a day

65 replies

mothertomany2025 · 05/04/2026 15:06

My boyfriend’s ex partner rings him at least 5 times a day every day and messages, he doesn’t go to family days out with me with my little boy because she will be there is this normal? He says it’s normal co parenting relationship but the calls come really late at night and all through the day every day not always in relation to the children. He’s a good boyfriend apart from this we don’t have issues but she’s constant and I find it really uncomfortable we have booked stuff many times but she will demand the kids back so we can’t take them, she can be nasty but he won’t tell anyone as he says he wants the co parenting relationship to be good

OP posts:
Hatty65 · 05/04/2026 21:46

'Hey John, I've decided this relationship is not working out for me. You have a lot of baggage and I'm looking for a relationship with someone where I'm not bottom of their list. It's time to call it a day. All the best for the future'.

Then ignore or block any messages from him. Who gives a shit if he thinks you are unreasonable? Or behaving like a brat. You could dump him because you hate the way he sniffs, or he chews with his mouth open. You can certainly dump him because you've got pissed off with his demanding ex.

It's your choice to stay with someone who tiptoes round their ex like this. It would not be for me.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 05/04/2026 22:18

OP even if you were “being a brat” or others on here would think that was all fine, you don’t want this sort of relationship he’s offering, so it’s fine to end it and look for a man who does offer what you want.

You don’t need a good enough reason to end a relationship, it not being exactly what you want is good enough.

user2848502016 · 05/04/2026 22:19

mothertomany2025 · 05/04/2026 21:05

@jessycake I really hope this hasn’t been the case, I just wouldn’t ever feel comfortable ringing anyone this much. It feels like she wants to put a wedge in and I can understand that if she’s still in love with him I guess I just hoped he would put boundaries in but it always slips back to this, then I feel like a control freak saying anything as he says it’s just co parenting but it’s all the fone calls, messages, always forgetting to drop boys uniform bits off so having to go back down there it’s just relentless. He thinks I’m the problem xx

You’re not the problem, he needs to set boundaries. I would just end things with him

topazornottopaz · 06/04/2026 00:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CombatBarbie · 06/04/2026 02:47

mothertomany2025 · 05/04/2026 15:19

yes I think it’s territorial he seems so scared of upsetting her but isn’t worried about upsetting me I don’t understand xx

Because you are an option, not a priority. He either steps up and stops taking her calls etc or you walk. If he doesn't tackle this now, it will just get worse as the kids get older. Trust me.....

PollyBell · 06/04/2026 02:56

How does this relationship benefit your child?

ApolloandDaphne · 06/04/2026 06:34

You are definitely not the problem here.

Duvetdayneeded · 06/04/2026 06:52

He’s the problem! He likes her attention. He clearly prioritises her over you so move on,

mothertomany2025 · 06/04/2026 07:44

Thank you everybody that has took the time to give me advice xx

OP posts:
Pipsquiggle · 06/04/2026 07:47

If he can't see that someone he broke up with 3 years ago, who rings him 5 times a day and has openly claimed that she still loves him is a problem, well I am afraid he isn't a keeper

He probably loves the attention.
Sounds like he has no emotional intelligence. Of course this would piss off most people

toomuchfaff · 06/04/2026 09:23

mothertomany2025 · 05/04/2026 15:48

@toomuchfaff so I’m not being a brat being bothered by all the fone calls and messages at all times?

I would walk away, its never going to change. It will only change when his ex deems it to change. Your relationship is at the behest of someone else. You either accept that and let it go on, or you walk away.

A relationship is meant to enrich your life; not cause you sadness, pain and stress. The other person in that relationship is meant to cherish you and not cause you pain by their actions or lack of action - he can't because it may impact his relationship with his children; so instead of owning that inability he blames you, because thats easier - you're being too sensitive, this is normal, you're being unreasonable, you're being a brat.

You're not being a brat - if I was bothered by something my husband was doing or involved in, and I took it to my husband, his first goto wouldnt be what is wrong with you again this time? are you still going on about this, ive told you before this is normal... my husband would be "why does it bother you? what can I do?, how can we sort this?"

You can end a relationship for any reason, and being unhappy with how he acts, or how he reacts to your unhappiness is a good reason. You cant control the actions of others (so you cant say - change how talk to her, don't take as many calls from her or do xyz) but you can control your reaction.

Guavafish1 · 06/04/2026 09:27

put yourself first.

don’t let two people dictate how you live.

SoSadSoSadSoSad · 06/04/2026 09:29

sesquipedalian · 05/04/2026 15:19

OP, throw this one back. He’s never going to put you before his relationship with his DC, and he seems completely enmeshed with his ex. It’s really not at all normal for his ex to br calling him five times a day, and the fact that he’s allowing this and hasn’t put a stop to it means that you’re just not his priority. At the moment, he’s having a relationship entirely on his own terms - he’s “apart” from his ex (who clearly wants him back) but has you exactly where he wants you in that he does what he wants with his kids and blow you and your son. It’s no way to have a relationship - wave hi goodbye and find someone who is more concerned about your well-being.

Well he should never put anyone before his relationship with his dc.

But his co-parenting rationale is weird.

Sparklybanana · 06/04/2026 09:42

Relationships with problems rarely get better unless the problem goes away. If you aren't happy now and the issue is being blamed on you, then it will fester as resentment from you and resentment from him as he doesnt see the issue. If you are ok with that being your future then stay. If not, then you need to act sooner rather than later.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 06/04/2026 12:13

mothertomany2025 · 06/04/2026 07:44

Thank you everybody that has took the time to give me advice xx

I wish you'd stop putting kisses at the end of all your posts.

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